Just last week we coming back from parent/teacher interview when he turned to me and said "So you like your life? You're happy?" I looked at him, and saw him eagerly awaiting my answer. And it hit me ... he still wants me to let him off the hook. He wants to justify his actions by believing that now I am better off.
Excellent answer! Hope I can think as fast on my feet as you did here.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
Just last week we coming back from parent/teacher interview when he turned to me and said "So you like your life? You're happy?" I looked at him, and saw him eagerly awaiting my answer. And it hit me ... he still wants me to let him off the hook. He wants to justify his actions by believing that now I am better off.
Excellent answer! Hope I can think as fast on my feet as you did here.
Scylla when you have practiced as much as PEI you start to know the answers by instinct.
PEI you are too old to party????? Nope - disagree.
Hi PEI, I feel special!!! I am glad to hear that you are living well! Lately I have been having thoughts of how life would be without H (see my posts, I am feeling soooo much like walking, just barely hanging in there) and reading about how you are doing....I almost feel a twinge of envy there. I am sure my next "letter" to H will have some of that longing to be free theme in it, hopefully minus the vitriol I am feeling is making a comeback in my life, and which I am trying hard to remove. Just like Scylla, I am amazed how fast you could think on your feet. Many times when H says something, I am quiet because i can't think fast enough to make sure my response is what I want to be! More and more though I am seeing that it is true, your choice to be happy rests on yourself, and I am now actively seeking that within me. You take care, keep it going, do visit once in a while!
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
It's been a while so I thought I'd throw out a few thoughts ...
First, re money and the part-time job: well the job didn't come through but I am keeping my head above water and actually pretty glad to still have my ME time. Another fine example of "thank God for unanswered prayers" I have some money coming late summer or early fall from a contract renegotiation at work that will help me clear up some debt and if I'm frugal (which can be a challenge for me!) then I'll be fine.
Second, re stbxH: status quo for the most part. We had one incident over March break where he once again tried to force a friendly relationship between OW and I ... and I wasn't having any of it. For the first time in a long time, I got mad. Didn't show most of it to him, but it took me hours to work myself back to a manageable level, and a good day or so to really get past it. He's been much better since, and we continue to get along well, chat on the phone or see each other almost daily because of the way it works with our kids.
Third, re the kiddos: They continue to thrive. I love the open dialogue I have with them and the fact that they can talk to me about anything. I see all kinds of opportunities to apply what I've learned about the 5 love languages, DB, communication, etc to my relationships with them and feel more connected to them than I ever have. They love their time with Mommy and Daddy, OW and her entire family are really good to them and they continue to feel loved and supported from all sides as best as I can tell.
Fourth, re ME: I am doing really great I recently co-organized a benefit for an old friend that I hadn't seen in years and raised a LOT of much needed money to help him and his family see themselves through the summer while he can't work. I've been GALing with my gals from work and my sister and dating some too. I very recently met a fantastic guy and am enjoying getting to know him. I'm actually going with him today to meet his brother, sister-in-law, nephew, father and new step-mother . I had reservations when we met because he is younger than I am, but I got some great advice to get out of my own way. I now see him for who he is, not how old he is. Frankly he's far more emotionally mature than most men I've met my own age! We'll see where it goes, for now it's fantastic and compliments my life nicely. I'm open to seeing where it goes ...
Tomorrow is the anniversary of my niece's death and I can not believe it has been two years. That night seemed to precipiate a crazy, destructive, painful time for my whole family and I find myself reflecting about everything I've been through as a sister, aunt, daughter, mother, wife, friend and woman.
As cliche as it might be, the best way to sum it up really and truly is ...
That which doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger. I'd like to add ... IF you let it. IF you learn from it. IF you choose to become stronger.
My friends, thank you ... for your support, humour, kicks in the a$$, love, friendship and patience. This Easter I hope you choose peace and love and gratitude in your own life, for the choice really is yours.
Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
. I had reservations when we met because he is younger than I am, but I got some great advice to get out of my own way. I now see him for who he is, not how old he is. Frankly he's far more emotionally mature than most men I've met my own age! We'll see where it goes, for now it's fantastic and compliments my life nicely. I'm open to seeing where it goes ...