It's not necessarily less attention, maybe just how you show him attention. You don't have to wait on him hand and foot or jump when he tells you to. Start off by doing little things here and there and don't expect something back.
"I think I am not at a point of piecing anything yet. He's wanting to leave and I am trying to stop him to leave. I think me paying more attention to him now will only backfire.
right now, with me in the house, he can't wait to get the hell out. I have already tried to be as nice and warm and happy as possible. I want to cool things off first."
You are definitely not at piecing. First thing you need to understand is that all WAS's feel the way your H does. They feel the burning need to leave right away. It's just how they are.
Stay nice warm and happy. Continue to look good and smell good. Just don't do it for him. Do it for you because it makes you feel good.See if that attracts him. Don't push any talks or try to trick him into staying. TAke the focus off of him and onto your son.
"bond building need to come later?"
Yes this is important. You can't force a father to bond with his child. Have you tried to do activities together as a family? Or maybe you can say that you signed your child up for something and needed your H to take him because you were busy. Maybe sign up with other families that do group activities.
He needs something to engage with the child. Just leaving the two of them together while you take off isn't going to work. Instead it'll make him more irritable. Men don't automatically know what to do with kids so that's the worse thing you could do.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I don't mean to jump in the middle of this with my own story, but what Bond is saying is so important. My H (who I am separating from) has warmed up a bit in the last few days. The first day he did, I just ignored him. Bad idea. I caught on a day later... If my H approaches me and tries to be warm, I reciprocate. Not overly, but I do. Meaning, I don't go looking for attention. I don't seek him out, but whenever he's around, I am smiling, friendly and receptive.
I know our spouses feel like they couldn't get away from us fast enough. Thing is, if they felt like that ALL the time, they would be long gone already. Regardless of what they say, they are mulling over things and watching us VERY CAREFULLY!!! Be the best you that you can be.
Ok my phone couch actually thinks its a good idea that I leave and have him take care of the son for a period of time so he can have a reason to move back into the house. he's currently staying in a hotel.
She told me to do these things:
1. stop saying i love you 2. stop touching him 3. act happy and go out 4. let him feel like I don't need him to have a life. I have a life.
for this period of time.
but of course, still be friendly and warm when he talks to me.
dbmod yes she didn't tell me to date others. i got that idea from reading all sorts of other material. still at a very confused stage. dating someone really didn't make me feel too much better. I went home crying for an hour. although it did make me feel that I am still attractive enough that if I want to there are other men out there who wants me. Just that, my heart still belongs to my husband. I am trying so hard to make myself feel better and put on an act. Sigh.
Far as my DB days goes, today is a good one. One that gave me hope, that kept me sane and kept me strong and going.
Husband came in to see son, soon as he walked in the door, we said hi to each other, and he gave me a big hug.
I then said to him "I must say, you are a really good father. most man in the situation like ours, won't come in everyday to see their kid" He said, "he's my son". I can tell he was happy that i complimented him. Then he went on and tell me about his work, actually pay far less attention to son than to me. We chat about causal stuff, and we laughed a lot. I can see there is something in him that he misses the "us". And I miss it so much also.
He actually stayed much longer than he usually did. My friend came to our house to meet me for dinner. we left before he did.
Everyday, I pray to god for a miracle, that we will be together again. Not necessary over night, but a bit by bit. Today, I think God did grant me one. Thank you God. You gave me so much hope.
husband came in earlier than usual to see son. I was in the middle of putting on makeup and dolling up to have dinner with friends. I put an extra effort in dolling up. he came in, saw me putting on makeup, went outside and play with son. When I finished I came out, he was obviously not happy. he wouldn't even look at me. just talk very cold and purely business.
I at one point said to him, if you want to you can join us for drinks later. he said "wouldnt it be weird since we are divorced?" I said, it would only be weird if you feel thats weird.
and he said he can't say long, fifteen minutes he said. when he stand at the door ready to go, he stood for a long time.
Is it a good sign? Please tell me. is the db working? is he jealous?
my mom found out about our situation, despite me telling her not to call my husband and try to salvage things, she did.
so we had one day of [censored] storm between the two of us again. I told him the door is always open until the divorce is final he told me he thought we have an understanding that this is over. blah blah.
didn't end well. I thought [censored], all the good work going down the drain and here we go again.
apparently its not as bad as i thought. he came today to see son, and again I kept it happy and light. we chat for a long time over work and stupid things. he stayed a bit longer after son went to bed even. After he went back to his hotel, he chat with me online for longer.
the stupid man have no idea that he's not even over me himself. I think this is a good sign ? I am doing well? anyone care to comment?
