Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers DB'ing but it's a daily struggle - need support.

LOL - so my W just called me at work. Asked me to pick up some dog food on the way home. Sure no problem.

Then she asks me, "Is something wrong?" to which I simply replied, "No, why?". She says, "You've been giving me the silent treatment the last couple days?"

Are you kidding me? WTF her issue?

I just told her that I promised to give her time and space and I've re-focused on that - nothing no, no additional issues, just trying to stick to what I said I would do.

Even though she doesn't like the pursuing (clear by the standard eye-roll I get when I pursue), she seems to almost miss it when I stop doing it?? Can someone explain what this is??

Is she still in the "game"? Should I take this as a positive sign??

The pursuer and distancer - its a dance. When you pursue, she distances. Vice versa. Get it?
Which would you rather be in?
I am in the same boat right now - decided since Jan.1st to distance. No H is being sooo friendly.

How to act? As I heard before, read before, keep your distance "lovingly", be friendly but distracted, not too enthusiastic.

Positive in a sense that you know she is watching you. Not indifferent.

Positive in a sense that your actions may possibly have a good effect in the future. Your changes are noticed.

Remember though that everything takes time. Keep up the good work.

I would take that as a positive. I would love to hear my wife ask me anything about the way I was feeling. I say, good for you, but don't take it for anymore than what it is. I also agree with Angel.

Heck, I would love it if she would ask me to pick up some dog food.lol. She is so hard in her ways right now, she would drive 100 miles for dog food before she would ask me to bring some home if I was working at Purina.

The point to that is that if I do something that even appears to be helping her in some way, she fights it.

When I got the D bomb, she also said "I don't need you". I assume this no help from me business has something to do with feelings regarding this statement. She is coming around now though. It is no longer like trying to get through an NFL offensive line just to load the dishwasher.

"Even though she doesn't like the pursuing (clear by the standard eye-roll I get when I pursue), she seems to almost miss it when I stop doing it?? Can someone explain what this is??

Is she still in the "game"? Should I take this as a positive sign??"

Here's your answer. Make a note of it and then move on. Stop analyzing every little interaction. What's going to happen is that the next time she acts "distant" you're going to be coming here and complaining how she was so nice (just the casual dog food comment).

You're going to run around in circles trying to figure out you W's rationale of why she even asked you to pick up dog food. It's just dog food.

Understood Bond, but it wasn't the fact that she asked me to get dog food (as I noted) it's the fact that she seemed to care that something might be bothering me and was inclined to ask.

It just feels like ups and downs. I've got no expectations now - honestly, but can't help but vent when I give her what she seems to want and then she's turning around and asking me "What's wrong?"

"it's the fact that she seemed to care that something might be bothering me and was inclined to ask."

What's telling is not the fact that she asked but the fact that she didn't understand why you are still upset about the D. The thing you need to understand is that to the WAS what they're doing makes perfect sense and its everyone else who has a problem.

It's why they're able to say things like how they've NEVER been happy or how they regret ever getting married, etc. In my sitch, my W told me before how our wedding day was the worst day of her life and how she never should have done it. I gently but firmly reminded her that she was very happy and last time I checked, no one had put a gun to her head to force her to get married. After that she shut up.

So that's why sometimes you need to call them out on their BS when necessary.

Also, maybe I'm misreading but are you saying that your parents were always supportive of you, yet you felt that you couldn't express yourself to them?

Maybe I'm not getting why you were happy your W laid into your mom when it sounds like they were supportive of you. W's may come and go but your parents will always be your parents.

My parents have always been supportive of me except when it came to my W. They've never really approved of her. To a point that's fine, but my mother has done and said some things that were really inappropriate - but I was never able to tell her she was in the wrong (until now).

I guess what I never realized is that my parents will be there for me regardless, which is why I really should have backed up my W in the situations where my M miss treated her.

Your right when you talk about the WAW thinking thaqt everyone else is wrong. My W has also complained that our wedding stunk, and that it was a horrible day.

I don't know, maybe it is for the best. Maybe we were never meant to be together? Maybe we will both be happier in the long run? I just hate this road I'm on, and I can't remove the fact that I love my W.

Oh well, I feel like I've really detached from my emotions over the last 3 days - I need to stay strong and focused.

Thanks for the comments Bond.

Are you saying that being detached from you emotions is a bad thing or a good thing?

Maybe it is for the Worst? Maybe you ARE meant to be together? and your kids.

Yes, maybe you will be happier in the long run. I know the W and I can be much happier than we ever were before if we can just get off the wrong road that we are on.

Stay positive, it will show.

Why do I always feel like I need to take my own advice? hmmm.