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"Because I..."
"Because I..."
"Because I..."
"Because I..."

So your decision to STAND for your M...

WHO are you doing it FOR?

BITS
Denver

Of course I am doing it for myself. I am doing it for myself, my wife and my child.

There no truly unselfish acts. We all do things to make ourselves happy. Now the things we do my also help others, but we would not do them if they did not also benefit ourselves. You can volenteer at a soup kitchen, help an old lady cross the street, or give a few dollars to a person in need. You have helped that person, but you have done so because it made YOU feel good doing it.

Tell me, who are you doing it for?

Myself.

I agree, nothing we do is 100% truly altruistic.

I'm not suggesting that you are being selfish Country. Not at all.

I'm trying to get you to figure out why you are REALLY doing this.

Is it bc the outcome is guaranteed to be positive?

Or is it bc it is the right thing for you to do as a person?

The right thing for WHO you are?

Listen man, it would be really easy for any of us here to walk away from our M's. In fact, for most of us, that would be, BY FAR, the easier thing to do. The less painful way.

But... when we first come here, we are hurting really badly. And I don't think that we quite understand WHY we are willing to choose to go forward on a path that is sure to be extremely painful.

At first, we do it bc we are hurt. Bc we feel lonely. Bc we don't want to start over. Bc we think that our S's are making the wrong choices. Bc we want control over something that we don't have control over. The unknown.

So you don't know how all of this will turn out? Yes, that is true... as it pertains to your M...

But one outcome that I can guarantee for you is this...

IF you are doing this for the right reasons... YOU will leave knowing that you did the right thing..the honorable thing... You will leave with your own personal integrity... and stronger than ever.

You might say that it is easy for me to say this bc my situation has taken a very positive turn over the past 2 weeks. But I can tell you that I began to feel what I'm talking about in January... or about 2 months after my W dropped the original bomb on me, and before I began to believe that I had a chance to save my M.

I began to feel that I was truly being the ROCK for my M and for my family... that I was truly being the lighthouse. I began to feel a great sense of pride in this.

This is what I'm getting at here Country...

BITS
Denver

Very well put, I understand. I know I still need to turn that corner. I am getting there, but I know I have a ways to go...

You only get there if it is RIGHT for you.

Go read all truegritter's threads. It will take you a while, but it is worth it. It really, really helped me process some things that I needed to figure out for myself. Some of the stuff that I am talking about with you.

BITS
Denver

You were right, it took a while!! Wow, a lot of interesting information in there. Definitely made me think. Thanks for the tip.

So I received 2 texts from the W this afternoon. The first was confirming the date and time of a dr. appt. for our D. So I had to respond to that, made it short and to the point. Then she text me to say how cute I dressed our D today (I dropped her off at daycare this morning and my W picked her up). I let that one go and didn't respond.

I have to admit, it doesn't feel natural to me no replying, think I did the right thing?

Country
Wow I just got caught up on your thread and I felt like I was reading my own. This is a bad sitch to be in but this site will help with the loneliness. I get the feeling of how hard it is to be nice to your W when she is having an A. Sometimes feels like your letting them get away with murder, but you gotta press on. Like Denver says "be the lighthouse." Being nice does feel weird but I can assure you that being a prick during your only interactions is only going to validate her feelings.

I to had wondered about how to help with missing a woman's affection without hurting my M even more. Here's what kinda works for me. My W has cut my hair for the last 5 years. She is trained and does a nice job. When we split, she would still come over and cut it for me. I pay the car insurance, so this is how we justified a free haircut. However, everytime she came over to our house, she would be in a bad mood and want to argue. She was set off bc I live in our house with all of our things and she is living in her mom's spare bedroom. This is just until our house sells. Anyways, I decided to kill to birds with one stone. I now get my hair cut at a very nice salon in town. The girls are pretty, flirtatious, and do a nice job. This helps my LRT and gives me that contact with a pretty girl. Maybe worth a shot

I'll keep up on your post. If you would like to read mine it is called "Young couple with WAW."

BITS

PLEASE, QUICK ADVICE!!!

OOPS! Just received a text with a pick of my D and the text "goodnight dada" Do I respond? Arg! I want to!