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i guess that does sound a bit like a game, but if she is unsure, or just starting to have different feelings, she will balk if pressured

I don't know why your posts are delayed or don't appear. You might think about writing in Word so that you could save it in your Documents. Then you could copy & paste, if needed.

Denver, I guarantee you that every word you say to FIL will get back to your W. There is the SIL, MIL, & FIL who are talking to each other and who want to see you and W get back together. I know how these things work. He will tell his W and she will tell the sister and sister will tell your W. Bank on it. So, be careful what you say. I would suggest that you only say what you would say to W's face. Don't give away your plans.

Your FIL means well, but he is applying pressure b/c he is concerned that your W will succumb to OM. I would not advise you to send a rose everyday and then a dozen or more on Valentine's. It's too soon and she has not said anything that implies that she is considering reconciling (unless I missed it). She has opened a window, maybe, to be friendly. Your biggest mistake right now would be to start romantic over-kill.

Your goal was for her to miss you, right? Well, she is missing you or she would not have these extremely long conversations. So, that is great!

As it's already been pointed out...this is a fragile state. This is the state that a LBH can mess up b/c he's ready to get the M back to normal again. But, she can't be rushed like that. She needs to pursue you a little longer. She is interested. That is a good sign. You are responding well. The fine line is to know how to respond without going too far or jumping to the next level before she's ready. That is what your FIL is trying to get you to do, and I think it would mess things up.

She has her eye on you and OM is not so interesting to her now. But, she needs to get him out of her system once and for all and know that you are the only one for her. You cannot afford to let her get you back so easily. So, be friendly, listen and validate, but don't pursue. Wait just a little longer. Wait and see if she hints at the two of you going out to eat, or going to see SS doing something. (She may use him as her ticket). That will be your cue. Remember, do not over-kill. This is the biggest thing for WAW's. She needs to do some work to get you back. And, your part of the work is to continue DBing and go slowly.

By the week before Valentine's Day rolls around (I think it falls on a Sunday this year), you should see more signs from her.....one way or the other. Do not send a huge bouquet of flowers. Instead, the Tuesday before Valentine's, have the florist deliver one long stem rose with a written invitation to have dinner with you Valentine's night. If she has other plans or turns you down.....well then you'll know she is not ready.

It is just two weeks away. Be friendly when she contacts you. If she accepts a dinner date Valentine's, then she is ready for you to slowly romance her. I said, sloooooowly.

I know a lot of men don't understand the one single rose concept. I started to put this in the last post, but my suggestion would be to go to the florist and write the invitation yourself and place in a sealed envelope. Ask them to deliver the long stem rose, wrapped in paper inside a box. This is more romantic than having one rose in a vase delivered.

There is something that is whispers intimacy when a rose is placed in a long white box. As she takes off the lid, her curiosity will be heightened and she will grab the little sealed card before she looks at the rose.

BTW, keep the invitation short and sweet. Save the five hour conversation for dinner.

very good sandi
i agree wholeheartedly

Thanks Sandi, Bond, and grr. All of that advice helps a lot. I am going to proceed with a lot of caution for the time being. I need to continue to be patient.

I will see how things go over the next week before I decide on what to do with vday. That's going to be a tough call. I don't want to let the day, and potentially an opportunity, pass without doing anything. But I also don't want to ruin the progress that I've made up to this point.

Wow, Denver. That's AMAZING ...... AMAZING!!!

However ..... I would not be in a hurry to give her control over anything. I think just be cautious ... the fact that she's worried you may not love her anymore is good I think. Maybe let her sit in her worry some more. Remember how that worry made you want her back more?

Thanks 1step... Yes, I remember all to vividly.

BITS!
Denver

Denver,

Okay....I agree w/everyone...tread real slow here....wait it out a bit longer...but, I LOVE the rose idea and a invite to dinner. (could you call my H? LOL) But, I was so excited about what your SS said!!! (I did a little happy dance)

Anyways, I'm still worried for you around the OM. That's why I think you should still proceed w/caution...cause, ya gotta be sure that she is done w/him. But, I do feel that she is moving back towards your way...she is rethinking this Denver!

But, if that door opens ya gott haul a** thru it!!! So, by being patient and carefully listen you will know when its all clear. Just don't let your emotions push ya/what FIL is saying drive ya.

I'm in your corner Denver & Praying for yall!!! Keep up the great work!

I love Sandi's idea!

I don't want to burst your bubble (you know I'm praying for you and want to see you save your M)... but be careful of what an 11-yr-old says. Especially if he loves you and wants you and mommy back together. He could definitely be telling the truth, but please be careful and make any plans, goals, changes on what you see from her only (that includes being careful with what the in-laws say). You're doing so wonderfully, don't push her too hard right now based on what other people say. Make sense?

I agree with everyone else... tread slow. Instead of a red rose, if you're not sure... how about a pink rose? It's not as boldly romantic but still opens the door without pressure. If you do this and she agrees to dinner, treat it like a first date. No pressure, no slipping into old patterns, no expecting even a kiss at the end... but romantic and putting your best foot forward.

I know I'm saying be careful.... but I'm really excited for you!!!! I think you're doing a great job and I think you're doing everything right!!!! Keep it up, Denver!!!!

damn i like your attitude denver. "What I do know is that OM is in for a big disappointment. He's not going to destroy my M or my family. I will prevail." PERFECT way to put it. i have a similar situation. my thread is "young couple with WAW". i hope you get a chance to read it. i would appreciate any feedback.