Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives For Newcomers Archives What about the rings?

I hate to be negative, but the reason I believe my wife still wears her ring is because she doesn't want anyone to know what is happening, divorce is embarrassing. I hope I am wrong.

I still wear mine and will keep doing so. It is a symbol of my commitment to my W. Regardless of what she says or feels right now, I will continue to honor my commitment with the symbol it represents. My W took hers off when she dropped the bomb, just as she had done the 2x before. If your wives are still wearing them, then I would agree that is a very good sign

yeah, divorce is embarrassing. if this is true, then i think it's a good sign. it makes her feel like a failure. if she truly believed that there was no saving it, she'd take her ring off. which is what i did. there is no saving my marriage. it would only be a painful reminder to me.

now is the time to db your butt off. while there is still some feelings regarding the marriage.

my h left and i've never heard from him since. if that hasn't happened to you, you still have a chance.

Right now (not sure if it's a trend) there appears to be a lot of us men dealing with a WAW. Not sure if this is because guys are more likely to be "oblivious" to the fact that their M is falling apart? If I hadn't lost my wedding band I'd still be wearing it.

Like others have said, I take the fact that my W still wears her rings as a sign that she isn't completely done. On the other hand it could simple be out of habit, or maybe she likes wearing them and it no longer means anything sentimental to her, I'm not sure. I know the few times I have noticed them off, and immediately my heart dies and I panic that it's really over. I figure if she took the rings off it would be a sign that it was really over.

I'm back to DB'ing, GAL and detach. I can't keep getting sucked in to my emotional ties. Can't wait for our anniversary next week!! lol

During this past year, W has worn hers off and on, but mine was too small to fit me. So, when we hit crisis last month, she hasn't worn hers since, and me: I went out an bought a new one, and wear it everyday ($50 at walmart). I suppose when, or if she really leaves the house, I would consider taking it off. But for now, it's a symbol of my own commitment to change, and starting a new kind of marriage. I too am on the heartbreak-diet.. wonder if my old one will start to fit soon.

DumpedforMIL, I hope you are right. Thanks for your views.

SIC, you are right about our emotions. After thanksgiving my wife left to work with her ring on, and came home without in on for a couple days in a row. It drove me nuts. Then a noticed a burn on her finger. She said she had burnt it taking the prime rib she made for thanksgiving out of the oven. This explains the removal of the ring. A few days went by, the burn looked better, and the ring was back on.

Just an example of tearing my self up over nothing. I have stated before that there is a negative or a positive in almost everything they do. We force ourselves to look at one or the other. Which is mind reading and can get us in trouble. This is why we detach. I know it, just can't do it. lol.

It's taken me 2-1/2 months to reach a place where I am no longer obsessed with W, R and M. I can think about her and my sitch now without fighting a cloud of emotions. You'll get there; work on it and give it time.

"I can think about her and my sitch now without fighting a cloud of emotions."

I meant to add:

If you're an emotional wreak (which is where we all begin) you have to work on YOU before you can work on WAS, M, R.

Pickle, I know what you are talking about. At first you can't see what everyone on here is posting about when they say you have to quit worrying about her every move. You see no way around it. But, in time, it does come. I would say I am good 80% of the time. Somedays are bad, and it shows in my posts. When weak, I think this is a good place to be.

All the advice given to newbies about this, almost seems worthless. When you do start letting go, it seems like it just happens. Like you get so exhausted you can't do it anymore anyway.

Hopefully I am wrong. Maybe the advice gets us there that much faster. If the advice I have received has helped me step out of that phase 1 day sooner, it is priceless. Thanks to everyone.

it's true. it's not that the advice is worthless but it takes so long for it to sink in.

i've been hit with 2x4s but so many vets here when i started and i never got it.

it took me 10 months to finally stop being so angry. i had every right to be angry but at that point, what is being angry going to do? d was going to happen .. angry or not.

counselling helped and i was truly blessed to have supportive family, friends, and just people in general.

fellas, as long as your wife is wearing her ring .. all is not lost. don't give up hope. i know for me, as soon as i took my ring off, i was done. i wasn't going to wait around for someone who clearly did not want to be with me. he was free to go.

i know the guys might be 'oblivious' to your M problems. but now is your chance to really take a look at what signs you missed and work on those. don't be obvious about it. identify, acknowledge, and keep it in the back of your head. then work on you.

act as if you are going to be a single father. adjust to that life now. learn the skills you need to learn and when the time comes, you won't be flailing.

because a man who has it together .. is very attractive. maybe this is something your W wanted to see in you? what's your story?