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About the BITS - can it be "Buddies in the [censored]?"

Just a couple of days ago I volunteered for some responsibility that was iffy - I told the project manager when she asked if I was sure - I was in such deep [censored] anyway that it did not matter....

then I thought of the BITS. LOL.

oops, forgot the censored part : )

haha ..... DOUBLE DOWN eh Angel?

Unfortunately no, there isn't 1Step. Lord how I wish that there were.

I have a somewhat different take on inviting your W to visit your parents. I think that you SHOULD talk to your parents and see if you can get them to be okay with it. If you can, and feel comfortable that they will be pleasant with W, then I would just kind of casually throw the invite out to W.

"I'm taking the kids to visit parents, you're more than welcome to come along if you like W" or something along those lines.

I guess I kind of see a small risk that you make your W feel alienated if you don't at least do that.

One danger is to make your W feel that she is being condemned by your friends and family. If she feels that way, it may make it harder for her to come back to the M. I have seen some signs of this with my W. She is very concerned about what my friends and family think.

JMHO though.

Thanks for your words of encouragement on my thread BTW... I needed that.

BITS
Denver

^^^^^

What Denver said... ALL OF IT.

My H, too, is very concerned about what my friends and family think. My mother wrote a sweet e-mail to me during December that said that my H was still her family and she still loved him. I felt it was appropriate to send it to my H. I cannot begin to tell you how much that diffused the situation.

Take care of yourself!!!!

LIS

I believe part of what makes women leave their husbands is that they have managed to take control of them, and resulting from that, they no longer respect them. When a women does not respect a man, she is not attracted to him.

Rediscovering your masculinity is KEY in this process.

Keep on the path you are on onestep. Be decisive, in-control of yourself, cocky, upbeat, sure of yourself, physically and mentally strong. Read my sig, think about the meaning, and consider how it applies to what you have been doing.

There are many resources out there for men who have lost (or never had) such masculine traits. Unfortunately I can't point you directly to them, but consider further research on the subject.

SF

Hummmm, clearly you and Denver are not parents of M kids nor have grandchildren....

Well, I have been in that uncomfortable seat from both sides and I still say to respect what his parent's want in their home. As I told one of my kids once, I wasn't the one that fell in love with your S, so you need to give me more time. Any parent will feel by their grown children just like they did when they were little and somebody hurt them.

If you push this on the parents, not only will they feel that's unfair (and it is), but the WAW will be able to feel the tension and that her in-laws are having to strain to be nice. That is certainly not going to help matters, in fact, she'll use that as an excuse...not the other way around.

The WAW needs to suffer loss! Come on, you guys! She needs to experience the consequences of her decisions. How is that enforcing any questions about her decisions? She needs to be concerned about what friends and family think.

hmmm... I don't know Sandi. I definitely agree with you to some degree. This is a tough call under 1Step's particular situation. He has already seen signs that his W is questioning her decisions. I think that I'm just suggesting he throw it out there so that she doesn't feel alienated by a complete lack of an invite. I'm definitely not suggesting that he go to her and say that he'd like for her to go, or anything else that would be pursuing. But to just say 'hey, we're going. You're welcome to join if you like"? She would probably already feel that it would be uncomfortable for herself and decline. Wouldn't that feeling suffice as a 'consequence' for her choices?

I guess I'm saying that it seems that 1Step accomplish both.

But then again, I have not been very good at allowing my W to feel the consequences for her choices over the past week. So take my opinion with a grain of salt 1Step.

BITS
Denver

P.S. Sandi - I'd really love to hear your thoughts, 2x4s, and advice on the recent developments with my sitch. My W has made a lot of contradictory statements over the past couple of weeks. She suggested that we have dinner to do R talk and are planning on doing that on Thursday evening. I'd really like to have your perspective if you have the time.

Trying on my new name .... ironMan. Why? Well, because I am a phoenix. Every time my life has a setback .... I step back, rebuild, and come out stronger. Also, like the character in the movie (sorry, I'm not a comic book guy) ... I am prone to being prideful ... and sometimes let my talents justify refusing to do the monotonous.

Funny, because yesterday I felt like curling up in a ball. I'm changing jobs, and waiting to see if/when my W is moving out, and getting ready to put the house on the market. I was scared. I guess I forgot to put the suit on. But, I know that I will be scared on the inside sometimes. That's ok. It is important that I don't let too much of this show on the outside though. I know that I will rebuild a better life out of whatever pieces come out intact after this hurricane.

Hmm, out of nowhere ...... Mom called today and said "we needed some time, but just lately we are more at peace with whatever is going to happen. W can come up with the family this weekend if she wants to"

So, I guess now I can throw it to W. I don't think she'll accept but that way the decision will be hers???

Sandi .... help!!!