Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives For Newcomers Archives today and why do i even want him?

Funny, after all this drama in my life, I was thinking about starting to smoke weed!

I think if we all honestly looked at ourselves and our feelings there aren't many of us who have those romantic feelings right now. I think that you are in good company.

And I think you shouldn't pay him much mind either about should he or shouldn't he change. I mean I talked to my H endlessly about his crappy behavior and he, too, felt he was nothing but perfect and our relationship did not warrant change. But, when I detached, he changed. He changed in a hurry. You don't know what may prompt that in your H.

I think your reasons for wanting your marriage are good. But, honestly grr, it doesn't make a darn bit of difference what I think or anyone else. The ONLY thing that matters is what you want. That's it!

But something really caught my eye in your post about "taking him as is." I guess you need to decide what is and isn't a dealbreaker FOR YOU. Then, otherwise, it is kind of like taking them as they are. I didn't marry my H to change him. I knew what I was getting into and I loved him and he loved me and as much as it pains me to admit it, I'm FAR from perfect. It's easy for all the rest of us to judge and tell you, I wouldn't put up with this and I wouldn't put up with that and blah, blah, blah. But not one of us is living with your pain or the consequences of your decisions.

I'm praying for you!!

LIS

I will say that staying married is a choice that only you can make. I know my marriage is going to end in divorce, but that doesn't really meen much to me at this point. Today I still want to be married. Why, because we had a heck of a lot more good times than bad. Can my wife see that, at this time no. But I am willing to give her some space and time. I can tell you only you know how you feel and only you can decide what is the best choice for your life. I wrote out the good vs the bad and the good won. So I am staying positive and going to prove I am the best possible option. keep a positive attitude and you will find in your heart what you need.

Hey Grr,
I am feeling similar things right now. And, here's what I think. We have to do this for ourselves. We might get down the road and decide that our WAS's don't deserve us. Or, maybe WAS's come around and we work things out. But, we're not trying to save the M anymore, we're trying to save us. We're being the best US that we can be and giving WASs time to figure out where they are going to take their lives. Ultimately, we're not ready to give up on the M yet. But, WASs don't get to decide when we are done, we do.

So, if you're done ...... be done.

If you want to stand for M, then do that.

But, do what you feel is right and what you want.

You sure? There is more to it than that.



Ah. The in love experience or the obsession masked as love has faded. Welcome to real love. Not the kind of love you feel when you get those butterflies or your every thought is consumed by your spouse. No. I am talking about real love. The one that recognizes your partner has bad breath sometimes or one foot is shorter than the other or he has a sleepy eye BUT you still love them anyways. When you can recognize their imperfections and still love them for all their short comings.

See we think that we should feel "in love" with your partner all the time. I disagree. To love someone is to recognize that you will not love everything about them but still chose to love them.

That is how I feel about it.

So again……

Why do you want to save it?

2step!
How do you convince your partner of that?

I'm here for you.
I know you're here for me.

stay strong little grr.

If I knew that 4 months ago I wouldn't be here today. The problem is to come to that conclusion I had to first find myself abandoned. Then I had to decide 1) Keep moving with my life 2) Look in the mirror and stand for my M.

I guess you know what I chose.

How do you convince your partner?

You don't.

You do it and hope that they see it.

At some point they will have their own journey to go on.

We all hope they take it with us and we can show them through action what we have learned. This will force them to get to that point.

OR

They leave and never accept their role in which case they will meet themselves again, only this time with someone new and the cycle continues.

You can't convince them of anything but you can achieve it for yourself. This has a greater impact than we can imagine. I believe that.

This is so very, very true!!!

^^^^^^^^^^^

That was some deep stuff 2Step... Nicely said.

Question though... grr's H has a sleepy eye??

BITS
Denver