Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Lighthouse lit till WAW comes out of fog.

They may not be thinking rationally, but you'll be surprised how much they notice - every little thing - because you got the bomb, not the kids, not the dog, not anyone else in the whole universe - you.

You think they don't notice?? HAH !!!

Habit, SIC

I'm going to give you a little tough love. I'm sure you are both good guys, solid fathers, providers etc, and you can't imagine why your W has given you so much hurt over these last months.

Guess what? That feeling of betrayal, hurt, anger, confusion that you feel for your W. Your W has felt all that for a long time now for you. You have hurt them with your actions in the past, time and time again. They've felt real pain and now are probably just numb. These women didn't just wake up one morning and rationally decide to end a marriage. You have left emotional voids with these women and scars that need to be healed. It's not going to be healed by a few months of "good behavior" from you.

So next time you are a pity party about how bad your W is treating and how you don't deserve this because of what a wonderful H you've become. Just try to look at it from the side of your W. Did your W deserve that treatment from you? Do get why she might be done?

I'm not saying your W's are choosing the best course of action to deal with this. Clearly, things could've been handled differently by your W, (or you) so you never reached this stage. But you are where you are now.

I know all you want at times is just a little positive feedback...a sign. I get that. And I know it's hard, (on some level your W knows it's hard) But I really think you need to start there in hopes of dealing with the M. If it's too late, these are tools for your next R.

I hear you Harrier. I completely 100% acknowledged what I've done wrong and the bad habits I built up over time. I'm working on breaking them, and wish I'd done it sooner.

I'm not really sure what else I can do, and if our W's have been looking for this, you think they be happy to finally be getting it. They seem to feel like "it's too late", but I just don't understand that concept.

Regardless I've told my W numerous times that I understand and appreciate where she's coming from, but at same time she was 1 person for a period of time trying to make a difference, and now the tables have turned. You think being in that sitch for so long she'd understand the pain and want to get back to the happy place together.

I get it though - they don't believe it. Fine. I'll keep doing my best, and when she's ready I'll be here to work with her.

I just hope we get there at some point and that she doesn;t stay angry and bitter forever.

Thanks Harrier. I believe I understand everything you posted. Sometimes this forum is just a place for us to yell, "stop this, lets get to work" to our wifes.

As men, we are a "fix it now" breed, and it makes it even worse when we feel so ashamed for the pain we have caused, that we want it fixed even more. I understand it is going to take time, there might not be enough time. But I still need to vent,let frustration out or my patience will be lost. That is what I am doing on this site sometimes. I know it makes me sound weak on these posts, but I would rather release these feelings on here, so I can be given advice or refreshened by someone like you. Thank you.

Habit.

I get about the venting. I think we all need it at times and it's nice to have someone to agree with. God knows, I've had those thoughts myself. usually, I'm yelling to an empty car, especially in the beginning.

Of course for me, I'm lucky for now. My w gets what a divorce would mean and is willing to put in the work although she hits rough patches now and again. I think she was in fantasy land for a bout a week or so.

Oh boy, going to be a rough night. Weather is supposed to get pretty bad tonight. Wife wants to stay in motel near work. Her or 1 other person has to be there tomorrow. The other person is on vacation.

She has done this once or twice in the past, I think it was last year. It never crossed my mind, I trusted her 100%. Even though it does not look like my wife is having an A, I have lost trust just because of the sitch. This is going to tear me up.

What should I say to her? I feel I can't say anything. If I do it would be like accusing her of an A.

I have a couple hours to think about this if anyone has any suggestions. I am pretty sure I just have to let her go, anything else will probably only do harm.

Let her stay if it's not safe. Her safety comes first.

Well, she went to the hotel. At least I get to sleep in the bed tonight.

So how'd you sleep Habit? Hopefully well. I know for me I'd both be worried about an A and her safety. We all know there is no point in worrying about the A. I know there isn't any sort of A in my sitch, but I do wonder how long until it happens.

Once I fell asleep at 2a.m. it wasn't bad. lol. Not much of a storm. What she drove to the hotel in last night was worse than this morning. Oh well.

I shouldn't worry so much. My wife has some pretty tough morals. All my friends who know about my sitch, and who know my wife, all say there is no way she would have an A. But, I have heard it said on here many times, you have no idea what she is capable of. I need to just focus on me and my family, and not waste so much energy worrying about something that I am 99% sure doesn't exist anyway. Why force another problem on myself.