Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Lost, hurt and scared ...

Moving over to MLC as I think this may be where I belong. Story goes like this. H & I have been separated since December 2009 and he moved into his own house in May 2010. I got so many reasons why, we didn't have anything in common, he had everything he thought he ever wanted but still was not happy and so on.

I had been trying LRT for a while and decided that maybe it wasn't the best route for me to be going so I have been kind of floundering over the past few weeks, trying to keep PMA and trying to be friendly and upbeat.

Well, yesterday I got a real blow. I believe H is now seeing a women who is about 15 years younger than him. I found out through my kids. They had just returned from a hockey tournament out of town and apparently this OW came to the airport to pick them and H up. Daughter was extremely upset that H gave this women a hug. I talked with D and tried to explain to her that if she has a problem with H or myself, that she needs to talk to us and not to be afraid to ask questions and say when something is bothering her. She decided to ask her Dad if he was dating this women. Well, he indicated he wasn't but that he did like her as a friend and she was going to be hanging around more. Why can't they see what this does to the kids. Are they really that selfish that the only thing that matters is their own happiness.

I just don't know what to do right now.

My H's excuse was that he thought the kids should see that he was happy. They are selfish. My kids are beginning to see that now. Its sad, but really there is nothing you can do except be there for your kids.

They are such idiots at this stage. The only thing your H cares about right now is himself. Others are irrelevant. I remember when my ex started introducing his secretary to my kids as his girlfriend when we were still married. It is important to them to validate and normalize what they are doing.

I am sorry to hear this. I know that my H is being so selfish. H is not even planning on seeing D16 this week or over the weekend. Since he moved out in November, the times they spend together have been dwindling and I know this hurt D16. He will text her and ask how are things and she ignores him! He doesn't even try to call and have actual communication with her. It is so infuriating as a parent to see this happen. They were so close, the typical father-daughter relationship, "Dad knows everything", kind of relationship. It is just sad. You know, I just want to say fine, leave me, but not your daughter.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

I got the "How can I show the kids how to be happy if I'm not". Interestingly, the lesson he thought he was giving them isn't the lesson they learned.

I don't know that you have to do anything. What do you want to do (no, ripping his head off is not an option )?

Your right, maybe I don't do anything. I'm sure he knows that the kids would have talked to me about it so I suppose I just act as if. That would also be a 180 for me. Now, if he brings it up, that's when things may get a little tricky. I'm just not sure how to respond.

Yep

What to do? Focus on you. Your kids. YOUR future. Be there for your kids to support them. They need to know you are someone they can look to for strength - and you can do this!

Well, I don't know how you should respond. I can tell you that going ballistic won't help you or your kids.

Since you have been served and your D will be final next month, this shouldn't be a surprise. That does not mean however that it doesn't totally bite. It hurts and sux, no two ways about it.

Your kids are still pretty young. Do you have a visitation order? I'm don't know of any way to prevent him from bringing friends et al around your kids. I like that you told your D that she could always talk to either of you about what she is feeling.

My D's are older (18 and 15) and tend not to talk about much of substance with H. They live with me 24/7 and while I'm not naive enough to think they share everything with me, we do talk about alot. I really encourage them to talk to each other too. My H has been both kind enough and wise enough to keep almost all of that away from me and D's. I've been lucky in alot of respects.

The best you can do is take care of you and your kids.

HUGS

I haven't actually taken my D papers in for final filing so I guess it won't be final till I do. I did have him served d papers a while back and there was no response so basically I just had to wait till December to proceed but can't bring myself to do it.

We do have a separation agreement in place and we split our time with the kids 50/50. He is still very committed to the kids and although at times I don't always agree with him, he is a good dad. Certainly not going to go ballistic by any means. I spoke with both kids about it openly and did not really show any emotion about it at all (took everything I had in me at the time). Anyway, I think my calmness is what made it easier for daughter to ask H if he was dating this woman which I'm happy for.

My kids have met the New OW....they told me she was nice and all...but what they did say was "mom, we should be happy for daddy, cuz at least he found another woman that would want him" I had to smile at that

It is very hard not to show emotion about the OW to the kids...I try everyday. But it does make it easier for the kids to talk about her with you.