Okay so it was a great day today, but still well short of outstanding.
In contrast, I'd say yesterday was an outstanding day because I remained focused on the things that were most important to me, I was being responsible for getting the results that I desire, and I was doing things that were important to me, rather than anybody else.
I had an awesome workout, an outstanding day at work, plenty of rest, relaxation, good food, fresh air, connected with family and friends...
And despite about 30 minutes of self-indulgent whimpering over imaginary problems about my wife, I gave myself top marks for the way that I thought, felt and behaved throughout the day.
Today, however, I have spent too much time on these boards, I did not exercise at the pace that I desire, nor did I work as effectively as I require in order to achieve the things I want.
In short, today I dropped my standards for myself. Today I have done some great things, but great is not the new standard I have vowed.
What's great is that I know I am doing things for myself. What's great was reading that post (I think it was from Michelle?) about time being the LBS friend.
But what's outstanding is when I design my hourly results in advance, and then follow through on the things I am intending, which keeps me feeling happy, confident and creative all along the way.
To get results like I have never seen before, I must become something I have never been before.
What must I become? I must become congruent. Truly, deeply, profoundly happy with myself, for nobody but myself.
My DBing is not about my wife. It's about becoming the man I was born to be.
Okay. NOW I feel OUTSTANDING!!!
xoxoxoxo
I am being the possibility of:
1) Integrity 2) Loving myself completely. 3) Things flowing naturally between us, without any fear or attachment to the outcome.
Oh I like that! We all might think about putting a note on our mirror that asks that question.
Well, you've shown us a few things in these last couple of posts. You sound like you could be military. You definitely challenge yourself. You like making lists. I'd say you like schedules b/c you are aware of how much time you spend on different activities. In short, you like for your life to be organized. You set the bar very high and grade yourself accordingly.
I really liked your last post. You sound very......smart.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Oh I like that! We all might think about putting a note on our mirror that asks that question.
Well, you've shown us a few things in these last couple of posts. You sound like you could be military. You definitely challenge yourself. You like making lists. I'd say you like schedules b/c you are aware of how much time you spend on different activities. In short, you like for your life to be organized. You set the bar very high and grade yourself accordingly.
I really liked your last post. You sound very......smart.
Wow! Thank you, Sandi. I'll take that as a compliment, because it's a total 180 from how I have often felt and behaved in the past.
In a previous incarnation, I was lazy, undisciplined, lacking respect for myself and others, weak, dishonest, vague, lost...
But now now I am in command. I have become strategic. Resourceful. Regimented. Reliable. Strong. Proud. Courageous. Clear. Honest. Direct. Solid.
And all built on a solid foundation of Love.
Much to my shock and delight, my adherence to these higher standards that I have set for myself, and my unwavering commitment to uphold my own personal code of honor, is not confining. It is liberating.
Thank you for your wonderful words of recognition and encouragement.
If I was in the military, I would probably salute you. But since more of training and self-discipline has come from yoga, instead I will say God bless you.
I am being the possibility of:
1) Integrity 2) Loving myself completely. 3) Things flowing naturally between us, without any fear or attachment to the outcome.
Don't have time to talk about this now, but it's something I've just thought of that I feel is really important so I want make a note and write more about it later.
I have not yet given Beckie the wedding ceremony she desires, and I have not consistently given her the quality of passion and intimacy she desires.
It is now crystal clear to me why weddings are so important to her, even though she was willing to drop her standards and settle for something less with me. Going down to the department of motor vehicles to get the license, followed by dinner at The Bone Fish Grill and some mediocre sex was...when I look back upon it now, was disgraceful.
Just as giving yourself to someone sexually is best when held and recognized as being sacred, giving yourself to someone completely and for life must be marked by ceremony.
It must begin on solid ground.
Beckie and I have a wonderful friendship. Indeed we are the best of friends. And, she deserves so much more than I have given her these past four years.
Time for me to stop whining about her lack of commitment and support, to stop focusing on my fears and failures, and to continue focusing on doing the things I must, to turn this ship around.
Invictus
Out of the night that covers me, Black as the Pit from pole to pole, I thank whatever gods may be For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance I have not winced nor cried aloud. Under the bludgeonings of chance My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears Looms but the horror of the shade, And yet the menace of the years Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate, How charged with punishments the scroll. I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul.
- William Ernest Henley
I am being the possibility of:
1) Integrity 2) Loving myself completely. 3) Things flowing naturally between us, without any fear or attachment to the outcome.
Always be prepared for the worst. That may sound negative, but being prepared is your objective. For example, there will be a day that your body or mind will refuse to cooperate with this new regiment and will want to fall back into those old patterns. If you do not have a back-up plan, then you could feel hopeless and want to give up trying. However, if you know that you'll have those times....and have a plan in place....then I believe that will help pull you out and continue.
If you continue with all that you've written, you will be busy and it should help get your entire focus off W. Be sure that you have some time that is "fun" for you.
Don't expect her to fall in step and work as hard as you are doing. A W who wants out of the M has no desire to work at saving it. She doesn't want to hear about it. So, you can come here and tell us, but she will have to "see" the results.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Alamo mentioned Robbins and one thing I learned from Tony is that our emotions have a message for us. They are the body's way of communicating to us.
The message of fear is to be prepared. "Here there be tigers." Get set. Prepare yourself. Be ready.
I greatly appreciate your reinforcement of that message, and your wise counsel to have a back-up plan.
These boards are my back-up plan. My new friends and family are my back-up plan.
And fun is the path I'm on!
It's not quite the landscape that I pictured would be surrounding me, but I am definitely having fun.
Between preparing for the worst and looking for the best, as often as possible, I am remembering to breathe, be neutral, remember the things that are most important, and rise above the drama.
God I would love to just reach out and hug you right now. You have really made my day!
You have given me both encouragement and practical directions.
