Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers DB'ing but it's a daily struggle - need support 2

denver and canada
can you explain to me "believe zero of what they say"
i don't understand this concept
hope you are both ok

grr - I think that it simply means that the WAS in somewhat crazy and will say anything and everything that validates what they are doing.

"I'm not in love with you"
"we should never have gotten M'd"
"I can't make you happy"
"We're opposites"

etc., etc., etc.,

Then there is also the lines that come along when OP is involved...

"we're just friends"
"I'm not attracted to him/her"
"He/she is like a brother/sister to me"

etc., etc., etc.,

Then there's the lines that they say when they say in an attempt to convince you that they are ok and the M is just over...

"I want a D"
"I want a LS"
"You need to move on"
"I don't miss you"
"Nothing lasts forever" - which generally comes with the nonchalant sigh

etc. etc., etc.,

Point is, WAS is NOT going to tell us how they are actually feeling. Why would they? They don't want to be with us. They have shut us out.

Hope that helps.

BITS
Denver

aha!
thank you!
it does help

In a state of anger people say and do things that they regret. I believe the WAS says things not only because they mean it at the time but also to justify their actions. My W told me "I was just 19 when we started dating. I jump in with both feet. I need to find myself"

She is now 29. The anger will last only so long and when it subsides they will see the reality. Some will have convince themselves they did the right thing but I really feel for the ones that feel like they made a mistake

My W has said the exact same things. When we started dating I was only 17, and I didn't really know what I wanted. I feel like neither of us experienced life, we just defaulted to each other because that's all we knew. I've changed, and I don't believe I ever really had a choice.

BAH - come on...I don't believe any of that except that she "believes it right now" because it justifies her feelings and desire to leave the M for "something else"...

W has now been away and not seen me since Sunday evening before she left for work. She'll be home tonight, but I'm not sure what time that will be...in a way I hope it's after I've gone to bed. She didn't say 2 words to me when she left, although she has called to "check in" a couple times (once to say good night to D6).

I'm somewhat anticipating seeing her, but I'm worried I'll be let down if she shows zero interest in me after not seeing me in 3 days...

Just trying to tidy up the house so the W feels good about coming back home. 23 days left until she goes away for a week.

Just need to remove the anticipation to see her, need to have NO expectations, but it's difficult because I really HOPE she missed me.

So far I am getting support from my brothers, and from her brother and sister. I have a good R with both my W's siblings as they've both lived with us for short periods of time. Will be interesting to see how those R's change if our M ends.

hi canada
it's hard not to have expectations, but so much better when you don't

if you do happen to see her, look hot, stay cheerful and be sure to be the one to leave the conversation first
tell her you have a big day tomorrow and need to sleep
do it politely and without an ounce of malice
best of luck

Expectations are a real b*tch SIC... I let myself have them and BOOM... I get hit upside the head with a dose of reality. It hurts every time.

BITS
Denver

Thank Grr and Denver, ya I hear both of you. I'm planning to shower up and shave(been shoveling for a total of about 4 hours today) do my hair, smell good, and act like I've had a fantastic time without her (I did have fun with D6, but I'd still be lying if I said I didn't miss my W). I'll sell it big time, and nicely ask how things went for her, D2 and D5.

I've also finished tiddying the house, cleaned the bathrooms, and arranging the living room and kitchen. Things look good, she shouldn't feel overwelmmed when she gets home. I think I'll even make the girls lunches now.

I'm sure she'll be excited to talk about the fun they had without me. (keep the acting like it's actually better when I'm not around). I'll do my best to listen and take it in without showing any resentment. Bottom line is we never did this in the past - we would have ALL gone as a family.

I hope they had fun...but I REALLY hope she missed me - even just a little bit!

Oh just finished cleaning the fridge...we have a running joke where I'm the only one who cleans it. It was due, and I'm sure she'll notice it. Just one reminder of the good things I still do.

Anyways, going out to play in the snow with D6 for a bit, and then get ready for W's arrival!

best of luck
xo