Please forgive me for my tardiness....I've been kinda removed this week. (HUGS)
I just got all caught up...what stood out in my mind was this thought. Doing the same thing over and over and getting the same results is the definition of crazy! LOL
What I mean is this...ya gotta do a 180 here. Think about what really bothers your H. What he says is a issue for him. Then STOP doing it. You love to write...so, sit down and write a letter to him. DONT give it to him though. Then read it out loud and rehearse those things...when the moment is right TELL him.
I think asking him on a date would be awesome...but, ya gotta be ready. Sweet LIS, don't try so hard to have a normal conversation just let it go. Pretend, your sitting with a friend talking, relax girl. You are so funny and have such a sweet soul. I'm sure that is what attracted him to you in the first place. Show him that girl again. I know you can, just ask our GOD to release your fears. Listen about the H wont go to Counseling. My DBing Coach said to me that is doesnt matter. If your going, you will start making changes. H see this and he changes his response to you. So, don't push that issue. Plus, he is down for everything else right? That's huge LIS. So, for now just focus on you.
By the way, you have been so great to me and others on this board. I love reading your posts. You have made me smile and even laugh when it seemed like nothing would or could. Thank you sweet LIS for that gift. So, NEVER doubt your worth to us.
I'm always praying for you!
BITS
Dixie "Life is Short, Pray Hard!"
Me: 40 H: 39 M: 17 yrs - Together 18 1/2yrs No kids Seperated: May 18, 2006 EA/Poss PA with OW for 6 months prior to leaving. 2nd Bomb dropped: Dec. 23, 2010
Thanks so much for the boost of confidence, Dixie.
Ok, so he comes home tomorrow night and he's going to want to talk about moving in again.
As you have all pointed out to me, I have to accomplish the following:
1) Instill more confidence in him by telling him again that I don't think that the breakdown was his fault and why.
2) I need to ask him out on a date. He's already agreed to date night so I need to initiate this because he's afraid right now.
3) Initiate a "normal" conversation. Be more open and friendly. We talked about getting involved in a meetup group. Perhaps we can talk about some of things we want to do. I mean we are in a completely new place and there's a lot we can do.
4) Initiate more touches. I know that wasn't mentioned here but that was mentioned in the new book I'm reading.
Haha .... yes, LIS .... I don't think a 3 word response of your an a** is all that useful. I'm sure you can imagine how infuriating this is.
So, that was the old instance. What would the new one be like?
Maybe: H: I didn't feel loved anymore blah did dhe blah blah LIS: Yes, I understand. I'm sorry you felt that. That wouldn't be a good thing to feel. I'm sorry I was distant
H: Why did you do that? LIS: I was going thru X, Y, and Z and feeling AA but, that is no excuse and I'm sorry things ever got to that point.
H: shocked look LIS: BTW, you should see my new shoes
I LOVE this exchange! LIS, maybe you will still get your chance!! LMK how the shoes work out 2night!!!
BITS
M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0 T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd) WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10 Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
Haha .... yes, LIS .... I don't think a 3 word response of your an a** is all that useful. I'm sure you can imagine how infuriating this is.
So, that was the old instance. What would the new one be like?
Maybe: H: I didn't feel loved anymore blah did dhe blah blah LIS: Yes, I understand. I'm sorry you felt that. That wouldn't be a good thing to feel. I'm sorry I was distant
H: Why did you do that? LIS: I was going thru X, Y, and Z and feeling AA but, that is no excuse and I'm sorry things ever got to that point.
H: shocked look LIS: BTW, you should see my new shoes
I LOVE this exchange! LIS, maybe you will still get your chance!! LMK how the shoes work out 2night!!!
That is a great exchange! LIS... you're awesome!
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
1) Instill more confidence in him by telling him again that I don't think that the breakdown was his fault and why.
2) I need to ask him out on a date. He's already agreed to date night so I need to initiate this because he's afraid right now.
3) Initiate a "normal" conversation. Be more open and friendly. We talked about getting involved in a meetup group. Perhaps we can talk about some of things we want to do. I mean we are in a completely new place and there's a lot we can do.
4) Initiate more touches. I know that wasn't mentioned here but that was mentioned in the new book I'm reading.
LIS
1) Instill more confidence in him by telling him again that I don't think that the breakdown was his ALL HIS fault and why. Do NOT relieve him of culpability LIS.
2) I need to ask him out on a date. He's already agreed to date night so I need to initiate this because he's afraid right now. YEP
3) Initiate a "normal" conversation. Be more open and friendly. We talked about getting involved in a meetup group. Perhaps we can talk about some of things we want to do. I mean we are in a completely new place and there's a lot we can do. Just relax and have fun with your HUSBAND... Let all of this go for an evening.
4) Initiate more touches. I know that wasn't mentioned here but that was mentioned in the new book I'm reading. uhum... yes, men love touches.
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
so many of us would love to be where you are remember that
major Ditto
BITS
M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0 T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd) WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10 Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
1) I hear what you are saying, Denver. I just kind of want all the blame to go away. I want us to learn from our mistakes, don't get me wrong, but I want to do this together rather than putting us at odds. This is so hard and such a balancing act.
2)Yes. Well, I will. But things have been a little weird this week. He's on a business trip and we haven't talked much. I don't know if he's backing away again or if it's just because of the trip. This weekend will tell.
3) Fun... I can do that!
4) I love touches too!!!
I realize that I have an opportunity here and I'm not going to waste it.
