Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Lighthouse lit till WAW comes out of fog.

Gut check. We are supposed to be detaching and not concern ourselves with what w is or is not doing. Typing this for myself as much as for you. I am with you habitacker. I don't see my wife being one to have an A, but with a recent comment from her to her sister that 'now she is living the single life' with me not living at home anymore, would she consider it an A? OK, back to not thinking about what she does or doesn't do.

One thing I think about a lot is if we are all spending so much time on the site reading and posting, does that keep us stuck ruminating on our sitch and is it a bit unhealthy? Just a thought.

I have had some times where this site has brought me down. But overall, I would hate to see where I would be without it. I would of backslid a hundred times.

In a way, it kind of keeps me from messing up because I don't want to let anyone on here down.

Plus, another reason I have to stay on this forum is because someday I will get to post in the "another divorce busted thread".

Although she may not be in an A right now, be aware that it's always a possibility. Once someone gets into the mindset that they're lonely or that their M is in the pits, then they leave themselves open to an A to someone who they feel is "sympathetic".

You need to somehow fill that void.

Ask everyone on here whose spouse had an A. They'll all tell you how their spouse were people of integrity/honesty, etc. Mine included. Walk in with two eyes open and you'll be able to avoid it.

She told me in the beginning when I asked about OM, she said "not only do I not want you, I am not interesting in being around any man".

For now, that is good. But I know someday she is going to be lonely. The OM that doesn't exist could show up into our lives today. This is another reason it is hard to have patience.

All I can do is work on myself and be prepared, and maybe she will take another look at me before "Jocko" shows up.

I have enough to worry about, why do I keep putting things like this on my plate? I can't deal with it until it happens anyway.

That would depend upon the individual. For me, it was my therapy. I was in an EA when I found my way here. Then after I made the decision to stay with my H, I begged him to go to MC with me....but he wouldn't. So, I continued to come here. After we became stronger, I could have left the board.....and have considered it several times, but I have stayed b/c of what it did for me. If I can pay it forward, that's what I'd like to do.

I do believe if it's more of a hinderance than help, then one should move on. Yes, I'm sure it could get depressing at times. I have sat here and cried for people who are in so much pain. However, the success stories make it all worthwhile. Besides, I have some special people that I have met here.....such as Mr. Bond (whose had my back more than once). After a time, people get to be like family.

Thanks for the perspective, Sandi. I would really like it if you had the chance to read up on my sitch and give some input. I read your posts on other peoples threads and I think that I would benefit from your wisdom.

I don't mean to hijack your thread habitacker. I hope you don't mind.

On the day of the bomb, why wife told me she was tense just coming home from work. She had mentioned that she had thought about medication, but she sees the effects of it. She is a pharmacist. She sees it as a cover up.

I also have this view on medication, but I need to do something. I don't think I have slept more than 2 hours at a time since the bomb. (about 4 months). I am a bundle of nerves. This seems to come and go.

At times I feel I get a little control over my sitch, and start feeling positive. It is always short lived.

I am really starting to feel like I just can't take it anymore. Over time I thought I would get better. Sometimes it seems I have, but it just comes right back. It hurts me to even be saying this because it makes me feel weak.

Does anyone have any suggestions or experience about medication, and for what? Depression?

I am afraid of medication for the same reasons as my wife. I feel like I wouldn't be who I really am. I feel like it would make me someone I am not, and at this time I really want to be my true self.

How do you go about this? Do you just go to a doctor and say I think I am depressed?

I am not saying I have depression, maybe this is the same as everyone else in this D sitch, except maybe I am not being able to accept or deal with it very good. I don't know, this is why I am asking.

If I have to have patience and this sitch of mine is going to take some time, I don't think I can do it in the condition I am in now. I feel burnt out.

I know that God doesn't give us anything more than what he knows we can handle, but it sure seems like he is piling it on.

I feel ashamed even asking about this. It's like I am to weak to deal with my problems. I actually feel strong about dealing with sitch, but something just keeps dragging me back down.

If anyone has any thoughts or experience about depression, or medication, or whatever, please feel free to respond.

Thank you.

I went to the doctor after my H dropped the bomb, because I could neither eat or sleep. I then got a product called Atarax, which is for anxiety and unrest, it is not addictive. I take it at night to sleep, and it works.

After a while when I was on return visits and my stress level and anxiety were still so high, the doctor thought that I should try AD (Sertraline). I did not dare at first, and waited another two months. Then I felt I probably needed all the help I could get to cope with my Sitch so now I take the medicine, but at a slightly lower dose. I do not feel weird or different. My negative dips is not as deep anymore.

I still take Atarax also, when I feel I'm very anxious or when I have trouble sleeping.

I really think you should contact a doctor. Being able to eat and sleep is very important to be able to heal after a crisis response.


Take care of yourself.

Niki

There's no shame in taking meds when you need it. Trust your doctor's advice and follow his directions.....not your own. Did he tell you to take the two meds together?

Yes, she told me it's perfectly okey to take them together. she also said it would help in the beginning of taking AD, because you can feel worse the first week or so.

Niki