BTW, Have mixed emotions on the dating scene. I went on one through dating site and it was a disaster. Whole time I was thinking, " Why arent you my wife" Probably too early for this for you and not fair to woman. Time is the healer as cliche as that is.
BITS M-46 W-42 M-16y T-19 y s10 s15 BombDec.19/09 Sep-F16/10 Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10 Recon July 5/10 PA foundOut- Oct 30/10 Mental HospNov/10 moved out Nov/10 Leg Sep Mar 15/11
I have our D Fri-Sun night, I know she will inquire more through that stretch. I will send a pic if necessary, but no text to go with it, sound OK?
Perfect.
Originally Posted By: Country_Song
The dating thing seems to be a complicated issue, I think I'll put that on hold for now. I guess I was just looking for a way to help myself feel good about myself again. Maybe not the best way to do it.
Thanks again, keep it coming, this really helps!
Maybe a better way to go on this is for you to go out with buddies. I don't think that there is anything wrong with you talking to the ladies while you're out. I did this a couple of times in the early part of my situation and it did help my self confidence. Just to know that if I had to go back out there eventually... that I could do it.
But I changed my mind from last night after reading Dixie's post. She's right. No dating. It could hurt you with reconciliation with W down the road... regardless of your intentions.
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Going dark is the best way to go. My therapist told me that my w and im sure yours knows that you want her back and that gives her security. Cake eating whatever you want to call it. When you go dark they start to wonder what is going on in your life and will you still be there when their affair fizzles. I love the analogy of the rope dropping, it makes so much sense.
When my wife feels me pulling away it bothers her, then she initiates contact and the poor me syndrome and that she doesnt know what she is doing and that she blew up her life etc.. Then cries her eyes out. Me , Im a sucker for the crying and the profess my undying love and tell her all will be forgiven and then she gets her strength back. The analogy my therapists makes is one to a well. Her well was empty when I was dark and then when she knows she has me again in the wings, I have filled up her well and she pushes away again and continues with her relationship with OM. Its not an affair anymore.
Yes! Exactly... all of it.
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Not knowing the outcome? Ok Country... my question to you is this:
Why would YOU choose to STAND for your marriage?
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
What is so hard about this is knowing how long it will take, and not even knowing what the outcome will be.
Yes this does make it hard, and we are hardwired to fix it now. Stop trying to fix the R. Fix you.
This is part of the reason to detach and find other things to focus on, doing other things that are interesting and fun, to improve yourself.
At 19 months they are discovering more and more of the world around them. Play with your D, read picture books together, discover the world together, become a better Dad than you thought possible.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
Sorry guys, I just have to vent. An employee just called who is out on maternity leave right now. Just tore me up. Reminded me that the 'plan' was for us to be getting pregnant with our second right now. All of that gone now. Everything I had been looking forward to, all gone...
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
Not knowing the outcome? Ok Country... my question to you is this:
Why would YOU choose to STAND for your marriage?
BITS Denver
I am not sure I understand?
WHY are you still here on the DB forum Country? Why are you STANDING or DEFENDING for your M? Not your W... Your M.
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Because I believe that every marriage can be saved if you work hard enough. Because I love my wife. Because I believe it would be the best thing for our daughter. Because I believe it is the right thing to do.
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
