Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Lighthouse lit till WAW comes out of fog 3

I know what you mean, I too work basically alone except for phone contact. My best friend that I had known since 2nd grade passed away this summer (after a long battle with brain cancer) 3 days after my wife dropped the bomb(I think she wanted to get her bad news in before he died) I do have other friends and we go out at least once a week and raise hell which is the only thing that keeps me sane. You may need a weekend trip solo to visit some old friends or family just to keep your sanity.

sounds like your story is very much like mine. I don't know what would hurt more...living in the same house or not? Your wife sounds like my husband

5 months into this and I really see her getting farther away. She is the coldest she has ever been. We started out at least doing things together with the kids, now she will not even do that anymore.

Since the talk where I validated her feelings, this seems to have allowed her to move on.

I really don't know what I am doing wrong when it comes to DBing. I may not have detached completely, but it seems the more I go my own way, the more she goes hers.

I am supposed to do what works, but I can't find anything that works, and really don't know of other options.

I remember how I saw my W a few months back as, how some people put it, as an alien or sick. I think this was just a label I was putting on her for some sort of reason to explain what she was doing. Anyone else who does this, don't kid yourself. Just because it seems they are a WAW, doesn't mean that they are insane.

Now, I see a woman who knows exactly what she wants. I see a strong determined woman who has made up her mind.

Even though I did not know it at the time, she has done her share of trying, she has done her time talking to god, and has made a decision and it is firmly in place.

I can do all the work, I can come out of this a better man, but the fact is, right now, she is in complete control. As long as I do not want a D, I am paralyzed.

Habit,
I can hear the fear in your posts. I can recognize it b/c I too was once where you are.
Once the pain of your current situation is greater than the fear of what's in the future, then a change will come.

Remember, YOU have choices too. If you want to see a change then you need to flip the situation. You need to start letting your W thinking/worrying about what your gonna do.

You feel like crud b/c your allowing her actions/inactions to effect the way you live. It's a common mistake.

How are you going to flip the sitch??

gr8

How does one conquer their fears???







By facing them head on! Your fear of her D you is your gryptonite. It's preventing you from living your life the way you want to.

Women sense fear like a wild dog. It';s not an attractive trait.

Women like confident men, Men who can handle a woman's feelings.

Let her problems be hers, stop trying to fix the M.
If you haven't yet, pick up the book Boundaries.

It will teach you how not to allow other peoples problems affect your life.

Your fear is showing, habit. And it has become a habit, just like your name, and thus the sitch is frozen in place because of it.

You have to start envisioning what life would be like without her, what are the things you truly want in life if it were not dependent upon your W.

Is there anything that you can do with regards to your job? Your home? Your kids? Do you have a dream that is unfulfilled, not having to do with your W but with regards to personal goals?

Question for you Habit.

How is your mood around her?

What are you doing to display a confident, attractive male?

Unfortuantely, I can identify with all you said habit.
You're not alone pal. Prayers, Pickle.

Well, she started looking for a divorce attorney. What now? How do I react?
She has never let me in. She is a closed book. It is no different today than in september, except she is ready to move on.
I have always waited for her to come talk about R. It never happened. Now I wish I would of just talked because I always new she would just avoid things and keep it all inside. Maybe DBing wasn't for my sitch, but I made my choice a long time ago and I fear it was the wrong one.