my mother spoke with her this morning when she took our son back and told her he was on the couch crying this morning cause he wanted his momma and daddy back together and she never commented or showed any care. its getting harder and harder for me not to hate her guts.
Well i backslid!!!!!! She started last night and i just couldn't hold back. She got to talking bout how her 20 year old friends told her there should be all these butterfly feelings in a marriage. I told her when they hold their spouses hand while she gives birth to their child then talk to me bout what they know bout a marriage. Also told her they should sit down and go thru our photo albums when me and my w were holding our son in the hospital when he was born or his first birthday party when me and my wife were helping him eat his first lil birthday cake we bought him.
I feel for you man, I am in the same boat. It is about to be 3 months for me and she went dark last Saturday after we spoke about the marriage. I worry about the same things and I know about detaching and keeping yourself busy but apart from work and now a single father of an 10yr old girl I don't get a lot of time to work on me.
I am going banana's and I have this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach almost constantly. I pick the book up to read and end up saying to myself what's the point it's useless now, but then the next day I'll read some it. I keep a journal but have stopped writting in it since I have been posting. Really this forum has become my only outlet.
M: 42 - W: 41 - M: 18 - T: 23 - D:16 S:14 EA - July 2010 NC w/EA - Nov 2010 Piecing - Jan 2011 I ask for div - Jan 2012 Div papers filed - Mar 2012 I move out - July 2012 Divorce final - Nov 7, 2012
she will text me when i go dark for a week and ask about custody isues and what she needs to tell them to put into the papers but has yet to file. she is playing a dangerous game with me cause i am getting to where i could care less if she lives or dies. just recently cut off all her financial funding and being she is an unemployed college student interested to see how she responds to that. my w dosnt want a divorce she is playing a game trying to get me to be however she wants me to be but this game has gone on long enough and im fixing to end her little game. its taken me 3 months after the separation to finally build up the strength to stand up to her something she has never seen. guys let me tell u something i have learned until u get the power back in ur marriage and cut a selfish wife off u have no chance in hell and she will use u to the end im telling u cause im living proof. you have to stand up to women like this she wants a divorce fine show her ass the door im telling u it will work out much better than begging crying and pleading believe me there are many women out there much better than what u have and i have just learned that.
Man I hear you, I go from sad to super angry. Especially when my D asks for her or cries because she is gone. I blame my W. Look both parties here played a role in the separation there is little doubt about that. I think your W and mine might have similar opinions on us but if I have learned one thing is that when I get upset I validate her believes in me. "There is the A&&hole I know" she said to me on the 5th of Jan when she told me she filed. I was upset she was throwing away a decade.
After a few days of calming down and reflecting and I spoke to her again I was cool pleasant and reassuring. What I got was a much softer W. Now she thinks to herself "that was a nice conversation" That week we spoke almost every day small simple stuff but what I failed to see was the good I was actually doing. Then this last Saturday we started out great and I ended up backsliding and brought up the Divorce and the marriage asking her to stop it and give us a chance. My result. No contact since. The results are pretty telling I think.
I've thought about this all week and realized that any time I talk to her and she gets off the phone feeling good about the conversation I am actually winning. If she goes through with the divorce at least I want her thinking he was a great guy as oppose to thinking I am glad I did this cause he is a D&^% head. No! I will not give her that satisfaction any longer.
It's funny until I type these words I didn't really get it. I could be angry and bitter all I want but as it turns out she has been Dbusting me all along. Detached, always initiates the end of the call (when I try she continues to ask questions) is friendly and pleasant and never mean. So, what happens? I want her more. Why could not that work the other way around? Because we are the ones desperate and we fail to see the little things.
Staying pleasant actually gives her pause to rethink and reflect, lashing out only makes her believe she has made the right choice.
I hope she calls again because I am going to put this theory to the test. By the way mine already filed and I just sent her back the papers yesterday, she should have them by Friday. Still hoping she stops this but who knows!
