Life has come back into play, and H and I have both been busy. I feel he is distant, but that could be the busy part. This week, the septic tank backed up, H had to dig it out from under the garden my parents planted on top of the tank lid, and it's been colder than snot! I've been gone to meetings or at class almost every night this week, and cleaning up cubby holes the nights I have been home. This weekend, I need to make time to connect. I really wish H would take the initiative to connect with me. That would help with the nagging feeling that he's in this R because it's the "right" thing to do, not because he wants to. Still thinking of finding a way to tell him how I feel about my loose ends. I really want to know what his feelings for OW are at this point in time. that wondering continues to eat at me. However, I am content. Life is good.
It is a good idea to be conscious of that connection with H. I am sure you have an idea of what went wrong to start with, so be sure not to fall back into old habits.
If your H is anything like mine (and I think he is), you may never get the words you are looking for unless you outright ask the questions. If actions indeed do speak louder than words, maybe trust the actions for awhile longer.
Have you given any more thought to another retroville weekend, or some kind of marriage counseling .....just to help clear the air a little??
(Can you tell that I am green with envy at where you are??? )
Relaxed weekend. H is drinking a tad too much still. It really picked up last year when the bomb dropped (gee, that was actually Sep 2002!), and has tapered off, but still alot. He's snoring on the floor every night by 9.
Spent Saturday with family everywhere, while H and BIL's fixed the septic system. Meant that things he said he wanted to do (take son shopping for boots) didn't happen. He did agree to go on Sunday, drove across town, and even stopped to look at rugs with me.
Interesting comment on Sunday, as we watched television. H asked if I had ever had my heart broken (came out of a television commercial) - "other than by me, I mean," he added. I replied "that's okay, you fixed it." I asked him the same, (last Jan he was crying on my shoulder because OW refused to see a married man anymore). He answered "I don't remember." Told him if he broke it again, I'd get pissed. He just glowered a bit.
If he can't take this teasing, he's not going to take direct questions. I have given myself a new deadline to let it rest until the 1 year mark of his amazing return - mother's day weekend.
I hope I'm filling his tank. Sometimes he looks discontent. Maybe it's just paranoid me looking for things to go wrong.
How are you? I am glad you are sailing along quite well. Your R with H seems to improve a lot. I actually envy you.
I have not the courage to cuddle my W for nearly 2 years now. We are at a plateau. Holiday was nice. No interruption from the om. The first 2 weeks I think my W was still communicating with the om. After then she returned her sister SIM card, so she could not send mail to the om (we were overseas). We did not have any R talk. I did not want to spoil the holiday. On one occasion our D was upset when my W bought 2 set of the same CD. She told her she wanted to give to her co-worker. D locked her up in her room and refuse to have dinner. I asked my W why can't she stop communicating with the om during our holiday. SHe said the CDs was for other FF (not her co-worker). I told her why did not she say so. Since then my W tried not to upset our D again. We had quite an enjoyable holiday. But I feel still the emotional distance between us.
Today my W is back to work. Maybe she jumps straight back to the om. I don't think she got over the R.
When you feel emotionally close to your H, no declaration is required. You know two of you belong to each other.
In my case, I don't have the comfortable feeling that my W is back with me. I don't need declaration, but I will know from her action that she is back. That's why I feel that emotional connection is important.
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