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2stepboogie, you are reactive still. That's usually the killer in DB and how most of make mistakes (believe me, I know. Been there, done that!). Maybe make a 30 minute rule before you respond or call so you can think about first? 30 minutes waiting won't hurt her and it may help your sitch. It will at least let you post here first.

What is BITS? A brotherhood of DB men here?

A support group that FOBD (Fell On Black Days) started, it stands for Brother In The [censored].

I like it, because it seems there are a lot of guys in the [censored] right now. I'm not sure if this is typical, because guys are generally laid back and thus prone to being oblivious or if woman are just generally this flaky?

Maybe a bit of both.

BITS
SIC

Hope and Sandi your insight is most welcomed. I love to hear a woman's point of view.

Spoke to my mom today for a few hours and again last night. This was the first time I have really spoken to her in 3 months. I have been holding in all my anger and resentment towards her because I felt she played a big part in our separation. We spoke frankly and with no punches being held back, but it was nice to let a lot of things off my chest.

At the end we both feel a little better. She had her point of view and I tried to explain my W and mine.

She said she saw a lot that she did not like and I should stop walking around with so much guilt. "We all make mistakes but I don't understand the rush in getting a D. If I was the problem and now I am gone why be so stubborn and not even give yourself the chance to save your marriage. When you love a man you fight to keep him and when you feel like you can't fight anymore you take a break but you never give up hope. I have an enormous amount of guilt because of what has happened and I loved W as a daughter. She was always very good to me. All I wanted was a little bit of honesty when I asked if I was the problem. I would have left right away. I hate D and if things could be saved they should be. But a woman that acts this quickly and so impulsively lacks the love for a man. You are hurt and you feel betrayed but yet here you stand willing to work things out. Why? Because you love her!"

I tend to agree somewhat with what she says. She went on to say this "I am seeing a shrink because I am depressed and feel responsible. But I have to admit I want to go to OK and meet with W to have a face to face with her. Not to convince her to change her mind but to let her know my feelings and to maybe pass on a little bit of wisdom I have learned in my 70yrs of life. Because nothing is sadder than two people who love each other going there separate ways because of stubbornness and pride. When changes are made and there is still love all is possible"

At this point trust me when I say that I have pretty much admitted to myself that the end is near. This is something my mom feels like she wants to do for her own sanity. So here is my question to you guys. Is this a good idea? Should she?

By the way listnen to

"you raise me up" by Josh Groban

I mean really listnen to it. Soothes the soul

Probably not, because your W will likely assume that you have somehow sent your mother. This will be especially true if your M tells her some of the same things she told you.

It'll likely be like your M pursuing on your behalf...but what do I know, I'm waist deep in the [censored] as well.

Hopefully Sandi or Truegritter will have some strong words.

BITS
SIC

That's what I am scared off. To tell you the truth I had no idea she wanted to go. I guess she feels she needs her closure also and to get some stuff off her chest. I'm really torn over this but I am on the ledge of the cliff at this point.

I have been feeling pretty good last few days though.

2Step - The end is near only if you decide it is!! There are 2 types of D. 1) Legal D and 2) Emotional D. They are NOT one and the same. So IF your W goes through with legal D, do you have to give up? That is up to you.

The answer to your question is a resounding NO. Keep your family out of this. I don't see how a convo bw your W and M will be a step in the right direction for YOU. MHO.

BITS
Denver

HOPE - It's a brotherhood, but not limited to men. Shoot! I already consider you a member. Thought you had 'rushed'! The group has grown to so many that I can't remember everyone, but it is myself, FOBD, 2step, MJ, SIC, Dixie (woman) and a few others!

You're in!!

BITS!
Denver

No, no, no, no, no 2stepboogie. Not unless you want your mom to drive a last nail into the coffin and take away any chance you have. There is NOTHING attractive about a man who sends his mommy in to convince a woman not to leave him. NOTHING. Whether you send her or not, that his how it will be perceived. She'll think your mom will always be in your business... isn't that part of her reasoning to run to begin with? No, no, no, no. Don't do it!

You right Hope! I am not. When my mom mentioned it my first response was HELL NO! But then I was like who cares! Anyways I just needed someone to say out loud.

Won't happen!