Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives For Newcomers Archives Wife of 6-years Wants a Divorce - pt 2

Alamo, sorry I didn't see this earlier. was on and off here today but didn't have chance to read to many sitch's.

So, IMHO...if you go and remove her name from the bank account you are telling her that you are starting to agree with D. If it really bothers you that she has her own account, go get your own account. leave joint one alone right now.

And again, IMHO...being paid from your wife for housework just seems all wrong. She is trying to show you that you are not man enough for her..(SORRY) I think if I had to tell my H that I would pay him for doing housework i would secretly be rolling my eyes behind his back. And again, taking money for things like this would show her one more reason for a D.

Gosh...I read this and think how horrible women can be....but I do think in all reality we want a strong protector for a H. Someone that is not needy and can stand on their own two feet.

I know finding a job can be so tough at times. But I think you gotta find something other than working for your wife.

Anyways, this is JMO. I don't mean to sound mean or hurt your feelings. I am sorry if I did.

Hope your night goes well.

And I don't mean all women...just some of us can have a
nasty side!!!

You are absolutely right, NavyGuy. Thanks for the reminder and morale boost.

Sometimes I just don't know what is going on in my wife's mind. If you read my 1/22 update, where I said that my wife invited me to picnic with her and our son. Well, guess what, she asked me again the next day to go walking with them. It's not like it's an opening, but I do see it as a softening of her heart. Don't worry, I'm still threading lightly, but ya know what -- Praise God!

Wanda, you didn't hurt my feelings. Heck, we here are all experiencing the worst time of our lives -- I don't see anything worse happening to my feelings right now than that!

I agree with you 100% about the job issue. I think she knows I'm trying hard, but the fact that there are no bites from employers is making any sort of discourse between us difficult. I have an interview tomorrow pm which she knows about. She also knows that I've been sick all day with allergies. I'm not sure if it's just her naturally caring personality (she tries to help any sick person, which is why she's becoming a doctor), or she cares about my job search, or both (or none of it), but she asked me my symptoms and what I was doing to take care of it. I told her and she suggested something else, and actually came to my room to give me some meds.

Times like these are when I miss my wife so much.

Just thought I would stop in to see how you are doing???

Sending you HUGS!

I'm doing good, Wanda... Thanks for asking and checking in. How are you doing with setting boundaries with your husband?

Today is my wife's turn to be really sick - vomiting and chills. So I'm trying hard to balance not being all caring, mushy and all, versus just being there when she wants asks me to.

I have another question or two, which I hope I can get some response on:

1. Could this new dynamic between my wife and I mean we're in the so-called friendship stage? E.g. Inviting me out for outings with her and my son, being more conversational (nothing serious, just talk), etc.

2. Since my wife wants to separate payments for everything, should I take charge and show her what needs to come out of her pocket vs. mine? Or should I wait for her to offer/ask to pay?

BTW, what I meant by separate spending is expenditure.

Now I'm getting rather worried about whether to go with my wife's plan to split bills. Not about the idea, but if I should be the one approaching her for money, since I am currently in charge of all monthly expenses.

UPDATE: 6pm

Since last night and all of today, when my wife talks to me, I leave the conversation depressed, sad and mad. And I hope one of reading might have some wisdom for this struggling soul.

It started last night with my wife bringing up the bills again. She wants me to let her know how much she needs to transfer to my account to pay for her half of the bills. The odd thing is she expects this, but doesn't bother to pay her own credit cards, etc; she still wants me to do it, just like I've always done.

Then this morning while I was out, she called me before she left for the hospital and said her car wouldn't start. I said, give me a few minutes to get home. It didn't look like an immediate fix, so I said she could use my car. During this whole time, I sensed that either she was upset at the situation and blaming me for it, or upset that she had to drive my car. I was there to help her, for crying out loud!

This evening I was having a wonderful time with my son, when she finally came home from the hospital. We chatted a bit about our son, then I asked her for my car keys, so I can back the car into the garage (that's my ritual). She snidely said that I parked it the way you've been parking it. She said she's noticed me park it front first lately. The fact is: the only times she saw me park that way was when I came home a couple times earlier in the day, and was going to leave soon afterwards; I ALWAYS back in the car at night. There's more...

So then she went up to her (our) room with my son in tow to change. As I was making my way to my room, she hollers, asking if she had gotten anything in the mail today. I said no. She thought that was odd because she was expecting something in the mail. I tried reassuring her that the only mail today was mine and some junk mail. She then remarked (in front of our son, mind you), "How do I know if you're not hiding my mail?"

I have to admit, this is where I backslid - I perpetuated the fight and said, "No I don't. If you want, I don't have to check the mail. You can." Then she said, "By the way, why are throwing empty boxes away?" Since we have a 2-yo, we have lots of boxes from diaper and wipes. Anyway, I said I only threw one. My wife said she's been noticing that I've been throwing boxes away in the trash. She couldn't have been more wrong, because I've used our recents boxes for our son's old toys, Christmas ornaments, etc. What made we sad was when she then said, "I need those boxes for moving out, you know right?" She was just so rude today, which is why I've been sad and mad at the same time.

I need some advice on the bills issue and just what my wife is thinking right now? One minute we're having a great weekend together, then all this. I have to admit that I have been particularly weak in my DR resolve this week.