I got the most touching email/letter I've ever received from my father tonight. As some of you may have already guessed ... he's a pretty tough guy from a very tough family. So, this was very out of character. It made me cry my eyes out ... I haven't cried like that during this whole sitch. Anyway, I wanted to share it on my thread. I put it on FOBDs as well since I thought he could use it as well.
Quote:
IronMan: I just wanted you to know how proud of you your mother and I are of you and how you are dealing with your marriage troubles. I know it is very hard to understand what is going on and how it will all end.
Don't let yourself get so stressed out you get tied in knots. It will all work out for you.
You are handling your situation so much better than I could, we are with you in whatever happens.
Good luck with everything and know how much we love you.
BTW, fixed what I could on the car. More to follow. She was very appreciative. And, in the end .. I did this for ME. I wasn't expecting anything in return. I was helping my best friend.
B.I.T.S
Formerly known as onStepAtATime Me:31 W:31 T:13 yrs M:8 yrs D: 20 months ILYBNILWY: 9/22/10 "I want a separation" 1/05/11
Oh ... one more thing about yesterday. Since her car was having problems, she took my pickup to work. On the way home, she backed into a car in the parking lot with it.
So, in addition to wrecking our family, saying she had to leave to that she could feel ok about dating other people, demanding we lose $40k we put in our house by selling now, and any other list of major infractions ... we can add an insurance claim and a dent in my truck. Atta girl!
Happy Valentine's Day Honey! You are winning at life!
B.I.T.S
Formerly known as onStepAtATime Me:31 W:31 T:13 yrs M:8 yrs D: 20 months ILYBNILWY: 9/22/10 "I want a separation" 1/05/11
Ironman - When did she say that she had to leave to feel okay about dating OM? I think that I missed that. I apologize.
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Oh ... one more thing about yesterday. Since her car was having problems, she took my pickup to work. On the way home, she backed into a car in the parking lot with it.
So, in addition to wrecking our family, saying she had to leave to that she could feel ok about dating other people, demanding we lose $40k we put in our house by selling now, and any other list of major infractions ... we can add an insurance claim and a dent in my truck. Atta girl!
Happy Valentine's Day Honey! You are winning at life!
Isn't it interesting how WASs act out like children (or more precisely, teenagers) no matter the circumstance or background of the marriage? There are quite a lot of reason to this behavior, but I want to list two that I believe play a role:
A. They believe they have a right too. It can be a conscious decision to do so, but can be subconscious as well. We, the spouses, acted like children during our marital problems, so now when our husbands/wife decide they need to be free, they drop their responsible roles and become teenagers -- sometimes mature, sometimes totally not, sometimes certain, sometimes totally not.
B. Two words: The Devil. You know the old saying "An idle mind is the Devil's playground"? The common understanding is literally idle minds (like children's) can lead to bad behavior, bad deeds, etc. From an adult's perspective though, I believe that an idle mind refers to a mind not filled with love, God or both. Without either of them, our mind does everything opposite of God and/or love. Why do we wonder why our spouses are suddenly not the same people we fell in love with?
So, in addition to wrecking our family, saying she had to leave to that she could feel ok about dating other people, demanding we lose $40k we put in our house by selling now,
Wow that's a good chunk of money to lose. Did you tell her that if you guys could sell the house without time restrictions, then that 40k could be applied to your kid's education? I told that to my W and she agreed to us not selling the house if it was under water.
BITS M 38 W 36 D 7 Married 15 yrs W left for 6 months in 2009 W Filed for D 01/03/11 piecing now...
Hi Denver ... not sure I ever discussed it in detail. But in the beginning, when I was begging her not to go and trying to find out why she wanted to separate she implied that she never got to choose me really, and feels that she really missed out on an important part of life because she didn't get to date a lot before we met.
She also said that she needed to separate because she wasn't a good wife. That she was only not doing things because she didn't want to hurt me ... not because she didn't want to do them and that wasn't right.
She also said when I pressed that there was somebody she wanted to date but that she didn't know how to reach him anymore.
What a selfish B
B.I.T.S
Formerly known as onStepAtATime Me:31 W:31 T:13 yrs M:8 yrs D: 20 months ILYBNILWY: 9/22/10 "I want a separation" 1/05/11
Hi Denver ... not sure I ever discussed it in detail. But in the beginning, when I was begging her not to go and trying to find out why she wanted to separate she implied that she never got to choose me really, and feels that she really missed out on an important part of life because she didn't get to date a lot before we met.
She also said that she needed to separate because she wasn't a good wife. That she was only not doing things because she didn't want to hurt me ... not because she didn't want to do them and that wasn't right.
She also said when I pressed that there was somebody she wanted to date but that she didn't know how to reach him anymore.
What a selfish B
Uggg... Ironman. It absolutely kills me to say this, but do you really think that your W is being selfish?
Man, something is hurting inside of her... she feels that something with HER life is incomplete. It isn't selfish for her to explore that and to figure out IF what she has now is happiness for HER.
All of us only have one shot at this crazy roller coaster of life... Your W too.
As badly as I KNOW this hurts you, you need to be the rock right now. If you truly love your W, unconditionally, you will let her process this... and figure out what path she wants for HER own life... NOT your's... hopefully that path leads back to you...
But...
That can only happen if you are the rock in your M... and the lighthouse for her to find her way home.
This will take time and patience Ironman... and you WILL be bloodied in this battle...
but I really think that it will happen for you.
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
I could be going trough some kind high right now (maybe its the sugar from my soda), but trying to be a rock for your W and being there patiently and lovingly sometimes does give this weird sense of pride, hope and joy. I mean I know that there were troubles on both sides. But I am willing to stay behind for the marriage and let my W take time and explore places for happiness. When she does come back to the new me, this might be single biggest accomplishment in my life that i'll always be proud of. So maybe this can be taken as some kind of challenge. Yea you might lose some money and age, but what you gain will give a great sense of joy and pride hopefully for the rest of your life.
BITS M 38 W 36 D 7 Married 15 yrs W left for 6 months in 2009 W Filed for D 01/03/11 piecing now...
I could be going trough some kind high right now (maybe its the sugar from my soda), but trying to be a rock for your W and being there patiently and lovingly sometimes does give this weird sense of pride, hope and joy. I mean I know that there were troubles on both sides. But I am willing to stay behind for the marriage and let my W take time and explore places for happiness. When she does come back to the new me, this might be single biggest accomplishment in my life that i'll always be proud of. So maybe this can be taken as some kind of challenge. Yea you might lose some money and age, but what you gain will give a great sense of joy and pride hopefully for the rest of your life.
Kudos Karma!! I agree with that 100%.
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
