Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Having a really hard time...

The only benefit I can see from you relinquishing control over the D settlement is you assuring her that she can trust you, but that's it.

When my W told me she was planning to visit OM in another state, I went ballistic and threatened to pack all a stuff and leave it in the front yard for when she got back. She totally lost trust, talked to a lawyer and put one on retainer adding to our credit card debt. Now she's paranoid about everything I do. So establishing some trust is a good thing.

Only you know your sitch, just be careful and do not act on emotion and feelings, act wisely. We all care about each other here and the advice should always aim to get you to a better place. Don't ever forget: the M may not be saved.

Sometime I wish I was like Truman on the Truman show, so everyone can see what's going on in my sitch, but I'm not, so glean what seems might work and ignore what doesn't.

"Yeah, I'm doing all of these things for me. I felt like I had to hand the reigns over to her regarding the divorce because 1. she was in control of her decision making anyway and 2. her lack of decision making was a big part of the reason she wants out. "

Good that your changing for you. She feels that divorce is the only option....fine. whether you agree or disagree that divorce is the only option doesn't change her feelings. waste of energy to fight on this topic. let her pull the weight on getting the paperwork and things in order to get it done. Once you have the proposal you will review it and get back with any concerns...

"I'm not sure how I can seem strong through the divorce process while at the same time giving her control. But me making the decision to do what is best for me is definitely a bold move. I hope that that will start to let her see me in the light that attracted her to me in the first place."

You can be emotionally strong for yourself, and so detached from her crap behavior that it just doesn't even bother you anymore. Your entire world is crumbling in front of your eyes. Yet when she looks at you and what you've become she can't help but admire your strength. Time for you to lead by example. Be the change that you want see from her.

Might be a little late to look strong but I'm going to try lol

For some reason I REEEEEALLY want to text her tonight. I'm feeling kind of sick and I think that has something to do with it.

Hey!! Me too! I'm sick as a dog and am wanting to contact my W so badly... must be the particular virus we have. I'm having a bad weekend emotionally too... don't act on your impulse to text her. You know that it is wrong right now. Go take some nyquil and go to sleep instead.

Denver

Yeah, I know for sure that a month ago I would have called or texted her tonight but just the fact that I haven't shows me that I have made progress.

Good... I'm happy to hear that.

I had to spend some money on our joint checking account. I haven't been using the account for the past few weeks so it was a surprise to her. She emailed me about the purchase asking if I had made it. I replied only "yes." After that she sent this

"It was an unpleasant surprise when I asked you to let me know if you plan to make any large purchases and you haven't been using the account."

it was only 350$ so not a really large purchase and I hadn't had any contact with her in two weeks. I didn't reply to the 2nd email because it seemed like she was baiting me and there really wasn't anything to say. Good?

In not replying? Yes. IMO anyway. You are probably right that she was trying to bait you into argument.

Bad.

$350 is a big amount. To be courteous you should both be talking to each other about withdrawals from the account.

Apologize and say that as it is a joint account you would also like to know of all transactions. Who is contributing to it?

Normally I agree with Bond, but I wouldn't apologize. Maybe going forward you notify her of big expenditures, but I think that you need to stop being such a push over with W. Apologizing isn't going to help you with that.