It means you look up to them. Or if they make a choice you go along with it because it is the best course of action.
"what did she do in the past that "told" you that she respected you?"
Just what I said.
"what kind of things were you advised to "do"?"
Get a good job. Get a house. Make babies. All is good.
"what are your thoughts on this?"
Whoever told me that was full of crap.
"what measuring stick? where is this said measuring stick with special powers that you must adhere to? can i buy one at walmart? i am not joking."
You being a woman I expect that you can buy one. There is very likely a special code that you have to give out to get into the room. But Wal-mart sells them.
Lets start with the first measure.
I don't spend enough time with the kids.
Thoughts on that?
Now keep in mind.. it was money.. it was porn.. it was "pick something"
"what do you want in life?"
Someone who chooses me. Even with all my crappy faults.
"one foot out the door? it is commonly said that a man does not leave unless there is someone else waiting. so .. is there someone else?"
No.. I am a big boy. I will assure you that there is no one waiting. I am just not wasting any more of my time. We had a discussion last night. and there was a break in the silence.
Jenny: "I can't believe after 17 years this is where we are."
Forrest: "I can't believe we are here after the past 4 years."
What do you think came next?
"only you can answer that question."
The post was a journal.. or a challenge. I like reading thoughts and ideas. Sometimes I like reading my own thoughts or ideas when other people can see them.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
It means you look up to them. Or if they make a choice you go along with it because it is the best course of action.
so she is doubting your choices? she looks down upon you. when did you start noticing this? who are you being compared to?
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Get a good job. Get a house. Make babies. All is good.
what's missing?
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"what are your thoughts on this?"
Whoever told me that was full of crap.
why did you listen to what you were told? did you have a choice?
how would you change the list of things to "do"?
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You being a woman I expect that you can buy one. There is very likely a special code that you have to give out to get into the room. But Wal-mart sells them.
are you able to decipher the special code on this measuring stick? it sounds like you didn't interpret it correctly .. went down the path without asking for directions/clarification (typical man trait). and now you're wondering .. where am i?
why didn't you ask for directions? taking temperature is a db tactic .. esp test to see if things are going well.
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I don't spend enough time with the kids.
Thoughts on that?
who's complaint is that? the kids or the W?
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Now keep in mind.. it was money.. it was porn.. it was "pick something"
when you say "it was 'pick something'" .. it sounds like she's dancing around the real issue and she doesn't feel you've created a 'safe' environment for her to express her true thoughts.
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Someone who chooses me. Even with all my crappy faults.
how does this 'you' with the crappy faults compare to the 'you' from the previous incident?
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Jenny: "I can't believe after 17 years this is where we are."
Forrest: "I can't believe we are here after the past 4 years."
What do you think came next?
no clue. haven't been lucky enough to save my m.
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The post was a journal.. or a challenge. I like reading thoughts and ideas. Sometimes I like reading my own thoughts or ideas when other people can see them.
i'm trying to figure out if i've learned something in the last year.
A lot of people don't get it -- you do -- but this is the real work of piecing. Really building a marriage a NEW marriage.
We want marriage to be completely like God, totally unconditional, warts and all, love. And that is the goal, but we have this human aspect to us. And rebuilding is hard. It's starting over in many ways.
It isn't a failure that you are at this place. It's part of the marriage map. It's new territory to navigate. This is the hardest part--keeping your heart open through it, not giving up. This is where many folks say, f-it. They just can't take it, but mostly don't know how--no skills. We aren't taught how to do this.
But this is where love is a decision, where it is patient and kind. Just keep being patient. How do you get patient? By being patient. Just do. There is no try, there is only do. But when you can't make yourself do, make yourself try. I know you get it.
And everything, absolutely everything is one day at a time. Actually one hour, one minute at a time. For this moment, be patient, be kind. Be love. Just be open and do the next right thing.
I'm with you. I'm on your team.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
But this is where love is a decision, where it is patient and kind. Just keep being patient. How do you get patient? By being patient. Just do. There is no try, there is only do. But when you can't make yourself do, make yourself try. I know you get it.
huh? where can i find this in the DB/DR books? you totally lost me.
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And everything, absolutely everything is one day at a time. Actually one hour, one minute at a time. For this moment, be patient, be kind. Be love. Just be open and do the next right thing.
and what would the next right thing be? what does it say in DR/DB?
be patient? be kind? his w is treating him like a doormat. and the advice is to be kind?
we need a game plan here. something concrete. i'm sure if we put our heads together, we can come up with something.
My dear Forrest, we have been through a lot "together" and you know I love you for all your help. When I read your post, I wanted it to be a point you were making for a newcomer that was stuck. I wanted that and didnt want to read your M is shaky, cause then... all of us piecing "lucky b@stards", may end up at the same point. Selfish? Yeah... But I am sure you will understand. It's the secret, non verbalised fear that lingers over at piecing forum...
Anyway, who brought up the "I am not happy" thing? You or Jenny?
Are there any other signs you get but havent shared with us? Could she be involved in any way with anyone else?
How is her career? Has she moved up that ladder? New power, new excitement?
How is your sex life? How has it been?
Do you honestly feel you can live without her? I know you maybe fed up and tired and disappointed because things SHOULD be OK by now, but getting tired clouds our judgement.
IMO, being happy in a long term relationship, involves the ability of the partners to be happy with what they have. Not in a "settle for whatever" way, but "focus on what is good, improve what isnt and dont allow the latter ruin the former" way.
But this is where love is a decision, where it is patient and kind. Just keep being patient. How do you get patient? By being patient. Just do. There is no try, there is only do. But when you can't make yourself do, make yourself try. I know you get it.
huh? where can i find this in the DB/DR books? you totally lost me.
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And everything, absolutely everything is one day at a time. Actually one hour, one minute at a time. For this moment, be patient, be kind. Be love. Just be open and do the next right thing.
and what would the next right thing be? what does it say in DR/DB?
be patient? be kind? his w is treating him like a doormat. and the advice is to be kind?
we need a game plan here. something concrete. i'm sure if we put our heads together, we can come up with something.
Being patient and kind is part of real giving. His wife isn't remotely treating him like a doormat -- that isn't what Forrest said. He also talked about his own actions.
Telling someone their spouse is treating them like a doormat is part of the Blame Game. It is ineffective for DBing to save a marriage. Forrest isn't blaming. He's talking about feelings and frustrations. He gets it.
Kindness and patience are concrete plan, as well as changing behaviors to grow the love in a marriage.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
