Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives For Newcomers Archives W Left almost 3 months ago

You are absolutely on the right track!!! I cannot even begin to understand the strength it took for you to get through that, but you showed such strength. You did great!!!!

When you say you didn't care if she called or not, what does that mean? Does that mean that you are doing better with detaching or does that mean that you just want it all over with?

Be proud!!!

You're getting this DBing thing down--keep it up!

lost,

For some reason I was feeling good today. Since I haven't spoken to her in almost a week I stopped looking at my phone every few minutes. That is exhausting! However after each talk with her I usually feel pretty good for a few days. Then as the days pass and there is no contact I start to crack again.

We will see how long this last. The difference today was I was feeling ok before she called so I was more relaxed when she did call and I was on the phone with my DB coach. That probably helped a lot.

The bigges part of me feeling at ease was you guys. This board is like free therapy. It has done wonders for my mental state!

Yes, the board is a lifesaver.

I'm glad to hear that you are doing well and are happy. You definitely deserve that!!!

Also, I understand the roller coaster and comments like "we will see how long this lasts." I feel the same way often. I feel like I'm getting stronger everyday, but there are moments I slip back badly, you know?

You did an awesome job today. Enjoy that!

All of your thoughts on your sitch that I quoted above are exactly how I feel about my W and I. You are not alone here. What you have to do is learn from this. Make it your goal to come out of this a better person so that you don't make the same mistake again in your next R... whether that's with your W or someone new. I said it like that bc you have to look at it as though your former M to W is gone... you don't want that. You want a new M with W.

No particular thread for our club. It has mainly been on FellOnBlackDays and mine. But we're all over man!

BITS
Denver

How are you doing 2step? I was just trying to catch up on your thread.

Hey 2step - what is the status of the D process in your sitch? Have you signed the papers?

Denver,

Yeah I signed and she will be receiving it tomorrow Friday. Now the ball is in her court. Hopefully she delays it. The papers went to her not the attorney.

Well I was just sitting here reading the board trying to think of some words of wisdom to give and my W calls. I was a little surprised this is how it went...

I answered remembering to keep a smile on my face and she said "Ok so I figured it out. If we only talk for a few minutes we can both walk away happy as long as we don't talk about the M so you have till I get home" from there we just talked about work and stuff. She told me a little about her day and her job and what's being going on. Then she started talking about my Daughter and started to say how I never made her feel like a good mother. How she wasn't so crazy after all. How she did a lot of good and I just didn't see it. How women are simple "if you want a good woman then you have to be a good man"

The whole time a tried to keep it light and validate.\

So now my question is if the other person feels like they are right in their decision and that I am to blame for everything anyways if I validate doesn't that just strengthen their resolve for leaving? Doesn't she think..."see I knew I was right all along and I did the right thing because I deserve better. Now you’re seeing it and now you understand but now it is too late because I was not wrong"

Since the conversation was light I brought the Walk away wife and she said I would see it if I had a computer so I told her I would send it to her Iphone if I found it.

I only brought it up to illustrate that I was not angry with her and that I understood where she was coming from.

She seemed so sure in her belief that she has made the right choice because she was right all along, if she believes that then why in the world would she return and give us another chance.

So much for feeling great and hopeful! Jeez! That victory was short lived!

2step,
You did great and I congratulate you!! If you have been reading my sitch, I have had the pleasure of the same kind of thing over the past couple of weeks. My W is kind, seems to stay on the phone longer than necessary and seems to always compliment me on my demeanor and kindness. Tonight when she called, she did something she has not done in a long time. She told me she wanted to discuss a couple of things. To test her, I told her I was very tired from work and was heading to bed soon. She agreed and told me her points. But then, something interesting happened. She said, "Dang it, I know there is something else that I needed to tell you. What was it? Hmm, what was it." I said nothing. I wanted to see how long she would keep this up. This went on for almost a full minute. I think she didn't want to get off the phone.

So, keep it up my friend. The things you said tonight were dead on. You are blowing her mind right now, buddy. You are taking control and planting the seed of doubt in her mind. Remember, it is just a seed right now and may not bare fruit for weeks or months. But that bad boy is planted. Goal #1 accomplished on your part!!! You see, when you signed those papers and sent them back, you took control. She probably banked that you would never send them back or fight her on it. Signing them has completely disrupted her perfect little plan that she had all worked out in her head.

CONGRATULATIONS on a job well done! Keep us posted!

B.I.T.S.

FOBD

Feeling kind of down today not really sure why. I've been thinking about different times of the day that affect me and picking up my daughter from school and coming home is always so hard. I feel responsible for destroying her world, now she has no mother and for a little girl of just 10 it is so devastating.

I get angry so very angry that W has done this. All she remembers are the things that I didn't do but can't remember what I have done. Last night when we spoke I mentioned the WAW video and she said "I would watch it but since you gave me the laptop which you know doesn't work I can't" So I sent it to her on the iphone.

I have taken some serious steps to understand where she is coming from and to really get to know her the only problem she feels as if she was right and now I am seeing it for the first time. However as I learn about her I also learn about myself and I realize I am not that abnormal. If she ever takes the time to learn about me she would understand why I reacted certain ways and her resentment will begin to thaw.

I don't fellas! She did respond to the video and said "I watched the video. Interesting......."

I gave her Men are from Mars book and she said at one point she would read it. But when? In two years? By that time do I even want her back? Basically she will be a better W for someone else. Great for me!