Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers DB'ing but it's a daily struggle - need support 2

SIC,
That is great. When my W said she can't continue living like we were living, as roommates, and not even nice ones, she brought up splitting up the house. Your W went the other direction and starting talking about the overall impact of a possible split. Punchy is exactly right in that she is thinking more globally then just about herself. I would say that things are looking up for you from that regards. Make sure that she continues to initiate these types of talks. You WILL succeed.

It sure looks like there are some real positive things happening amongst some of the B.I.T.S....can I be next to join that?!?!?!?!?!?

B.I.T.S.

SIC - It is working. This sounds like a great conversation AND, SHE initiated! Now, don't backslide. Keep being patient.

BITS
Denver

Scared,

My DB explained to me how reconciliation is a long process of baby steps not one significant turning point. Consider this your first baby step in a long process. Remember.....Seek first to understand and then to be understood.

Ya I hear you guys. I have no thoughts that things or on "cruise control" or anything close.

I just like that my W may finally be coming somewhat of the "fog". She would hate to her me say that.

Regardless I understand she will hold onto some of these "fantasy" thoughts, because I think anyone would dream about being happy with there R and M.

She's also struggling with feelings that she may never have loved me or she married me because when she cheated on me before our first wedding that she saw the grass wasn't greener on the other side (she used those words exactly).

Although at times it made me feel like she was saying that she "settled" for me which I really don't think is fair.

I have mixed emotions about the whole process, I mean I told my W very clearly that I am changing for me and that it's not specifically to do with her, other than she's the one who drove the truck that hit me that finally caused me to wake up.

I wonder to myself sometimes if it's really worth it, if I might be happier with someone else or even happier on my own. Most of that fear is driven by the position I'm in.

What if even if/when we reconcile, my W continues to have fantasy thoughts about "something better"? I don't want to find myself a similar position years down the road.

IDK, I think if you are able to seperate emotions I don't think you might the same choices...good or bad.

For now I love my W, and I am going to continue to work hard to be the man I know I can be, and hopefully that's good enough for everyone in my life including my W.

W is working tonight, so I'll likely limit discussions with her but will make an effort to be pleasant and happy around her.

Just a heads up that I'm going to be offline for a few days. Not going anywhere - just won't be online.

See everyone on Monday!

BITS
SIC

Take care man! Hope whatever it is your doing it helps you clear your mind and heart!

Going dark on us???

LOL - ya Punchy. I don't need to go dark on you guys, that's for sure.

No it was D5's party this weekend, and had Friday off work as well. Didn't do a lot but decieded to stay off the computer 100%, that's one of my 180's.

Weekend was ok, but W made comments about selling our house which got us into some R talk. Although I felt some positives last weekend, this past weekend she seems to be back to her plan full speed ahead. She finally told her sister, which I think was difficult for her - but based on the way she told me I don't think her sister had a negative reaction.

I'm going to book the MC this week, but I don't know if it's going to matter because I know my W just wants to use the oppurtunity to have someone else tell me it's over. I really hope we get a decent C, as I believe at this point that's all that will help.

The R discussion ended up talking about my M and her effect/impact on our M again. I honestly believe it's 50% of the reason I am in this mess. Man that [censored].

W is taking D2 and D5 away for a couple days with her mother, so it's just me and D6. I'm going to take her out for dinner and then bowling. Then I'll get her to bed and sit and watch a movie tonight. Low stress high fun evening, once I get through with my work day. Crazy cold today, -25 with the wind chill...and big storm headed our way tomorrow night.

This logic you have wether you don't know if you would even want your W back is normal. If you really grow for YOU and make changes for YOU does it really matter? In the end will YOU not be a better person and happier with yourself. At that point you can decide what you want to do. If you make the changes hoping she notices then are you really changing? This is something I struggle with because we all start to make changes hoping our W will notice and come back to us but then we really didn't change did we?

Think about what YOU need to do for yourself and if she notices great if she doesn't then you are a new and improved version of yourself. Nothing wrong with that. Remember believe 50% of what you hear.

Hey Step2, I agree completely. The thing is the more I work on me and improve and see this "slug" that I used to call my W that is paying me no attention - I start to wonder, "Why would I want that?" I start to focus on the negative things, the things I don't like about her that I'd be happy without.

Last night my W was leaving for work, knowing full well that she wasn't going to see me until at least Wednesday as she is taking the 2 younger D's away for 2 days. She made sure to say bye to the girls, and didn't even look at me. It just makes me wonder "why?" I want attention from her?

Right now she wants to lose me, she wants me to leave. She wants me to meet someone else, she's excited to have "her own" house that isn't "ours". I can't imagine the day (if it comes) when we sell the house and go our seperate ways. I think the kids will be devastated, and I wonder how my W will stomach it.