Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Need advice please!!! Not sure on next move?

You did good. The only thing I wouldn't have done is respond after he said he was sick. In the end what he did was rude by not contacting you sooner. It's another example of him assuming you're going to be there waiting for him. IMO you should have responded with ...

Him: " Think I'm getting sick".
You: "Could you let me know in advance when you will be picking up the dog? Thanks. In the future, let me know if you can't make it sooner. I had a lunch date today scheduled. Hope you feel better."

You still could send that last part. Great job keeping your cool.

I think you did awesome. I know how hard it is to not come unglued on them. And I love the venting! I totally second that. Years of M and we resort to an electronic device for our main sourse of communication.

I do like MrBond's response too. It is just pleasant enough. Again, good for you!

Thanks yall! I keep telling myself to respond in a different way then what he would expect or think of me.

Good thing is...I get to keep the sweet dog a bit longer. Its good to have her around for me. It keeps me distracted from the mess.

So, now I guess we will see when he will text again to let me know when he will get her. I'm thinking Sunday or Monday now. I really hope another week. Cause, I adore that sweet dog!!!

Geez folks...this mentally wore me out today!

Hey Dixie... again, nice job handling that today. I just wanted to suggest that you read everything you can about 'detaching' on this forum or in DR. I think that you need to work on it. It will help you.

Dixie,
You did great! You were calm, collected and DB'ed, which is important. As for why he did that, who knows. But, don't do what I do... don't let your mind get the best of you. Unfortunately, I would have done the same thing. I would have immediately started cooking up all these horrible things in my head about why a text versus a call. Especially since I am convinced my W is having an EA via texting. But, try not to do it. Stop and tell yourself, "maybe he is really sick." He really could be. Or, maybe he is having a bad day and does feel like he can face you right now. That would actually make you the bigger person. I suspect some of my W's avoidance is because she is really wrestling with some serious guilt since she left. So, instead of jumping to the conclusion that he is sleeping with someone else, for now, give him the benefit of the doubt until he gives you a reason to think otherwise. As numerous people have stated here before, only believe 50% of what you see and nothing of what you hear.

Now, I would like to make a suggestion. Take it or leave it. You may want to do what I did. Politely request that all future interactions will have to be by phone. No emails, no texting. Here is what I told my W. "I no longer want to communicate by texting or emails because there are no facial expressions or tone of voice in a text or email. That can lead to misunderstandings and unnecessary arguments and hurt feelings. A person-to-person call is genuine and easy to interpret. Considering we are in this tough time, let's not put ourselves in a situation where something could be misunderstood and lead to a bad situation." You know, she smiled and stated she could not argue with that. Give it a try. If it works, go have a nice steak dinner and dedicate that first juicy bite to me. :-)

Remember, the only easy day here is yesterday!

B.I.T.S.

FOBD

Thanks Denver and FellOnBLackDays. I will take both of those suggestions!

Thanks for the support, it really does help. Denver, Im working on the detachment part. It's really tough...I know yall know that. But, I'm moving forward even if just a bit.

I took a nap and just woke up. Cause, ya know I can never sleep now. I woke up so pisst about it still. Had to pray about it and release my anger over it. I told myself, H is not upset one bit right now. He is probally sleeping like a baby or whatever. Don't dedicate any more of my energy to it! That helped a bit! LOL

Good news is...its a new day and I have a few more days w/my sweet doggie!

The next time he texts or whatever, DO NOT answer right away. Give it a day as hard as it seems. You have to show him that you aren't pining away and waiting for him to come home. Start doing the things that interest you again and give you joy.

Thanks Mr. Bond. I WILL do that.

Venting Again:

Just woke up again...having a real tough time this morning. Am I the only one that dreams about this too??? I can't get peace when I do sleep! It hits you sometimes that this is REAL! Sounds crazy I know...of course I know its real, but it hits me so hard that it sends me into a crying wreck.

I tell myself to get control of my emotions. That GOD has it all under control. Let go and let GOD....but, it hurts like hell. When I think of HOW he did this...over the phone while I was sick and 2 days before Christmas! Then my MIL posts on FB the pics from Christmas....there he is smiling an posing w/family! Ive never not spent Christmas w/them....

While I was by myself in my apartment crying. When my Mom got here after a 5 hour drive. I couldnt even function..

It feels like there is no hope...that he is REALLY done. How does someone go from being real sweet to just cut you off? I guess I just don't have it in me to do that to someone. I'm just not wired that way. Even if I didnt love them anymore.

Keep you words of wisdom coming folks....I need them! I'm trying so hard...Telling myself to detach now! I pray GOD gives us all peace and comfort.

No, you're not the only one who dreams about this too. I haven't slept good in weeks except for 1 or 2 nights when I was so exhausted my body just gave out. I dream about it all a lot, wake up in the middle of the night and it hits me and I can't go back to sleep. I end up crying quietly and soaking my pillow. I understand. You're not alone in this. I'm going to start exercising to help me sleep more, clear my head and get into better shape. Maybe you should too?

God is in control, you can let go. But it still hurts like heck. But no, he's not happy, his smile is fake, endorphin, idiocy induced. He's a bigger mess than you are right now only he's too self-destructive to notice it. When he does bottom out (and he will)... he'll be dealing with regret, pain, shame, etc FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE and eternity too because he has to answer to God for this. Your pain is temporary. Just remember that. TEMPORARY. Though it doesn't feel that way right now. I have to keep telling myself that too. When my XH left me I was a wreck for 2 years. 2 full years. No one could tell me that some day I wouldn't hurt. Here it is, 10 yrs later.... I feel nothing for him. Fondness for the memories we have, pity for who he became but that's it. I don't care enough to hurt anymore. The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. So just remember, that however this turns out (fixing marriage or D)... this pain is temporary. Now, throw that back in my face when I need it, please?

Something else you need think about... he HAS to smile in front of everyone, he HAS to pretend to be happy.... otherwise he looks like an idiot for walking out. If he walks around looking sad or upset or angry, family and friends will tell him he's messed up, to get help, to go back home to his wife and stop messing up his life. He's trying to prove to the world he's not wrong.

Have you thought about getting another dog for you? I have a little dog too, she's my baby, my little bundle of happy. Nothing phases her, she's always happy, she loves me unconditionally, she needs me, she won't leave me. I need her to keep me sane, to give me the affection I need. Ok so it's a lick on the face at 7am or sitting on my lap begging for me to pet her non-stop... but boy, it's nice to be needed and loved. Think about it. 2 little dogs isn't too much if he comes back. And it would something for YOU, a good moving forward step, GAL. If not a dog, get a bird or a fish. It helps to not be the only soul in the house.

Hey DG

Sorry didnt get your message, only pop in and out of here these days.. Im in the UK so will try and read your thread over the weekend and see if I can chip in with any ideas..

Nice of Mr Bond to think of me.. If you cheers you up, Mr Rabbit left for over six months but the boys on here gave me tips on how to keep my anxiety under control and I really managed to change me around, hardly recognise myself these days lol..
Mr Rabbit has been back at home just coming up for a year :-)

Hang in there will catch up soon x