If you judge from my recent posts from the past week or two, it just seems, for some reason or another, my wife is making additional effort to distance herself from me.
Feel like giving up some days. Evil sure permeates her heart and mind, while her friends and family are no better than unknowing pawns in this twisted game. Happy freakin' Valentine's Day.
My wife sent me this email concerning an overdraft she got via my account. Complicated, but I'm quite sure it wasn't my doing. Anyway, I'm posting the email she sent me, followed by my reply to her. Let me know what you think...
FROM MY WIFE I need to transfer 50 from your checking back to my savings. You had two overdrafts that pulled from my savings for some reason. You need to close out the account and open your own, that would be the best and easiest way to do things...
MY REPLY Can you give me the dates on the overdrafts? I have plenty in my account, so that shouldn't have happened. I'll gladly give you $50 for the inconvenience, but strange that it happened. If the banker you had already knew what s/he were doing when they helped you set up your accounts, such occurrences should either have been setup never to happen or, at least, be explained beforehand so you as the customer are educated.
BTW, I'm typing up the bills that I need you to pay from the past two weeks, i.e. Jan 31-Feb 12. Please standby.
ANALYSIS My first instinct was to solely defend myself (something I'd normally do), which I decided against. My next reflex was to just give in and pay her like a pushover, which I also decided against. I tried to figure out how I could stand my ground, while being understanding without being ignorant.
Regarding my wife's suggestion for me to open my own account elsewhere:
What IS the best response to this? She knows that this our marital account and I've told her that she could've open her own elsewhere. So with that said, would be a sudden surprise to her if I just said something like, "Sure! I'll be glad to get my own account." Or, should I hold my ground as it is?
My wife comes and asks me for the title to her Nissan. I tell her that if she wants it she should go find it herself. She gets all whinny, stating that she doesn't know where it is. I go find it and she tells me that her dad (the car dealer) wants to sell the car and get her a new one. My hunch is this why she asked me to leave the house the other day so our son could talk to his grandparents and private phone calls. It all makes sense now.
She wants me to sign (it's a joint title), and I said no problem, it's just a car. "Not unless you want to keep the Nissan," she said. "Well, I do kinda prefer the Nissan over the Audi," I replied. My wife then said that her dad will sell either car. "Then I need to think about it," was my response. So she gave a week before her dad come down from Tennesse to handle the sale. "As long as you don't snap," she added. I asked her what she meant, and she said that I've been known to change my mind. I said that I don't know y'all are getting the idea that I'll bail. Then my wife kinda smirked, seemingly all knowing. I controlled my frustration and rising temper. Anyway, I reassured her that I won't.
Sheesh, it would've been nice if he did such a thing years ago. Now that we're separated, my wife and her parents are suddenly best friends again. Ah well, at least they're taking care of my wife.
Came to get my son for his bath, and he screams for mom. All he wants is his mom and to bathe in her tub in her room. My wife comes and asks me if it's okay, and I said Ok.
1. Should I have agreed? 2. Just an observation: Is this what they say about children learning how to divide and conquer their parents? When mom is anywhere in the house, I almost can't do anything that otherwise would be exclusively mine and his private time together. When she's not here, my son is a totally different character; he doesn't have conniptions or difficulty going to bed. 3. On the other spectrum, I really hope my wife is not feeding my son negative vibes/words/distancing about me, making me the less wanted person in our son's life. Nothing I do seems to affect her assumption that I'm not a good father. She doesn't trust me, so how can she trust me with our son?
It really breaks my heart that she and her family seem to be trying their darnest to whittle my time (and relationship) with him. I love my amazing boy to death and my wife wants to tear this marriage down, so why does she feel justified to tear up another relationship, I.e. A child with both his parents? Satan, how I loathe thee.
Hi Alamo, I have some questions for you. 1) Would she be negatively impacted if you were to just go open your own account? Maybe she's getting you to finance her lifestyle there.
2) Does she have any reason to think you're a bad father? You need to go out of your way to show you are a GREAT father. I have a baby about the same age as yours. I take it sometimes you have your son and sometimes she does? You are able to feed, bathe him yourself right? My strategy would be to find something new to do with him that he really enjoys. Then, that will be a you and he thing. Can be even something simple ... like he helps you cook. Or ... you play a special game with him during his bath or something. Catch my drift?
B.I.T.S
Formerly known as onStepAtATime Me:31 W:31 T:13 yrs M:8 yrs D: 20 months ILYBNILWY: 9/22/10 "I want a separation" 1/05/11
Hi IronMan, I have some answers for you. 1) Right now she has more money than I do, no thanks to me being unemployed. She directly and indirectly lords that fact all the time. She wants to separate the accounts because this is part of separation/divorce protocol.
2) Because of her zero trust in me, she doesn't trust me with anything - our son, finances, helping her transition out of this marriage, my GALs/changes/180s. Believe me, I give my most as a father to my son (doing fun, new, creative things), while never badmouthing his mom to him, or putting her in negative light. I'm more stern but I've mushed up a bit lately. I have to realize sometimes that at the end of the day there's still that "mommy's boy" dynamic she and my son share. If we all still together, it wouldn't bother me one bit, but now when he "prefers" mom, I feel like another person in this family is slowly walking out of my life. I know that's not the case, but it really hurts sometimes.
It's the saddest and happiest Valentine's Day, at least, in my heart...
I am glad, however, to be part of showing my son what Valentine's Day is. He walked up to my wife with a small bunch of roses and two cards from him (an awesome handmade one - a daddy and son project, and an official one). He had a huge pride-filled smile on his face. "Valentine's Day, mommy"...man, so precious!
Mom, I think was a little apprehensive or surprised, because either she thought I used my son to give her the things, or that she wasn't expecting anything. Once she sees the cards with my son's handwriting and labor of love, I hope she'll relax and enjoy them a little more.
A few minutes later, I handed my son some Valentine cupcakes to share with mommy. Mom, I think, was pleasantly surprised, because she loves cupcakes, but I never got her V-Day cupcakes in the past. Now, my son usually goes to daycare for breakfast (nothing before that to spoil his appetite), but I knew he already had his eye on one particular cupcake since we bought them a couple of days ago. So wanting to be a flexible dad (that's her own criticism of me), I said, "Sure, you may have a cupcake!" as he gazed over at me with his pleading eyes. Mommy had one too and I licked some frosting off of his. Mom then said, "Thank you, Daddy!"
Once again, I'm going to go to a corner and cry now...
Was throwing trash just now and saw my wife had thrown away all the 101 cardstock flowers I handmade (with notes under each one of them) and gave her during Thanksgiving. She had left/kept them in the basket I had presented them in, and even though she never looked at any of them, I had thought there was a reason why she didn't throw them away. And here they are stuffed in a plastic bag in the trash bin. She also threw away some cards I've given to her over the years, and it seems like she will throw them all once she gets around to tidying up her stuff.
I hate this, guys...have I told you that already? I'm so miserable right now.
My W did the same thing. I did a lot of woodworking and made lot of furniture pieces just for her. She always loved it. When she moved, she left every one of them behind. She said she did not want any of them. I can definitely understand how you must feel. The way i have trained myself to look at this is "Hey my wife herself left. Why am i still being sentimental about inanimate objects". I guess i am training myself to put more feelings and emotions on people rather than on things. Now i know thats bad too. But for now i have to do it because my house right now is filled with objects that i made to show my love towards her. You gotta develop the detachment. I think that's also good for long term.
BITS M 38 W 36 D 7 Married 15 yrs W left for 6 months in 2009 W Filed for D 01/03/11 piecing now...
