We went to happy hour. In short it was good. Talked a lot about him. Afterwards, when we got home, before he had to leave, I was putting on my PJ's. He asked if they were his...we have the same pair. I said no, my are exs and yours are bigger. I made a joke and said I like to steal people's pajama's. As he was leaving he said "I guess it runs in the family"
Back story, and VERY IMPORTANT. We got married when my daughter was 12. She hit a hard point at 15, drug rehab, stole his credit card ect....He always blamed me for being in "denial" After her stint in drug rehab she went to live with her dad. Now she is 20 years old.
She has a 3 month old baby, owns her own home has a newer car (given to her by my parents) and is just about to graduate collage in May.
I have always felt that he was jealous that this "bad" kid was able to pull herself out and get things without my help. He makes rude comments like "I guess everyone has forgotten that she once was a drug addict and a thief" It has gotten to a point where I avoid talking about her or my granddaughter, Stella, to avoid any rude comments.
Him getting over my daughter's past is hard for him. The fact that my daughter went to her father's after rehab crushed him, because her father is a deadbeat(owes me over $400,000 in CS) and he paid for everything that she could ever want, and then she stole from him.
My mom thinks that his resentment is to large for him to get over without a huge price that I will pay...not being able to have a life with my daughter and Stella openly without snide remarks.
me:51 H: 48 No kids together M:14 years seperated:Ask him to GET OUT 3/21/11 Piecing 09/14
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
Last night we went for an early dinner...2 nights in a row. Had a fair time but I met him there. By the time he got home he was in a snit about something MY nephew said. Ended up telling me what a drama queen I was and slammed the door.
I sent him a text 30 minutes later telling him that I deserved a tab bit more respect than a slamming door. He responded...I don't think so.
Last night I feel asleep on the couch. He always wakes me to get into the bed so he can sleep on the couch. He took the bed and left me on the couch. He hasn't slept in that bed in 6 months.
He was very cold to me this morning. Finally warmed up to a luke warm.
I went about my day...DB did some gardening that I NEVER do. All he said...your 5 minutes sure makes a difference....actually 90 minutes it took
went and ran an errond to get a watch battery. Later he asked where I went and I told him. He said they might be able to fix your glasses...then he said "I have them in my other car and I said I would do it, guess it isn't that important to me."
Later, I find MORE moving boxes in the garage.
He keeps make remarks how this is "your house" as if he plans to walk soon.
I really felt that 2 forward steps had been made. Now, 25 steps backward.
Advice please
me:51 H: 48 No kids together M:14 years seperated:Ask him to GET OUT 3/21/11 Piecing 09/14
I would go with #3...you are going out of your way to be nice to him, which is good, but he is blatantly disrepecting you...don't think you should have to put up with that.
BITS M: 35 W: 35 T14, M11 D9, S6 ILYBINILY: June 09 Unofficially Separated (long distance): 1/2/11 W came home: 3/17/11 EE: July 2012 Dropped the rope: Oct 2012 Piecing: April 2013 Not piecing: April 2014 Stuck.
Ok sad let me ask you a question because I've just read the entire post and I am a little confused.
What lead to the break down?
Give a little more info because I think I caught that you said you have been distant from him. Ignoring him doing your own thing or not paying any attention to him. I am correct?
You say you are DBing? What are you doing? What are your 180?
Take a breathe and be calm. I am sorry you have not gotten much guidance here and I don't know what help I will be but I will at least stay with you and see if we can at least organize your thoughts.
DBing is not just following the book to a letter even if what you are doing is not working.
If your husband craves contact or affection and you "act as if" then that might not work. If he feels you are cold and distant and you get GAL and ignore him aren't you just reinforcing what he thinks? A 180 is about doing something different. What are you doing different?
This day [censored]!!!!! I am torn about what to do about it. If I acknowledge it and he doesn't, will I feel stupid? Any women out there doing something for their H's?
me:51 H: 48 No kids together M:14 years seperated:Ask him to GET OUT 3/21/11 Piecing 09/14
