Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Piecing Our Marriage Back Together Again Piecing is almost harder than before...

No worries Jack.

I was thinking more about the support than the dangers for the LBS'

It's funny, I was looking and some of your story and I seem to recall a certain someone posting their email address. Ha ha. guess things have changed.

They have alot.

Tough day for me too...

W initiated a R talk last night and everything not so good. Apparently the Valentine's card I gave her really set her off. It was mushy and heartfelt. She asked me why I would do that? Don't I know where we are? What has she done to make me think she wanted that? How did I expect her to respond? etc, etc.

It wasn't a fight with yelling or anything, but very very difficult conversation. I tried to both listen and validate and express my feelings too. Very difficult. She said she doesn't know what she wants. I told her I'd wait. She said she didn't believe me. She thinks I'm only here because she's a "trophy" -- she's very beautiful. But with this pain, I swear I'd be gone in a second if I didn't love her deeply - I don't care what she looks like and I told her that. I asked her if she wanted me to leave again, she said no, but couldn't really tell me why.

Today, TM where she says she's sorry she upset me. Still has "ILY" in those messages. I'm so damn confused. I really don't know which way is up.

Was there something in the water around her yesterday?

I guess I should add, that W asked me why I am putting so much pressure on her. She says I'm always looking at her and trying to talk, etc. I knew I was, but didn't realize the extent. I'll try hard to back off.

I know that ultimatums don't work, but what about internal, personal deadlines? On May 4th, I will have been home from separation for 6 months. In my mind I'm thinking that if I can't see real progress in her by then I give up. Does that make sense? I just have this overwhelming need for a finish line somewhere that I can look towards? Is that dumb? I don't want to look back in 10 years and think I could have done more, but I don't know what more I can do right now.

Could it all be a test? We've been getting along so well - I thought. I'm sure she's scared, and I know she's hurt. Maybe her mind plays the same games that mine does. I'm really anxious to see how she is tonight when I see her.

I'd forget the try part of it and do it.

XYZ,

That internal time frame?

Bad idea, 6 months? 4 days? Just numbers. Seriously.
Make it to tomorrow.
"Today is not the day I quit. Tomorrow, I'll see what happens tomorrow, but today is not that day"

Repeat that everyday.

If you had to walk from Boston to Los Angles, you wouldn't. But if you walked from Boston to Situate, and then to Cape Cod...

Pull yourself along day by day, mile by mile, do not look how far you have to go, but how far you have come.

F dude...what is going on? Wasn't this supposed to happen yesterday??

I'm telling you what though. I'm taking JTB's advice. I thought about a time line in the same way you were talking but I KNOW she's not on the same one. So I have to do it day to day.

Great advice, JTB. I'll try as hard as I can each day.

I really no longer know if I'm piecing or DBing. W still says ILY, but zero affection now. Not even a hug and cheek kiss. It feels like she's going the wrong direction. I'm backing off too. I was so hopeful just two days ago and now not so much....