Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers I haven't done everything wrong...

Thanks Denver, it's hard to remember the feelings we have while were on this rollercoaster. Kinda have to wait for them to come back around.
W is texting A LOT tonight, and forwarded me an email she sent her parents telling them to accept her decision, and that she has not done anything to them (she has hurt them too but is so lost she can't see that either). I have not acknowledged anything from her, but it hurts hearing her so confidently say what she thinks she knows.

She is confused and is hurting herself Islander. Unfortunately, you cannot help her through this. Give her space and time. Do not respond to any of this.

BITS
Denver

Just checking on you Islander... You doing relatively well?

BITS
Denver

I went to church this morning with MIL FIL SD and D. During church W sent me several text messages mostly about paying the bills, one of which stated she was not meeting me for lunch tomorrow. I did not respond to any of her texts, and emailed her about one of the bills, which she said she would pay and thanked me for sending it to her.
After we got back from church, she picked up her D at her parents house. When she walked into her parents house I said hello, and told her that I had payed one of the bills she asked me about. She gave me an evil look and did not acknowledge me. She was only there for a few minutes, but did not speak to me at all. About 2 hours after she left, she sent me a text appologizing for her attitude, then asked me when our car insurance was due (may). I only responded about the bill, not her appology. I recieved several more texts from her, but only responded to the ones regarding our bills (which she said were now paid through February).
I am dissappointed but relieved about her canceling our lunch for tomorrow (I did not let her know that it bothered me-I never acknowledged her).
I feel detached today, but do not know how I am going to feel tomorrow. I still cried several times today, but I keep reminding myself that I will be a better person, that I am already that person.

I wish that there were something that I could tell you Islander to make the pain go away. Lord knows I have been there. Looking back, if I didn't already know it, November and December of 2010 stand as the worst months of my life... my darkest hours.

It does get better. Hang in there.

BITS
Denver

Thank you for checking in on me. It means a lot, and I know that you know that. I feel that I am having progress working on myself, but it is definitely a work in progress. As you said, these are the darkest times that I have ever known. I will not give up. I will move forward, and I pray that my W will be there with me. I know that I will never go back, but that doesn't make the pain go away.

So,
W asks me this morning if it's ok if she comes to the house for lunch at 11, and says she has to come by to get a few things also. I told her that was ok.
I let her control the conversation at first. She wanted to know if she could take my D with her to Disney World next week. I told her I would think about it.
Then I began to tell her that I loved her and wanted to work on our M. I told her that she could me back into our house as easily as she moved out, and that I did not hold anything against. I continued to talk to her, and she said that she needed time, she was not going to make that decision today. I told her that our M would not be the same that it would be better. She said she knew that too. I then brought up that she told me she needed to be by herself bc she had never been alone, but then she moved in with OM. this is where the conversation went bad and she said she did not want to work on anything with me. I told her
that I was not interested on being friends with her if she did not want to work
on our M. She then grabbed a few items from the house and left.

I know that I did not follow DB guidelines, but I am ok with that. I am going to go dark now and see what happens. At the begining of our conversation, I really felt that she was listening to me, and that she was not completely against the possibility of returning home. I don't think I ruined any progress I may have made with her, but only time will tell.

I am trying to do this with my H who left in december. He has filed papers recently and im frantic. Ive cut off the phone calls, etc. He doesnt initiate any communication tho. How will he see any changes or hear any changes? This is confusing to me. The only communication we have is its a house question like something needing fixing. He will not answer any personal questions regardings our S. Im so worried its to late. This is the hardest thing ever to deal with. Do they ever come back after the papers have been filed? When he left he said this was all my fault. He did or maybe still is having an EA. Ive asked begged,cried offered solutions to try and make this work but never get a response. Since he filed ive cut the communication but i am so afraid he means business. Im so confused. I want to work on things because i know there were many good years together. What confuses me about stopping calls, etc., is that making him think we both can be rational adults and the D will go smoother or will it make him want to try at our marriage because of the changes he sees.

I do not feel as good today as what I did yesterday, no that yesterday was so great either. I think that I pushed her too hard when we spoke yesterday. I feel like it is something that I had to do. I am not to the point of regret, I just should have ended the conversation. But I chose to force it. I feel even worse today bc I noticed W came to the house and took a few more items while I was at work. Just reminds me that everything I knew is slowly going away. I have asked W to bring back/split several things of mine/ours that she took from the house. Should I send her an email about it or give it a few days. She says she will return them, but she keeps coming to the house empty handed.

Today is going to be a hard day...

Have you ever confronted the OM?