HI Andrea...haven't been around much...Did talk to h tonight for about an hour on the phone..I just vented all kinds of work issues and he opened up about losing his job..he is not worried..he feels something with come out of it..I did not ask if he has started looking...I had a bad habit when he quit his job before to nag..so this time I am not going to...he did say that some of the exec's at the bank are really upset that he is gone..I said they must not have had enough influence..they seem to be asking his ff(who work there and h bowls with)how he is doing instead of calling him themselves..I did ask if he was really doing ok..he said yes..I asked if he would tell me if he wasn't..he said yes..which would be a first for him. So it was a pleasant talk..
I'm doing OK. Thanks for asking and no I haven't started another thread ... yet(?). Actually all was very good thru out the holidays, but on the second day of the new year, there was some more contact with OM and the downturn part of the cycle started all over again. ... so its more of the same ... until I can come to terms with how long will I wait for her to break the pattern and/or with what I will need to do to break it, there really is no need to continue anymore threads about this limbo I'm in.
Right now its not bothering me much as now that I can redirect most of my focus on all the new company changes impacting my job right now. Unfortunately, those same changes are also "interfering" with the amount of time I can chat with my friends here and I have been missing not being able to stay in touch with you all regularly.
So H likes to sit at home at night and watch TV. Now I can see where that might cause some conflict with feeling like a husband should feel comment. He probably views wanting "TV nite" as being selfish and creates a combo of having to feel a bit guilty doing it or gets resentful when he has to spend his time in other ways.
For a 180, what if you asked if you could go over to his place for the evening to just veg out on the couch and watch some TV ... bring some popcorn and drink. Maybe do this once a week and if it works maybe a couple times a week. Work at showing him that sharing time together can be doing what he wants to do.
I'm still trying to combat this headcold, but continue to ponder more about those "husbandly feeling". While I haven't come up with any detailed suggestions yet, I think the goal here is to redirect his focus on the lack of these feeling and more towards feelings of companionship. I do believe those are there ... they just need to be brought up to the surface more. Once his focus is more emphasized on companionship, I think he will start to realize these are the one and the same as the feelings he thought he once lacked and by you doing the 180's and acts of "as-if" that show him that you only are looking to enjoy his companionship (even if it is just sitting on a couch), will work towards easing those fears of returning to the old patterns.
Actually all was very good thru out the holidays, but on the second day of the new year, there was some more contact with OM and the downturn part of the cycle started all over again. 
