Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives For Newcomers Archives Chapter 3 the end? Or new beginning?

Hahaha!!! No kidding! I prefer texts and e-mails too. Only I send him and e-mail about something and then he shows up in my office or in my room.

2Step, I still insist that there is progress here. She's opening up and that's a lot more than can be said about many of the spouses here. And seriously, all of us wish that we had someone on our shoulder to guide our communications. But we all do the best we can do with the tools we have been given. However, at the end of the day, we still need to be who we are.

Hang in there!!!! I'm praying for you!

BITS

LIS

2 - She sounds like she's trying to convey what my H said to me...we have to learn to live our lives w/o each other.

Has she ever lived on her own? I know I should know this since I've been following your posts. But it IS 3 threads later!

It's part of the process I guess that they have to prove their independence. I don't understand, but I'm trying to have empathy for their confused state of thought.

Sandi has some GREAT advice. I would love for her to take a look at my thread and give her evaluation. She is one of the many board vets who replies I have latched onto.

GYPSY,

We met when she was 19 and I was 23 she lived with her mom but moved out on her own for a few months before her I moved in together. We have been together ever since. I think she is trying to prove something to herself but at what expense?

Lost I hope you are right about the progress. Thing we have been having some real deep conversations since November and nothing has changed. My strategy was a little different but she is still there and I am still here. I just don't know.......I am hoping she will not back out of the DB call on thursday

hat's intersting. When I met my H he was 21 and I was 27. His parents were in the process of a D after 25 years and my H had no where to go, so he moved into my house. Well, it was my Grandmother's at the time. So he's never lived on his own but now has moved 3 times in a year. I don't know what they are trying to prove. I can only equate it to what my H said.."If you love something set it free, if it comes back to its yours, if it doesn't it never was your to begin with." It's so cliche and true at the same time.

So does that mean if the D goes thru our WAS's were never ours? I mean you can't get any freer than getting a D.

UGH....everything is a a jumbled, confused messQ!

This is one of the major points my wife has made. Her parents were really overbearing all the way until she went to college and we got married the November after she finished college. Her mom had done about the same and wanted my wife to live on her own before She got married. I think that that is a big part of the reason why her mom has jumped in so eagerly. But the problem for her will be that she isn't 23. She can't go back to being that person and I didn't take that from her. She made the decission to marry me and I think she is resenting me for that right now.

2Step

I hope that she doesn't miss Thursday either. But here's the thing, do NOT stake your hope on it. Meaning, if she doesn't show up, it doesn't mean all is lost. We keep setting these "milestones" for ourselves and it's a dangerous game. Our milestones are not theirs. I was convinced that he'd be gone this weekend so I could finally call this thing dead and over. Guess what? He's not gone. It still might be dead and over, it might not, but my milestone wasn't his.

I think that you are getting more and more competent with these talks. You are clearly learning and doing your best with the situation. You NEED to be proud of these things. It is so easy for us to focus on everything that we've done wrong, but we cannot do that. We are taking an awful beating from our spouses and ourselves as we learn about how to be better people. But when we do make progress, when we do things right, we need to take a moment to be proud. If we don't, we'll self destruct.

I'm praying for you 2Step...

My single biggest heartbreak is my D. She misses her "mother" and everytime I see her yearning for her I fill with sadness and anger! If I didn't have my D this would be a lot easier but she is my weakness. Tonight she told me to "I know your sad daddy but we will be ok. Can you read me a bedtime story like W use to do" I told her sure honey then I had to go to the bathroom to cry my a$$ off.

I don't even know the pain that is. I don't have the first clue but my heart really goes out to you.

Can we turn this around a little bit, though? You have someone who loves you unconditionally. Who thinks you're pretty awesome. Who obviously wants to take care of you. Look up to heaven tonight and get on your knees and thank God for that.

I know your heart is breaking. I know D's heart is breaking. I don't take anything away from that. So I don't want to diminish how you are feeling.

2-at least your W is willing to talk to the DB Coach with you. I had missed this part somewhere in the thread chain. I'm really stoked for you and I hope it helps her find her way. I am also envious of you too - my H would NEVER consider any type of C'g.