Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives For Newcomers Archives Oh boy, what do I do?

Auto club membership is due next month. Do I take H off it as an associate member? He is no longer living in our "household". Do I tell him I'm removing him? Do I leave it alone and pay the extra fee?

Not familiar with your sitch. What is your goal with H right now? Still trying to save M? What is H's attitude?

I ask these questions bc my DB coach gave me good advice that is suppose to apply to everything that I say or do concerning my W right now. That advice is to ask myself "will this action or statement 1) draw my W closer to me; 2) push her away; or 3) be neutral". Of course we don't want to do things that push our S's away if our goal is to draw them closer. I'd say apply this to your decision re the auto club.

I want to save my marriage. I can't toss 26 years and everything we built/created together away.

He dropped the bomb last week, told me he: decided some time ago he wants a divorce. He is moving on with his life, and wants me to do the same. He has made up his mind, our marriage is over. Hopes one day we can find freindship, and thinks I will find a man that loves me the way I deserve. He wishes me well, and then discusses his parenting of our kids as their father.

I think the courteous detached thing is to ask what he wants to do. I've made so many assumptions in the past, perhaps it's best to ask.

I just don't know anymore. How many times can your heart be ripped from your body?

I feel for you BIG time. Sounds like the same things my hsnad said to me. He said we have to learn to live our lives w/o each other and move on with our lives. Really? I take being together for 20 yrs a little more seriously than that. I dunno...call me crazy.

Read much of your other thread. My advice on the auto club stands. Just don't do anything that will push him away even farther than he is now.

Have you consider MLC for your H? This is not something that I have read much about on this site, but there is another forum dedicated to it. The way that you describe H makes me think that it is something you should consider.

I have considered a MLC for him, but I thought we were past it. He started bodybuilding about ten years ago, and that's when he started to distance himself from me too. Longest midlife crisis ever then with the culmination being his leaving.
I certainly hope that isn't the case, because if it is, I don't know that I can stick it out.

Ok, that's weird.
H, came to pick up the kids, and I said: " AMA membership fees are coming due in February, do you want your car under that policy?"
He said: "Yes, sure."
He wants a divorce, but he wants to be an associate member under my AMA policy? WTH?

"I want to save my marriage. I can't toss 26 years and everything we built/created together away."

Is that sarcastic enough?

I'm sorry I must be tired.
What are you getting at?

What does paying for him to still be a member really cost you?

And in the end do you think it is worth that?

I know I am late.. but just pay the bill.

If it will bring hardship upon your life.. don't pay the bill and tell him that you can't.

If he wants the D.. let him "get" it.

Don't make it easy for him to say "she made me".