Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Here we go AGAIN....

Wanda,

I'm not going to be the one to smack you with the 2x4. Seems I have had a little trouble today keeping my own mouth shut so I am not one to talk. But seriously, can you focus on something he said? He wants to talk to you face to face. That's a big deal. That means something. Most of our S's are running in the opposite direction, but he's asking to see you. Doesn't that make you feel good?

LIS

Actually I don't think that was much of a backslide. Previously he had been going around trying to get a rise out of you. Now he sounds much more humbled.

Is there any reason why you haven't talked to him face to face? Aside from his childish behavior I mean.

I don't think it was a big backslide either. It was an honest answer. And it was all in past tense.

I concur with Lost, Bond, and Hope... I think that you are doing fine and have some positives here.

BITS
Denver

I have not talked to H face to face simply because I am not ready. he is very controlling and knows exactly what buttons to push. He will only say things to me that will get him what he wants. I will fall for it and then kick myself later. I will do this on my time now. I have been trying to make him happy for 15 years. It is time that I start doing what I need to do.

H is still the same alien he was 2 weeks ago. Today he tried making me feel guilty because it is not a nice feeling to be homeless. OH PLEASE....it was his choice. I did not fall for his drama.

This is the only way I have the strength to not whine, cry, beg, or plead. I am keeping contact to the very bare minimum so I get better at DBing. Fake it til you make....

MrBond, H's act of somewhat being humbled has fooled me before. I want so bad to believe his words but I usually end up crying and alone. I am trying to safeguard my heart. He will say things I really want to hear just so he can get what he wants and then he will be gone again.

I am strongest when communication is only through texting. Eventually it will change, just not today. Thanks so much everyone for not making me feel too bad for my slide today...

Weird text from H...he had kids after school today and got S11 haircut. Just got text asking what I think of his haircut?

And of course "love the way you lie" is playing right now. Gives me mixed feelings.

Think I need some primal scream therapy right now!!!!

i don't think you backslid....you seem very strong to me and you are communicating in the way you see best right now
self preservation
i understand about the kids, tho
nothing breaks a mother's hear more than to see her child hurting
i hope you have already gone to a sound proof room somewhere to let it all out..and best of luck on your interview
if they can see the strong, capable woman that we see here, you are a shoe-in
xo

Ok, that makes sense. If you are not comfortable talking to him face to face, then definitely don't. Only you know what's right for you.

Let me ask you question. What signs are you looking for that would show you that he's truly changed and genuine?

What is going to make you happy right now??? Are you still committed to making your marriage work? Are you taking time for yourself to consider that answer. Where are you mentally?

Did you find your shovel???

Take care of yourself!

You'll find out that they'll go back and forth in their moods. Good job in standing your ground. You have to wait till it gets to the tipping point where you know he's sincere and it's consistent and ongoing.

Okay so I have had a major melt down tonight. The whole thing started when I was at the kids school parent day. I had my time slot for the kids and H had his. He showed up early for it...like 30 mins. I had to see him as I was walking home. Of course he took the route i would take to walk home. There is a different route that was shorter but this way took him past our house and directly to me....pissed me off but I just kept walking....
But later the texts started. I am going to write them here because I do not understand were he was going with it and it sent me into the bathroom crying for 15 minutes tonight. And I have not cried about this for two weeks. So thanks for reading this and here goes the weird night.

H: you have to keep more in the loops i don’t look like a dead beat dad please

Me: what r u talking about

H: money and bills and getting to places

Me: still no idea what u r talking about

H: ok never mind just wanting to help

Me: seriously i do not know what you are talking about....please explain yourself

H: i don’t know how else to say it i just want to help out the best i can

Me: what loop do you think I am out of? Something was said for you to say this stuff

H: no don’t read into it i wishyou could just talk to my face this is to weird

Me: it is. I am doing what is best for me and my kids

H: whatever that is like you want to do it all on your own

Me: nope. Don’t put words in my mouth.i am just doing what i have todo to be who i am....i forgot who that was lately

H: thats fine we all need to find ourself

End of convo. The whole thing was weird. It really sent me for a loop. I did not like seeing him today. I do not like these weird texts. I do not want to feel like this. I re-read this convo and it looks like a bunch of backsliding to me. Now I have to start all over again. The worst part is I don’t even know if I really want this M.
Don’t get me wrong...I love my husband with all my heart. I do not know if he loves himself enough to be able to love me. He is very selfish and is on the path of destruction. I am not sure if I can do this anymore.