SBH - Congrats to you and I am so happy to hear that your sitch has worked out. I wish all of us here can be as lucky.
We all need to stay focused. You are proof that things can turn around even in the most dire circumstances. I like what you sad that "Bad Choices have consequences." I'm going to remember that.
BITS
M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0 T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd) WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10 Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
Always good to see someone making it! I guess maybe you should change your name to just happy. I see you are going around catching up with different people, if you have time I would some insight from someone who has actually made it. Bolt has weighed in but since I am feeling like a truck ran over me today another successful person’s opinion would be welcomed.
I will get caught up on your thread and jump in. I have read it but need to get more familiar.
I am still guarded about my success. I think I will need a year or more before I feel 100% confident but I see no bad things going on.
I am STILL insecure about things. Mostly because of OM and the lies and all the sneaking that goes along with it. We need to build trust again. But MC has us doing an excersize for the next time we meet. W and I need to make a list of unresolved issues buried deep within us. Bring them to the surface, discuss them, reassure one another, forgive, and move on. I am really looking forward to this... It will be a cleansing... And I can bring up all the things I have been unable to discuss because of no "R" talk...
M: 42 - W: 41 - M: 18 - T: 23 - D:16 S:14 EA - July 2010 NC w/EA - Nov 2010 Piecing - Jan 2011 I ask for div - Jan 2012 Div papers filed - Mar 2012 I move out - July 2012 Divorce final - Nov 7, 2012
I think your timeline is realistic. I imagine for everyone who starts the reconciliation process it is a little bit different depending on what happened during the period of seperation.
Either way you are light years ahead of me and that in itself is soothing to my soul. Don't know why but even as my sitch seems to be hopeless on certain days I really feel joy for those who are were you are.
Bolt, I'm here dude! Damn, we all need a poker night, some beer and a few laughs... Would be fun...
2step, I was lucky. My W was realistic. She never left the house and never left the bed. No doubt she couldn't stand the site of me for awhile. No doubt she found me weak and pathetic for a while. No doubt she lost complete respect for me for a while. And I was weak and pathetic and not deserving of respect...
Timeline: *W met OM 1st week of August.
*Told me of OM first week of October.
*EA ended soon after I found out.
*Last REAL communication by W with OM middle of October.
*Back to REALLY working on us early January.
*ML again end of January.
*W seems so very happy now but I'm slightly guarded.
If she ever goes back to OM, I have vowed, no matter how much it hurts, that I will be strong, confident, and ready to ask her to leave for good. Never again will I be the groveling, sad, pathetic, victom begging her to take me back... NEVER!!! And she will respect me from MOMENT ONE!!!
M: 42 - W: 41 - M: 18 - T: 23 - D:16 S:14 EA - July 2010 NC w/EA - Nov 2010 Piecing - Jan 2011 I ask for div - Jan 2012 Div papers filed - Mar 2012 I move out - July 2012 Divorce final - Nov 7, 2012
heck yeah man! I'm up for it. I'm as far west coast and south coast as you can get though
Let me ask you, do you still find yourself daily trying to speak her language? What things are you doing so you don't back slide?
One thing we are doing is weekly check-ins. We both talk about what the other has done during the week to make the other feel loved: compliments, touching, doing things for each other, respect, kind words. We also talk about times when we don't feel it. Disrespect, dishonor, blame, all the good stuff.
We then say what we'd like ourselves to work on. I'll say I want to do x or something. She then holds me to it the following week.
I look at it as us communicating much better. That way, there are no mis-communications that go on for more than 6 days.
It also takes pressure off of talking about the R every day. We really talk for one hour of one day. The other days, we simply enjoy being around each other.
Sounds easier than it is but its working so far.
m 40 w 38 married 15 together 18 d11, d8 bomb 12/19/10 2nd bomb 3/30/11 COMPLETELY DONE