Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers GAL with waw. Stuck bad.

Thank you Spirit. I hope things are great with you now.

ScaredinCanada, I also am interpreting everything. I believe we need to look at MrBond's advice because we don't know if our wives actions are good or bad.

I am looking at my wives fake sounding hello's and good-bye's as a bad thing. MrBond can see them in a good way. Who really knows besides her. She might not even know, such as Spirit posted.

I guess we just need to stop worrying about it because it isn't going to help anyway. Maybe even hurt. Easier said than done, right?

An email message, my wah screamed at me in front of my son's football team on my birthday. I'd love an email message. I'd love ANYTHING remotely positive.

Sorry - I got caught up in reading your thread, that last post was for Punchy.

Habitacker -- I feel your pain, and I agree with you about the was. My h will barely look at me, let alone positively interact with me. He has also made it very clear that he does NOT want to work on our M. And at least your w still lives at home, which gives you the chance to show her the changes you are making, and she does notice, even if she doesn't say anything. My H and I are living separately due to our constant fighting over his constant affairs. I asked him to leave because our children were being effected by the fighting and I had had enough of his behaviour. However, I still love him, and hope that someday, he will come home -- but the affairs have to stop.

My problem is that the whole DB technique is about changing your own behaviours - which I have been attempting -- but, the fact is my h needs to change his behaviour too, and I can't control that. And right now, it appears as if he is perfectly happy without us.

Anyhow, sorry for such a long reply, I just wanted you to know that other people know what you are going through. Good luck to you.

Thank you Bethann. I am very thankful we are still in the same house. I think it is very beneficial to the whole family.

I hope and pray your H changes his ways. I know how childish us guys can be. I'm sorry, for whatever that is worth.

We can only do our best.

Well, tonight I went downstairs. Guess what she did? Yep, stayed upstairs and played with the kids. After a while I went up to see what would happen, she instantly picked up daughters socks and said to her " I am going to put these in your hamper" and never returned. aaaaaaaaargh. Although she was upbeat and in high spirits about it.

She has said before that watching her shows in the basement was not to avoid me. It is the only t.v. with netflix. Then what the heck was tonight.

Oh well, if this is what she needs, I am going to give her as long as she needs. It is so hard having someone you have been with for half of your life not be able to stay in the same room as you.

This phase passes. It's par for the course of the WAS.

It's emotional murder everytime. Normally for me everytime I take something as a positive sign - she someone finds a way to clearly show me that it was not a positive. I just wish she would put an honest effort into "us". We've been together for almost 15 years you think she would feel she owed it to herself to even do that - or maybe to the kids?!? I don't know. The complete and utter avoidance of the R, other than to bash it kills me all the time.

Last night I went to bed early cause I wasn't feeling well after putting D2 and D4 to bed, as W had taken D6 out for the night. W wakes me up at 10pm saying she's having issues with the DVD player. So I come to help her, and I said "How come you did let me know you were watching a movie?" she says "You were sleeping and you wouldn't like this movie anyways", to which I said "Oh, why exactly would I not like the movie, I've never seen it". She says "The main character leaves her husband at the beginning..." I don't whether to say thanks or tell her to screw off.

Has anyone ever posted a listing of things to do when "lovingly detaching"? I am working on it but it is such a struggle, because we live together and still do so much together because of the kids.

SAC: "Has anyone ever posted a listing of things to do when "lovingly detaching"? I am working on it but it is such a struggle, because we live together and still do so much together because of the kids."

You might find the following articles on "Detachment" helpful.

http://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/releasers_detach.html

http://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/releasers_practical-applications-to-detachment.html

Thanks Pickle although these links don't really help. They essentially explain why detaching is valid and important, but don't really offer much in helping to actually detach.

I guess it's really a mind over matter thing. I need to just make it clear in my mind that I need to be emotionally detached from the sitch. Again - much harder to do than say because obviously I DON'T WANT to be detached from the sitch. Back to the drawing board.

Everytime I see a positive something shoots it down, but luckily, a lot of the negatives I find get shot down also.

I would say the big difference between your W and mine is that my wife never says anything. Such as what your W said about the movie. I don't know if your W says things like that on purpose or not, but either way it hurts.

Why W has never said anything like that. My wife has a very kind spirit which is why I think she doesn't say things like that. But on the other hand, because she doesn't say anything at all, that seems to hurt just as bad.

My wife not putting any effort into our M is a very big thing for me also. Probably the biggest. I try to remember that in some way over the months or years leading up to this that they did try, or believe they did.

I have never seen any sign of my W trying in the past or now. No books,No videos, No MC, Never tried to talk to me, nothing. This is my biggest dissapointment in her. I thought I married someone who would work on their marriage before doing what she is doing now.

I have been told on this forum that my wife has, and is trying the best she can. I try to believe this, but still, I can't see it, and I am still dissapointed that this is all she's got to give.

I will have faith in her, and try to remember that she is giving all she can at this moment. I can not understand what she is feeling, and maybe she doesn't either. Maybe there is a hormone problem going on. This is why it isn't fair for me to judge her.

Detaching has been really tuff on me also. I was so detached before the bomb, it is hard to see how doing the same thing can help.

The only thing I am really doing is trying to not need her for anything. I want to show her I need her because I love her, not because I love her because I need her.