Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Will it be this way forever for Fixer??

You've got it backwards Fix.

Do these things for you man. Do them because you enjoy them. Do them because you want to become a better Fixer.

She'll never notice as long as you are trying to get her to. You don't want to live like that anyway. That's the old Fixer.

Be your own person. You don't want to base who you are on how she will or won't see you.

It's going to happen when you just say screw it, I'm doing X,Y and Z because I love it! I like who I am and I really enjoy life again.

That's when it will happen. Not to sound insensitive or give you the wrong idea but when it happens and she finally does take notice, in a way...it won't matter to you that much any more.

Fix,

Part of all of this is accepting that you could very well be one of the most outstanding people to walk the face of the earth and she STILL may not take notice.

Who knows? Maybe her issues will forever cloud her vision. Maybe she doesn't want to be with a great person. Maybe she feels better or more comfortable that way.

It should NEVER take away or change anything when it comes to who you really are. Never.

You have textbook GAL down pat ... no question. But what about attitude and mind set and tone and ....

Fixer, when I read what you write, I sense sad. Not independant, happy, emotionally strong, confident, upbeat ... sad.

All the activities in the world are not going to penetrate that.

You say:
Acceptance and resignation are two different things. You don't sound accepting, you sound resigned.

Attractive is a mindset ... you have to feel it and then you don't have to project it, it emmanates from you.

Peace
PEI

[/i]“Hold it the greatest sin to prefer existence to honor, and for the sake of life to lose the reasons for living”[i]

Fixer......What are you showing your daughter? That life is merely to exist or that there is a reason for living?

Do you live to exist or exist to live? Same words....VERY different paths.

Fixer....

Six years later....

What do YOU want ?

What do you envision your life looking like down the road ?

What is stopping you from getting there ?

Journaling,

It's been a while. Yes, I'm good at GAL. Sometimes my W and I go out and have a good time. People that we know look at us and can't believe what we're going through. My W is a different person at home then when she's out. At home she watches endless hours of TV and doesn't want to do anything else.
I come and go as I please. Sometimes, I feel as though I'm having a MLC.
At least she's seeing a councelor. Hopefully, she will help my wife to either stay or divorce me.

Either way I'm good with it.

Fixer.

Fixer, your sitch scares me. I can almost see this happening to me and I don't want it! You have the patience of a saint. I will probably just go crazy.

I have a D12 though so I understand and I will probably do the same thing for my child's welfare.

Looks like you have tried everything, and your W is still the same, so really, its your choice. YOU have to make the decision, and so you know the answer to your question.

Hi Angel,

I have one piece of advice. Don't take what your H does personal. When I take what she does personal it hurts. When I look at her actions as an outsider - I feel bad for her.

Fixer

Yesterday we went out to dinner. My W, D13 and I had a nice time. Sometimes D13 and I will act silly and joke around about stupid stuff. In the past my W use to think I was serious and get angry. It was nice yesterday to watch her laugh and play along.

Oh and did I tell you she's gone to a least 2 counseling sessions. I don't know how they are going, but at least she's getting some help.

Fixer

Fixer

I am glad your W is going to counceling. Are u.

I noticed that you never answered Mach's question. Why is that?

So fixer what is it that you want in your life? How do go about trying to get whatever it is that you want?

Eric