Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives For Newcomers Archives As the Bolt Turns

Bolt, hey let yourself live in the moment for just a second. Enjoy the progress you have made. If only for a minute or two, just enjoy the fruits of your labor. Then, go back to DB'ing.

Please keep the positive vibes coming. I really need them right now!

BITS never walk alone!

FOBD

Oh believe me, I recognize. I'm not too sure I'm "patting myself on the back." I guess you don't read too closely either.

I never did sexually harass at all. It was perceived not even by the person who was the "accuser" but her boyfriend. He is the one who brought it to HR and since it was brought and I was in a supervisor position, I had NO leg to stand on.

And yes, I DID get fired for goofing off and someone taking things the wrong way. You do realize this is 2011, right? Get a clue.

I don't have the time or the energy to get into the entire case with someone that I won't waste zeroes and ones with.

My "harassment" situation is definitely not the first and won't be the last.

Lied to my W? Not even close. I told her everything that was going on from day one. Was it right? NO and I admit that. Did she enable? She sure did and admits it.

And the thing about special merit? I never said I was a boy scout and deserved a badge for driving Miss W to work. Should I have done that in the past? Hell yeah, I should have. Maybe I wouldn't have been in this sitch in the first place had I done that.

I guess we can't all be clairvoyant as you to know everything it takes to be a perfect spouse - by the way, why are you here? I'm guessing it's not because of your supporting and sparkling personality.

Go take your vitriol and venom and spew it over the S who has left you. If you want to give constructive criticism, I'm all for it. But the BS deserves to be flushed down the toilet just like the old bolt.

fobd!
Sorry for that minor inconvenience. Some gnats just need to be swatted.

I guess I'm going for another merit badge (guffaw)

It's funny because I think of Old Bolt and New Bolt especially during times like these. I'm glad that selfish a$$ is gone and CAN find peace and joy in the little things of doing good for others.

It's funny because I never had a problem helping/encouraging/propping up anyone at work. They were my team and I wanted the best for them. But I didn't do that much at home. I took the W for granted.

It's nice to finally not do that and give her what she wants/needs.

OH and by the way, the only person besides me that it really matters to is my W.

(GIANT pat on the back)

bolt, i am patting you on the back
you have turned things around in such a great way
you have realized what your wife needs and given in spades
it's funny husband always used to say i never gave him "credit" for the things he would do
i thought that he should, as my partner, just do them
but now i realize, that a kind word for something that he did would have gone a long way
by the way...who is your new friend???
"honey"??? really???
and yes, people get let go for someone else's perception
happens all the time now
yikes
anyway - bolt have a great day and a big hug and even bigger pat on the back from your pal in nyc

Acts of service... so very, very cool.

Bolt, you should pat yourself on the back. You've become so introspective about all of your interactions and that is so cool to watch. You treat your wife as if she were precious glass and that, my friend, is what is going to keep this going in the right direction. You constantly remind yourself that DB'ing is a way of life and not something to be done only to get your wife back. All such good, good things. We're so proud of our Bolt.

I'm praying for you.

LIS

Bolt.

I'm sorry you don't take criticism well. You also were patting yourself on the back. You wrote "Husband of the Year." or did you not? What did you mean by that then, if not patting yourself?

Your sexual harassment story gets more unbelievable every time I read it. Now a boyfriend makes a sexual harassment complaint. I've handled hundreds of sexual harassment claims/lawsuits, yes even this year too. Yours is indeed a unique story. I know people tend to spin things in their favor. So I guess if you believe it, it's true.

I'm not trying to be super critical, but I'm trying to save you from yourself. People don't like the truth. Come on, you were looking for a pat on the back, at least be honest about that.

Why do I write this? I WAS you a few years ago. I WAS in the same situation you are in. Heck I even think I used the phrase "husband of the year" a time or two. You think the changes are going to last, you think as long as keep being super husband you will make it. It isn't that simple.

2X4 time - You are doing these acts for her, not you. You are doing these acts for some reward. Elevating these tasks in your mind takes them out of the day-to-day world, not good. What happens the day that she doesn't thank your for them? How will you take it? Or what happens if she gives everything back and you stop doing this out of apathy or laziness?

I see a lot of the "old bolt" in your post to me. If one post on a message board can bring him back, I'd bet your sitch can too.

It's sad that we realize that almost too late. The good news is that we can relearn and do better. Have you read that five love languages book? It has helped me tremendously.



HA! Yeah, new friend We go waaaay back

I wanted to say that we had another great night. She's really opening up more and more and feeling very comfortable with the new Bolt and the new Mrs. Bolt. I know it's just a matter of time before we are going to start peeling the paint off the walls (if you catch my drift).

She's being so much more attentive to my needs and we are acting as a couple again. I'm glad we're going through this because I'm feeling so much more love for her now. It's definitely been rekindled.

Time to stay on my goals!!

thanks for the encouragement. I wish you the best as well!

lis - I like the analogy of a glass. It's very true and something to remember.

hey all!
I actually feel a little bad posting b/c things are going well BUT I want to offer the encouragement of what is just around the corner for you guys.

Yesterday, my goal was to just basically let the W work and not worry about what she was doing. I mentally backslid a bit by being a little insecure for some stupid reason and slapped myself upside the head to continue to GAL.

So I did. Yesterday, went to the beach to run and read. Even fell asleep there. Well, while there, I turned my phone off. I forgot and then came home a bit later.

Got some writing done and then realized I hadn't talked to W all day. She normally calls or texts just to say hi. Right when I was thinking that, she calls (serendipity anyone?)

I said, "I was just thinking about you." She said that she called a few times today but I wasn't around. We're showing the house to sell, so I was in and out most of the day and then the whole turning off the phone at the beach thing.

Anyway, she comes home and I thought for sure she would just be tired and go to bed - it's totally fine because of a 12 hour shift can do that.

BUT she wanted to chat. Just chat. I tell you what, I've learned to listen and really WANT to know what went on in her day. Old Bolt could give two sh#ts. I now know that she needs that to feel loved and you can bet your sweet buns that I'm going to give that to her.

Long point later, she is really into the cuddling thing now. All throughout the night and in the morning. I'm diggin it because that's what I need to feel loved. I can honestly say that my love bucket is getting filled.

but the work isn't done. I've read some posts on the piecing list that just freaking breaks my heart about how things got BACK to worse. I don't want to be there. Work every day.

Which part that you are telling us makes you feel bad, Bolt?

The sun and the beach while most of the rest of us are freezing our rear ends off?

Or how about the time to just sit and read yesterday?

The long, beautiful chats with your wife?

Or the cuddles when most of the rest of us are cuddling with our pillows, dogs or cats??

Seriously, you CANNOT feel bad. You know why? It does bring us strength and hope and a roadmap to get back home. And you know why else?? It's the most important thing... Bolt is a part of us! If Bolt is happy, so are we!!!!

You rock, Bolt. Carry on... but I swear one more word about the beach and I'm gathering a posse, hunting your a$$ down and beating you senseless.

I'm praying for you, sweetie!!