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Wow, that's some hardcore counseling. I would say that I agree with what s/he is saying as how you should approach it. The way you deliver it can be the difference between night and day. Your C's no nonsense hard line approach the way you stated it can come across as demanding and confrontational. I think with they way you have been so successful DBing here in your last 2 encounters, you would be able to address your wife in a softer approach, yet with the boundaries necessary.

I think the analysis and concern of what your W may do come Monday morning is wasted energy on your part to worry about it. I pray for you that it doesn't happen that way. Unfortunately, what will happen, will happen. You worrying about what may or may not happen will tear you up.

The one thing you need to hang onto is the fact that she is in a fog and there may be no madness to her method of why she is doing things in which particular way. She could simply be doing the kitchen one day while she can arrange things herself at her new place and the big stuff moving on Sunday may simply be because that is when she can get the help to do so. Moving into a new place takes a lot of work and she may simply be doing over the course of 2 days due to logistics.

Either way, pal, we will all be thinking about you tomorrow and Sunday and sending you good thoughts and strength to make it through. Continue to fight the good fight my man, you can do it.

B.I.T.S.

My grandmother use to say that most people created problems for themselves because they ignored their gut. You gut is usally right but most of us quickly put thought into our gut and usually mess up.

FOBD I will send a special prayer for you tonight and tomorrow when I wake up in the morning.



Psalm 31:1-3 In thee, O Lord, do I put my trust; let me never be ashamed: deliver me in thy righteousness. Bow down thine ear to me; deliver me speedily: be thou my strong rock, for an house of defense to save me. For thou art my rock and my fortress; therefore for thy name’s sake lead me, and guide me.

2step, Lost, Wanda, Bond, Mod and MJ,
Thanks a ton. It is a real shame to think the the largest use of the internet is for porn when a person can get this kind of help for free on the same medium. You guys are the best.

I went to dinner tonight with a male friend of mine who is a lawyer. He can't represent me because he has been friends with my W and I for over 15 years. But, he has told me that if he has to pick a side in this thing, he will remain with me. So, he has been great to have around for free legal advice and counseling.

Anyway, he and I discussed this whole thing tonight. He does have one advantage over my MC in that he has known both of us for over a decade. For many years, we used to take vacations with groups of friends and this guy would go with us. My point is that he has been around my wife and I since the beginning. After I bounced all this off of him, he believes the MC may be taking too hard of a stance on this thing. He truly is a really good friend and I respect his opinion and judgement. Here was his thoughts:

"(name), I have know you guys since you first started dating. I have crashed on your sofa after many parties. I was there at your college graduation, her college graduation, your father's funeral, your wedding, on all those trips to Florida, and far too many numerous other occasions to mention. My point is that I have watched you and (name) together from the very start and the two of you have always been the couple everybody else wanted to be. I have watched you and (name) for years and hoped that some day I could be as good together with a woman of my own as the two of you are. Your W is not a b*tch. She is not vindictive. She is not manipulative. She is not underhanded or shady. I have watched the two of you love and fight. This whole thing is completely out of character for both of you. Where am I going with this? I think pulling a "hard line" with her tomorrow after you have worked so hard to get to where you are now might be a mistake. Not to mention, right now you guys are friends as it would appear. This is important for two reasons. One reason is sincere and loving and the other is pure business. Number one, any kind of show of aggression right now might sour the good relationship you have built. If she is setting you up, oh well. You will then go to your L and you can go after "with both barrels." But if she is sincere and may be starting to waiver, a day with you might be the thing she needs to make her come to her senses. Number two, from a business stand point and considering how much you are worth versus her, I would keep this thing friendly. She doesn't have an L right now and if I were in your shoes, I would do whatever I could to keep it that way. In the end, it is your decision. But, just think about what I have said."

My friend has some wisdom in his words too. So, here I am. I have an MC that wants me to play hardball. But, the truth is that he could not pick my wife out of police line up. And, I have a friend who is also wise and educated who has loved me and my W for years saying I should play it cool. Hmm... I guess in the end I will have to do what my heart and mind decide.

Unfortunately, I am too frazzled right now to make a clear decision. I don't know why, but I cried again today. Damned car radio!!!

So, I am just going to spend some time here tonight checking on my friends and thinking this over.

I want to send out a group thanks to all of you. My forum friends, my MC and my buddies. You have all been great. But, I think I am going to sleep on it and do whatever feels right in the morning.

I do appreciate all the prayers and support. Win or lose, this will be one of the toughest weekends of my entire life. I hope I am ready...

B.I.T.S.

FOBD

Bottom line your friend nows you both. My initial reaction was go with the MC but after reading your friends advice and how well he knows you both he might be correct. You W sounds a lot like mine and your situation sounds a lot like mine with the exception of the distance ofcourse but she sounds just like mine. She has been sweet throughout and not really gone after you. In a way that makes it worse on us I think.

FOBD

I haven't posted to you before but just came over your post.

The hardline?

I didn't read what your MC said.

What's the rush?

AND

What do you want to accomplish by your actions?

What if it doesn't work?

BTW love Tom Petty...

He is probably right about this.

Do you want to be with someone who just "needs" you?

Protect yourself financially, emotionally, legally and especially your cowboys.

This stuff is not about laying down on the track and getting run over.

So do it.

Now.

Your W is going to feel what she feels right now so take yourself out of that.

And what you want from her emotionally

Leave it alone.

Detach. You have had heard this I assume?

B.I.T.S
Well, every time I think life can get any more cruel, it proves me wrong. In a post from last night I detailed how a very close friend of mine spend most of last night with me emotionally holding me up. He said some wonderful things to me about myself and my W and my M. He went on and on about how I shouldn't give up because me and W are two wonderful people who deserve each other. This guy has been my rock, my friend and my legal counsel since my W so selfishly walked out on me four and 1/2 months ago. Every time I have been down or alone, this guy has always volunteered to drop whatever he was doing and take me out of my negative environment. Tonight, he and some other friends were going to take me out to see a local band that I really like. My friend will not be able to make it tonight...

He called me this morning to inform me that his brother and only sibling died in his sleep from a massive heart-attack at the age of 48. He will leave behind a beautiful wife, two lovely children and a beautiful home. His brother was a good guy who I had gotten to know over the years. I am devastated. My friend spent all night propping me up while his brother was hours away from taking his last breath.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS SH*T IS HAPPENING! This is my good friend. He gave up his night to help me and this is how God or fate pays him back. BY TAKING THE BROTHER HE LOVED SO DEARLY????? Right now my heart is so filled with rage and anger and disappointment, I can barely think. I am just sitting here typing with no purpose and crying uncontrollably. Damn it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! His brother was a good guy, a good father and a good husband. This IS WRONG! ALL WRONG!!

I now have to go shower and get ready for my W to get here at 1pm to start our "fun" day together. How can I have any faith in this world? How can I care what in the hell happens to anything any more??? The funeral is in Connecticut and I can't even be there for my friend. Please, dear God, please make this stop!! I am begging you. I can feel myself losing this battle and I am not sure I really care anymore....

FOBD

FOBD

Please HOLD ON sweet man...I know your in the fight of your life right now. I know none of this makes sense to you or me. But, you have to put your faith in GOD...its all you got my friend. We don't know why the good ones go home so early sometimes. But, they do and your friends brother was a good man who left behind a wonderful legacy of family/kids/friends. LOVE my friend, thats what he leaves behind. Isnt that how we all want to be remembered? Isnt that we are fighting for?

I know you feel some guilt about his brother being with you. But, dont do that to yourself...it sounds like the two men came from good stock as we say in the south. His brother wouldve have done the same for you too.

Your friend NEEDS you now. HOLD him up and show him the LOVE & SUPPORT he needs. Feel blessed that you know/knew these two good guys. GOD puts folks in our lives when we need them the most. That I know....here I am talking to you right? I would never have been here before...but here I am...

I know it feels like the world is beating you down. But, keep your eye on what matters most in this life. Outside your/my crap. Promise you will try...your buddy needs you. Sweet friend GOD didnt cause the heart attack...your friend couldnt have stopped it. He passed in his sleep....YOU couldnt have done anything either.

Its okay if you get mad at GOD sometimes...he can take it.

Just try and stay reserved when your W comes in a bit. You don't have time for her stuff today. Focus on your buddy and then get over there as soon as its okay and be with him. Be his ROCK. He needs you now...I know you want to go to the funeral. So, does your buddy...offer to take care of his house or something while he is gone. Stock there refrig. with some goodies while there gone,pick up the mail, feed the dog and/or anything to help them out..

Im praying for you today and for your friends....Im so sorry for your loss...

FOBD--

Oh-I'm so sorry. That is terrible. Dixie said everything best. God put you in the exact place where you are needed now, so don't worry about what you can't do, because it isn't yours to do. You have PLENTY to do, as dixie described.

I'm praying for you as well.
sg

I know no other way, dear friend.

"When thou passeth through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee." - Isaiah 43:2

"Fear thou not; for I am with the; be not dismayed; for I am thy god; I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness." - Isaiah 41:10

"And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain; for the former things are passed away."

Sweetie, please listen to me... this is a horrible thing that has happened. Absolutely horrible and there really isn't much comfort right this second. But please do not feel that anyone or anything was paying anyone back. Your friend obviously is a wonderful man and his brother sounds equally wonderful. We do not understand God's ways. I don't pretend that I do, at least. But, he wants to be good to us. He wants to help us. I cannot understand why you are in such horrible pain and not being relieved of it right now. I just want your peace so much. But, there is a plan for you. A plan that you cannot imagine and it will be great. You were brought here and you don't have the first clue how much you have lifted people's spirits. You don't have a clue who you might have saved from making a horrible mistake and ruining their lives. God turned this bad situation into some good. You have helped so many people already. You turned your pain into good.

Please do not give up on your hopes. As you said, you are not thinking clearly. I can hear your desperation loud and clear. I know that feeling. And I promise you, you ARE going to get through this. You ARE. The sun is going to shine on your life. In the meantime, stay in prayer. Ask for prayers.

Please let us know how you are doing.

LIS