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Good morning BITS - just an update on my dinner with my W last night - I was going to post this on another thread but that thread seems to be locked and there are no Reply boxes left in the thread - not sure what is going on there.

So as I mentioned in another thread - we had friends invite us out for dinner last night- we had not seen them in about 26 years and they came to California and had invited us to go - they do not know we are separated of course. So to my SHOCK, my W agreed to go with me, which was great. Here is how the evening went - I would appreciate any input as I am trying to figure some things out from last night.

1. I got ready and was excited about going over to my W's place to pick her up - then I heard my son say - Hi Mom - and it turns out that my W came over to our home and said I thought I would just come here and we can leave from here. That was odd I thought and wondered why she did that.

2. We went to the dinner and were waiting for our friends to arrive. We were sitting there having a glass of wine and enjoying our chat and so I said "I am glad that you decided to come to this" She then said this "Well I went back and forth on coming or not - but I decided I wanted to see our friends, but I did not want to give you the wrong impression" At that I wanted to say something because that hurt me - the message was "This is NOT a date so don't think I am interested in getting back together with you, I am only here because I wanted to see our old friends" That was the CLEAR message. Then it hit me why she picked me up - she did not want me coming to her place to pick her up because that would have looked more like a "date". So this was NOT a date and she wanted to make that very clear to me -and she did. The "old" me would have reacted to that, but I just remembered the Fruits of the Spirit that I was talking about - and then I just said "Well I am glad you decided to come" and left it at that.

3. She was wearing a pair of earrings that I had bought her and they looked great on her and I told her how nice they looked. She then said something that just blew me away and I did not know how to respond - it just came out of the blue. She said something about Booty Parlor parties, those are those home parties where sex toys and lotions etc etc are sold, and she just brought that up out of the blue and said -Oh those parties are good -I felt really weird that she was talking about sex toys and lotions just out of the blue - so I said" Oh well I am sure they are fun - would you go to one ? - she said - oh yes for sure" and then I just dropped it - that was weird I thought. Any ideas on that gang ?

4. We had a great dinner with our friends, lots of fun. I invited them back to our home this coming Wed for another dinner and they are coming - not sure if I should invite my W to come over for that dinner or not - it will be weird for them to come to our home for dinner and my W not being here -not sure what to do on that one.

5. The drive home was very quiet - my W slept all the way home as it was late, so I suppose that was fine. It was about an hour's drive and she slept most of the way and we only said a few words to each other - I felt quite awkward actually - it felt like there was a lot of tension in the air between us and neither of us wanted to talk - at least that is what it seemed like to me.

6. When I drove back to our home, I saw that our daughter's car was there, so both of our kids were at home. It really hit me hard emotionally how sad it was that I was just being dropped off at our own home, both of our kids inside, and my wife just dropping me off after a nice dinner. I was driving, so I stopped, opened the door and held it open as she came around to get into the driver's seat - I just said "Goodnight" - she says "goodnight" and that was that - no word on thanks for a nice evening or anything - just a very cold and distant "goodnight".

So that was the evening. Not quite sure what to think of it . I kept telling myself before we left not to mess up and do anything stupid during the evening, I felt bad about the "distance" and "silence" we had on the drive back, but she was sleeping and I did not want to just keep talking if she was not going to engage in a conversation.

It was good, but there were a few weird moments for sure - especially the Booty Parlor Party comments - not sure what to think about that

HI First love,

You should start a new thread or your own thread....I don't mind you posting on my thread but people won't see it, you know.

I think you did well, and it seems like your W is confused. Well, they all are. Give her space, and time. At this point she does not want to send the wrong message - they all say that too. That is normal when someone has said they are not interested in being together anymore. The point in DB'ing is that we start from that point and work on not making the situation worse, detaching so we can take a deep breath and plot our course, and improving ourselves. Then perhaps we once again become the person our spouses loved and that will attract them back. Or maybe it won't work but we will become a better person anyway, and will regain our self esteem and be able to cope with the world without them by our side. Either way, it is for the better, as compared to where we are now.

I suggest that you be open with your W regarding your friends coming to dinner in your home, ask her if she would rather not share your situation with your friends and if so, what should you do.

Ty not to over analyze W's comments for now....perhaps as time goes by, and you have more interactions, you will start seeing how she is thinking.

Angel,

How are you doing????

LIS

Hi LIS,

Had some crisis over the last few days - so I started a new thread. I don't know how to link, so i will also post in it so it bumps up.