Somehow she knows you recorded the conversation when you kept pushing at her regarding the doctor. She has brought this spying up too much and has almost pinpointed when you did it. I think she gave you a chance, both in the email and then face to face, to see if you would tell her.
Now, in this last conversation, she sounds like a woman who wanted to be free to take on some parental responsibility without you breathing down her throat. She didn't chose a good way of doing it, but that seem to be her intentions. She did not paint a very good picture of you. She made you sound very controlling.
Her reason for taking the child sounded very legit. I don't think she should have been so secretive about it and from what you had said, it sounded creepy to me. So now, her story is sounding better, but yours isn't doing so well. My question is why didn't you just tell her that it extremely upset you at the thought of your son going to some psychiatrist and her not willing to give any information. Instead, you tried to kiss her a$$! You've dug yourself into a hole.
My advice is that you call a DB Coach and get a professional to tell you what to do to. If you come clean about recording her, you're sunk. If you don't come clean, you're probably sunk anyway b/c I think she can read you well enough to know.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Sandi, I'm not sure if I specifically told my wife that I was upset with her taking my son for a psych visit with little information, but I did tell her that I'm very concerned and worried about my son; if it was important to warrant a visit, I should be there as well. I essentially let her know I wasn't cool with it. I think I dug a hole by being too persistent and thus cementing in mind that I'm trying to control things.
How did she know she was being recorded? Possibility she checked your internet history when she got the computer and is reading along?
Spellfire aka Mike
"Women do not like controlling men. They respect and are attracted to men who control themselves. They ultimately are repelled by men who allow themselves to be controlled." -S&A
How did she know she was being recorded? Possibility she checked your internet history when she got the computer and is reading along?
Two things:
1. She said my line of questioning in the morning, before they left. She noted that it sounded like I was trying to get her to blow up. I told her that unlike the night before, I was trying to be calmer yet assertive of my stance. In hindsight I shouldn't have approach her at all. I caved under peerp pressure to protect myself; i really thought it would escalate to legal matter. I didn't trust her enough. 2. I have this thing that she says I do with my face when I lie. She's seen me lie enough times to know if I'm telling a lie. I wish she'd used that technique when she asks if I'm still doing porn or am still addicted to it, or if I lie about whether I take good care of our son when she's not around. But she doesn't.
I don't think that there's a thing wrong with you wanting to be involved with your son's situation. In fact, that's just plain responsible parenting. I don't believe, in fact, that your wife's reaction was all that appropriate. This isn't about trusting her or not trusting her when it comes to your son. It was about being a father who would do anything to be sure he is safe and healthy. We are mixing issues here. You REALLY need to understand your motivations before saying anything to your wife because she knows you very well. Meaning, if you questioning your wife about your son was truly for his welfare, that's great. If, however, it was about not trusting her and getting into some kind of control game, that's an issue.
You do need to put a foot down with her, though. This wasn't AT ALL about trusting her to take care of the psychologist, it was about being a good parent. And you need to show her that you want to be involved.
With that said, has she caught you recording her before??? I mean she really seems freaked out and that really bothers me. This contol issue continually comes up.
Alamo, it's time to refocus your attentions. You have got the porn thing fixed. What else? What other things do you need to work on? How are you working on them? She's not going to believe anything you say right now until you continue to prove that you've changed.
I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I know that you are in a lot of pain. I'm praying for you.
And put the guilt thing away. It will only sabotage you. Action, sweet Alamo, ACTION!!!
What's the next move?
I've set my second appointment with DB coach Chuck. Doddy wasn't available, so he was suggested to me.
Despite what my wife told me about wanting to leave and never look back and that she thinks I'll always be an addict and liar, I will keep working on myself while trying to be the friend she needs.
