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I did pick up that game and the younger kids and i love it.

Was a good weekend, kids saw disney on ice with mema and papa and they loved it. When i picked up the oldest 2 from their dads, he says he wants 3 weekends a month with them, so now, my wife has lost her weekend with the oldest 2. Not sure what to do, but i have to play this game and its getting tiring. if he gets more time with the boys he wont take me to court for custody. Im not losing my weekend with them.

I know this situation is different, but does anyone have any input on this?

Well,i had a bit of a back slide yesterday. She showed up with OM to pick up the kids. Om drove right in the driveway, i told him to get off my property and he told me no and that i could F*** myself.

I kinda lost it, walked out to his truck, told him to get the hunk of sh** out of my driveway before i counted to 5 or I would just start swinging. I got to 4, my fist were clenched and he got of my property.

So not my best performance. There was no need for that, i know. Just like there was no need for him to come on my property. I feel like my world is being invaded, i dont even want him on my street. Its disrespectful of her to bring him here. unfortunatly, i cant seem to shake that feeling. I dont want him near my home or my family. I cant control if she has him near my family, but i'll be damned if i let him near my home.

Is this normal? does anyone have any pointers on how to deal with this? I feel really bad about it, and i really need some help with this hurdle.

on another note, only my oldest went last night. the other 3 choose to have nothing to to with OM. Of course that is my fault, but it is what it is.

I think your reaction is perfectly understandable. I have followed your situation and as I understand it this man is well aware he is not welcome at your home.

I believe you probably felt disrespected, at least in part, because he was being deliberately provocative.

I am a lawyer in Ontario. If you advise someone to leave your driveway (not the street but your property) and they do not, they are trespassing. You are entitled to use force to remove them if they refuse to leave when requested to do so. Myself, I would call the police rather than get physically involved but what you did was not 'illegal', assuming it happened as you describe.

I hope you won't beat yourself up too much. You have been unbelievably patient in the face of some of the toughest challenges I've ever seen. I think you deserve to show yourself some kindness and compassion also. Take care.

Tank,

A a man, I'd view it as a territorial pi55ing contest, and as a man, I have no problem with what you did, your house.

As a man who DBs...

You attack the OM, verbally, or stupidly physically and you bind your wife and the OM tighter together. Outside pressure turns their little fantasy into an 'us vs them' and it doesn't serve your cause.

I do agree with Ed, do not beat yourself up about this, move on, the good news? The dirt bag, likely WON'T try that again. But if he does? Figure on him pushing your buttons to get a rise out of you.

You're better than a Pavolivian dog right? He does it again, just smile at the b-tard, let him know he isn't worth the effort.

Ok, I am going to say this up front, I am venting!

The as#hole kept my kids up til 1:30 watching movies and then decided it would be good to take them to their moms work until 3:30 in the morning. You have got to be kidding me. That is just ridiculous. To make matters worse the watched zombie movies and my daughter 7 is afraid to go to sleep. What a complete fing indiot.

Today was my oldests 15th birthday. My w was supposed to bring him to my mothers for dinner and a party. instead she made him the same meal he had requested for his bday dinner at lunch time, celebrated his birthday with cake etc. and then dropped them off at home which is a 45 min drive from her place instead of my parents which is 15mins away. What a bit#@.

I lost my cool, by myself of course as i had a nice long drive home and i got to spend a total of 1hr with my son on his birthday as he was so tired, he went to bed.

I am fighting every urge i have to stop myself from unloading on her and OM.

thanks for listening, thought it would be better on here then to her or OM.

Tank, I can't begin to imagine the pain, anger and frustration you are going through. Yes, this is more then disrespectful! It's a down right moral crime! Not sure what people are thinking. Bad enough she cheats but to bring that filth to your home?!?! To introduce that filth to your kids?!?! Unreal!!!!!! That said, if you ask me, your standing up for YOUR respect is attractive. Doing nothing is not an option in my opinion!!!

Only one thing you can do, move on! IMHO...

I think you did EXACTLY what was required as a man! Kudos!!!!

Keep looking out for your children, they are the innocent and they need a strong dad. Keep it up!

So a little easier until supper tonight and my S13 says that my D7 was hugging OM. Well, i choked on my dinner and didnt say anything. Its not her fault, she is a loving little girl. if OM is good enough for mommy, then he is good enough for her in her mind.

Doesnt make it any easier. Not only has he taken my W but now he is looking after my kids, being affectionate. I have had all i can take.

I drew the line in the sand with my kids, i told them to have fun when with mommy, but that right now, i dont need to hear about what they do there. As time passes maybe i will, but for the next little while to keep their life with mom to themselves.

I know that is next to impossible for kids to do, but i just cant deal with that yet. I am at my max. right now.

Its not so much her as it is him. I just dont want him near my family. If they were to break up and she were to find a new boyfriend, i could deal with it. Just not the OM. No matter how hard i try, i cant move past it. is that normal, who knows, but it is for me.

So when your w is acting like an idiot and trying to upset you all the time, when she asks for a favour, do you do it for her?

I think that after all she has done to me, that as long as she is with the OM i do nothing for her.

So I didnt cave to her want so she tried to make me look bad in my kids eyes. So i surprised her and called them at om house and told them specifically that i wouldnt let them stay 2 hours later with mommy as they needed to be in bed.

They were good, and it took the wind out of her sails. I never make her look bad to the kids, why would she want to do that to me?

I realize that my wife is a looney tune!

well, i have been away for a while so i will keep this short so i can get to reading and catching up.

I was out of country for work and my wife not only didnt stay with the kids, she saw them only once. She has been very nasty to me over the last couple of weeks, and pretty much the comments have revolved around why could i not have been the father and person i am now before she got fed up and left.

I met her for coffee this morning at her work, and i told her flat out i cant stand the negativity and her hating me. I told her she was my best friend and i hated that we couldnt even have a conversation about the children with out her flipping out. It was kinda like my comments were a relief to her. She said she wants to be able to call me and talk to me, she doesnt want to fight. She realizes what she has done and that she hopes we can move past it and be friendly. i stopped the conversation at that point, drove her home and asked if she needed my support for her trial tomorrow. Which she told me, she got into this mess by herself, she will geet out of it by herself. I told her i would be at her house at 8am to pick her up and take her, she neednt do this on her own.

I then went to our mutual friends house and asked WTF is going on with w. Her friend told me that she is starting to come unglued with OM. He aparantly is extremely lazy, cheap, procrastanates on everything, he wont clean the spare room of all his bball cards and figurines so the kids have a room to sleep in. he wont let her have a dog, wont go for walks with her and he watches sports and plays on the computer all the time. His car has been broken and he wont spend the money to fix it and it is unsafe for my kids to ride in.

So ya it seems the bubble is close to bursting. The mutual friend did say that my wife admitted that we had a good marriage, that we were happy, that things were good between us until she did what she did. She admitted that we had achieved the goals we had set for ourselves and that she got bored.

She mad a comment about how gray her hair was to our friend and our friend said go do something about it to which my wife replied, i can only use a box dye, i dont make enough money any more and OM doesnt give her any. She misses how i treated her, how i would give her a couple of hundred and say go get your hair done and have a mani and pedi. She said she missed being treated like that!

Ok, SO I AM BEGGING FOR AS MUCH ADVISE AS I CAN GET FROM YOU FOLKS ON HERE.

this all seems good to me, seems that things are starting to change. I dont want to screw this up, it might be my only real shot at getting my family back. I have asked for help before and have recieved lots of advise. this time i feel i really need to be coached by the experts on how to move forward.

Well, my wife went to court with out me. She was adament about doing it on her own. OM didnt even go with her. The crown wouldnt deal and is asking the judge for jail time. She goes back in 2 weeks to plead guilty to the theft charges and she cant afford a lawyer. I offered her help so she didnt get screwed.

Then things kinda went sideways, she flipped out on me. Said she didnt want my help and support on anything, didnt even want me to contact her any more. She just kinda went nuts about everything. I didnt text her back and she would flip out about something else.

I finally sent this text "i dont know why your angry at me? What i did to deserve this treatment, but if your choice is for no contact from me than i will respect your choice and honor your decision. I wish you the best in the trial, Always me".

This morning i get a text from her "i am sorry i got so upset yesterday. i had a bad day and took it out on you and i shouldnt have done that. sorry"

i didnt respond and she kept sending me apologies.

I do love this women, i think i always will, and i do try to make her smile when ever i can. Instead of talking to her, i just sent her a message before she arrive to get the kids for a visit.

I want you to have sophie (her dog that she left with me) for the weekend with the kids. I know she will make you smile and give you someone to take on your walks.

Served to purposes: #1 made her so happy, my phone went off the hook, she asked for the shampoo, brush, food bowls, bed etc for the dog. Showed that i still cared about her and want to make her smile.

#2 OM wont let her have a dog, so now i am just being the nice guy. I also know, if sophie doesnt sleep in my room with me she growls and barks all night. She will pee in the new environment and she will growl at OM. I just know my dog. This will be stressful for her.

But my wife will remember that i did this act of kindness for her at a bad moment of her life. So it makes me feel good, she saw the happiness in my face when she showed up to get the kids and i had sophie all ready. that act made me happy, and thats what this is about right? doing things to improve myself and make me happier.

There was one situation that happened at her arrival. All 3 of the boys decided to stay home. i told my wife that no matter how much she thinks of OM i have an issue with him being left along with my 7 year old daughter.

Surprisingly she agreed, no questions asked, she called her cousin and made arrangements for D7 to spend the night there while she was working.

I took today as very positive, and i feel great about it. Now i have my 3 boys and about 5 of their friends over tonight on my alone weekend, but i love it. Going to paint the living room tomorrow and then install some new hardwood. Finally finishing off the Honey DO List.

Hopefully someday, that list will grown again. I look forward to it.