Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Help!

He got more stuff today. I lost my ride home from work, so he agreed to pick me up so we could head to my house and he could do more packing. I did not dissuade him. I chatted with him on the way home about minor things. I ate, took a shower, and played with "our" now my dog while he packed. I helped him locate a few things he was looking for. He told me what hotel he was staying at for this week, and then said he had made plans to move in with a buddy from sterling. He said the guy needed a room mate and since he was only home two weeks out of the month anyway, it would work fine. He told me we could keep sharing our PO Box and that I could put the phone in my name when I could get to it. He also said that he would get the rest of his stuff out as soon as possible. I told him no rush.

I called him to ask about fuel he had for my toyo that I paid him for and could not find. He then said he would pick me up from work so that he could come get more stuff. I asked him if he wanted to have dinner, nothing weird, just dinner. He assked if I still had some rabbit meat in the freezer from the rabbits he had caught. I said of course. He offered to pick up some veggies and cook the rabbit for us. I agreed. Need advice...how do I approach this dinner?

He is making me dinner tonight at my house. I already tried posting this...He said he tried to read a few of the articles I sent him, but can only access email on his phone right now and the print is too small and difficult to read. He changed his gmail password on computer and now can't remember it..I sent him a link to his other email..he never used it, and I sent the articles there. I texted and told him I am doing this for me, which I am..but if he read something that interested him, we could discuss it. No response so far...so I texted and just said, not trying to bug you with this, see you at five, have a good day..and am leaving it at that...am NOT going to talk about R at dinner, unless he brings it up...not going to ask who he has been with or what he has been doing...just going to try to enjoy dinner with him...any other suggestions? I did order divorce remedy, already had divorce busting...can't wait for it to get here...

Ordered Divorce Remedy. I hope at the least it helps me to heal...I am a wreck. I love this man. Dinner tonight will be soo hard...I have to focus on being pleasant, upbeat and complimentary, but not overboard.

Really need to work on GET A Life....Am working every day this week, but maybe next week, I can work on my writing again. I need ideas for nondrinking social activities...thoughts???

Ok, so I screwed up. I asked him if he had read any of the articles I sent him and he said he could not on his phone again. I said I had sent him a link for computer, and he said, yeah, I'm not gonna read them. I said ok, I will stop sending you them...I had sent him a few of Michelle's articles and told him this was what I was reading for me and I hoped we could take time and think things through..I then got mad and covered it sort of..was calm..a 180 for me...and said, you know I can't ask you not to see anyone else...I am not going to see anyone else because I don't want to right now..I want to just work on me...but I have no right to ask you not to do anything..you left me...I need to accept that.

Backtracking, while he was here..he made dinner, while I did work paperwork. I thanked him and we shared a meal. It was just ok. He then said he would put fuel in tank, I told him he did not have to ..I needed to learn to be more self sufficient. He insisted...so I let him. I thanked him. He only put one of the two containers in saying, this way if you run out you will have another container that will get you through a day til you can arrange to get fuel. I thanked him and agreed that was smart.

He asked me to call him and let him know when he could come get his stereo out of his older truck during daylight hours. I said any morning before nine. He asked if I could call him and let him know when, I told him I would prefer he called me so I wasn't bothering him. He left angry though...so I called him and said...look, I am trying to give you what you want...if you want to be done, I can't stop that. I am not going to see anyone else and yet, I have no right to ask you not to..you alluded to the fact that you were...so I guess that is up to you. He said I am not seeing anyone else...and I said, well that is up to you. I can't tell you what to do.

He got mad about that and said he was driving and could not continue conversation. I said I understood, and he then said I don't know what I want and then said I gotta go. I said bye.

I don't know what to do..when I pursue he gets mad and runs, when I do not pursue he gets mad. I feel like I keep making things worse and I don't know what to do ...I really can't wait for Divorce Remedy book to get here.

A 180 of sorts for me...texted him a quick apology. This is what I said.
Thank you for putting fuel in the tank, for making dinner, and pulling screen out of sink. Sorry I am not doing so well at this stuff.. but I am trying. I just meant to say (and I really do mean this) although I do not want you to see anyone, I have no right to ask you not to. I am not going to. I am going to keep reading and working on this stuff. I let my wants get in the way of what you were saying...what you said was you don't know what you want...and you are not seeing anyone else and don't want to right now. After rethinking the evening that is what I heard..I let my emotions and my wants take over and put words in your mouth and read more into your words than was there. I believe you aren't seeing anyone and don't know what you want...and that is your right and my fault really...so again, I am sorry. I will try to listen more closely and not get so emotional and read too much into things...at the very least, I would like to be friends, if you want.
Colleen Flood

So, 180..for me..apologized immediately with text, gmail, and call...for him! He answered phone after getting text and reading gmail...I could tell he appreciated the apology and his voice was definitely softer, not angry. So...now, need to really NOT overdo contact..just a text hello or a gmail have a good day...and leave it that...and my goal...just do that once a day without expecting a reply...I need to just focus on work, writing, and my Remedy book when it gets here...on ME!!! I know he was surprised that I apologized so quickly and I know he appreciated that. I need to tell him thank you more often when he does Anything nice for me...

Good news! I may have an article to write for AK Contractor Magazine...I am excited!!!! Will know tomorrow, I think.

I texted my ex? and told him the news...said I wanted to share it with him first...he immediately texted back asking for details..I texted ...are you busy? tired? Can I just call instead of texting...HE CALLED ME!!!! What an evening. He asked about it and we talked for a few before I said, it is late, you must be tired, I will let you go...he said, yeah, I am...talk to you tomorrow or something..I said am working, so whenever you get a chance to touch base..I need to get to bed, have a good day tomorrow!


I think that is a little progress...recap...we had dinner, I messed up with some r talk and by getting overemotional...I apologized in writing and then called and he answered (big progress for him he usually does not answer phone when fighting) and I apologized verbally...

Then got good news so texted to share...and He Called Me...after I suggested calling him to discuss...and I LET HIM KNOW I wanted him to know first..to make him feel important, but I got off the phone fairly quickly and did not make a big deal about talking on phone again right away...

Maybe, just maybe there is some hope...???????

SNL,

First off, I would suggest you change your name. If you call yourself something depressing like that, you will become something depressing.

You are fighting for your marriage, so that makes you the strong one.

Now, what you need to do is to stop saying that you are doing this for him, and that you can't tell him what to do, etc. That's just you saying it back to yourself. He knows he can do whatever he wants to. And ESPECIALLY, STOP telling him that you aren't going to see anyone. You're only saying that hoping that he will see your sense of morals, etc. but right now he's at the stage where he could care less.

Start doing what you want to do in the way you want to do things, irregardless of whether or not you are afraid of offending him or getting him mad. That's what it comes down to.

STOP BEING AFRAID!

You want to go out and enjoy life, go ahead. Detach your feelings from his mood swings. That's the first key to DB.

He's on the emotional rollercoaster right now. But you have the choice to get off of it and let him ride it on his own. He will try to pull you back on by pushing your buttons. It's obvious he's already at that stage.

Think of it like a little boy who can't get what he wants. He's going to do whatever it takes to see that he still has your attention, yet all the while, he's going to be out looking for something better (in his eyes) to come along.

Start acting and being strong now if you want him to start turning the corner. You have to start doing something different.

Be smart. Be brave. Be you.