Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Is the tide turning???????

Hi GAG,

I have been following along very closely.

I am sorry I have not responded prior, I am not doing very well.
I am deep in anxiety about my impending court date on the 13th. I have a lengthy post on Cas thread....

I see all positives here....XH asked you about a TT game this week. I thinks it's cool that you suggested Thursday at 6:00 as your availability and then didn't offer a counter date when XH stated he had tentative plans with BMF. Let's see if XH calls on you when/if his plans with BMF fall through. You left XH with an image that will be hard to ignore once Thursday comes and he has no plans.

FTR, I would have stated NO to the movie idea as well. A movie is nice once you are involved in a serious relationship where it doesn't matter about making social impressions because they already exist.

I was thinking more about you soliciting his help on something he is good at and the electronics/entertainment center idea is perfect if you intend to buy. This will give him an opportunity to spend time with you, you will be able to show him you value his help and expertise and he can help you set it up and then you two can share some drinks as you listen to favorite music or watch an equally pleasing dvd/show. It opens the door for casual fun and connection without other expectations. You never know where it could lead

GAG, now is not the time to lose your patience with XH. You have expectations, and trust me I know it's hard not to, but you have let them creep in. You need to step back and be more patient than you ever thought possible. Enjoy the renewed friendship right now for what it is. As we all have learned, if we rush these things they backfire on us big time!!!

You are doing great!! I see a movement toward a reconnection. Friendship first, renew trust first, show him how much fun you are first, show him your changes. Your actions, not words, will show him the way and the romance will follow. If you plant the seeds of desire and unconditional love in his thoughts, his heart will follow. This takes a lot of time, thus patience.

I am with you GAG, I may not post much for a week or so....

(((Hugs)))

Sanderika

Thanks CW, Cas, Tulsa, and Sanderika for your encouragement and insights.


CW, by this ^^^^^^ do you mean that you think XH is reconnecting? I'm too close to this situation and of course I can't post everything that happens, so even though there seem to be positive developments, I still find myself on a rollercoaster. Ughhh!!!!! Thanks for your suggestion about maybe shopping for some kind of new gadget. I shouldn't be restricting my thoughts to electronics only.


Cas, you ask a very good question. I have been thinking a lot about this since I read your post. I am primarily impatient with the whole situation. In some ways I feel that I am wasting time by continuing to DB XH......yet as I write these words I know that even if I wasn't still DB'ing XH I wouldn't be "out there" dating up a storm. Been there. Done that more times than I care to remember. Over the last day or so I have felt anger bubbling up at XH because he has run away from his emotional issues for so many years that I question whether he will ever have the courage to address them.........but at the same time, XH's R with BMF has been challenged this year like never before. It is possible that XH could grow tremendously in emotional terms before this year is over.

Tulsa, when I read your encouraging message last night before bedtime I can't tell you how much it meant to me given your backstory. It helped me to fall asleep more easily last night. Maybe I'm reading too much into your comment, but I imagine that you can remember at time when you felt like my XH might be feeling now...........Your comment makes me think that you think XH is having more than just friendly feelings???? It gives me hope. Thank you.

Dear Sanderika, I am SO sorry about what you are going through right now. You and your H obviously love one another deeply. When all is said and done, a M license is just a piece of paper. The love between you and H is what really matters.


I smiled when I read this because I was thinking the same thing myself.


This ^^^^^^ builds upon my initial thought in a way that I hadn't considered (XH hasn't really wanted to spend much time around the house for more than a year ---- I think it is difficult for him to see what he left behind). Thank you for writing this scenario. I will do a little preparatory research. I can feel XH out to determine his interest level while playing TT with him.


Thanks for your reminder to be patient and reduce expectations. This ^^^^^ is golden. Thank you again!

GAG

Hello GAG,

I am thinking that you and XH are a great example of what can happen after a divorce when emotions on both sides have softened from the turmoil of the actions during a divorce.

The old adage: Time Heals All Wounds

I also know: Love Never Fails, It Prevails

You and XH are in my thoughts and I have faith that good things will happen for you both.

Sanderika

GAG...I understand the being impatient and frustrated at times....but you are really doing very well....there is constant slow progress in reconnecting from what I can see....don't stress yourself out...

(((hugs)))

Yes!

LOL!!! I like to use ... when I can't think of a way to finish my thought! It is kind of like "you know what I mean?"

I think I do that sometimes when I am speaking to someone too! Only I don't say dot dot dot out loud...I am just thinking it!

Hello GAG,

I hope all is well with you.

Sanderika

I'm in newcomers, but would welcome any of you to hop over with advice. Not sure if my H is WA or MLC, or both!

GAG, I've been reading your posts for inspiration and hope. Sounds like you are doing great!

Sanderika, thanks for checking up on me and thanks for your continued encouragement. You have an incredibly big heart to be concerned about others when I know you must be cycling through many, many emotions these days. I have been praying for you and will think of you often over the next two days.

Mila and CW, thank you both for your encouragement and your perspective. I am really lucky to have met everyone here!!!!

I have been quite busy and not much to report so sorry that I haven't been posting to folks for the past few days. I was a bit blue last week because of minimal contact with XH after things had seemed to move forward a bit. XH seems to have retreated back into the tunnel after things heated up over the past few weeks. I let him sit in there to marinate in his unhappiness. Getting sick of watching all of these baby steps forward, and then what appears to be "nothing". That's why I appreciate everyone's feedback and reminders that these are positive moves forward.

Last thursday I went to X-MILs to visit. She was very alert and fun so it was a very nice visit. Texted XH a fabulous photo that I took of his mother with her favorite nursing assistant. He was very pleased. ............I looked around for signs of GF#2 at X-MILs but didn't see any. However, ...........I had given X-MIL a small pile of photos (from the past) on Christmas Day. In the pile I had put a photo of X-MIL, XH, and me, taken right after I met XH. THAT photo was missing from the pile.........so I figured that XH removed it so that GF#2 wouldn't see it.

Tomorrow is my day off (YIPPEE!!!!!!!!!) I am talking to Jody tomorrow morning AND I am playing TT with XH tomorrow evening. I should have much to report afterward from both.

Missher and Sanderika, I took your suggestions and am planning to ask XH's advice about buying a wireless multi-room music system. If XH is interested in helping me figure this out we can go to Best Buy together to demo it...........and if XH is game to help, this would provide an opportunity for XH to spend time at the house with me working on installation, or at the very least admiring the installation. This was brilliant Sanderika!...............and even if XH doesn't choose to help I know he will give me his opinion and I will end up with a nice sound system. We could then talk about sharing digital music files. I went to Barnes & Noble and bought a couple magazines ("best of 2011") with reviews of these systems. I plan to take them to TT tomorrow night to show XH.

I will let you all know what happens tomorrow!

GAG

GAG,

Over here on the sidelines rooting for you! You go girl!

Maybe XH took that pic because he wanted it. It seems as though XH doesn't worry too much about GF finding out about you as he plays TT and you have been out in public together, too. Just a thought.

GAG,

Missher here on the sidelines also......cheering you on....pom poms in hand..LOL

BE BOLD TONIGHT!!!! Make a move!! and no talk of BMF....at all.....NO EXCEPTIONS.

I would rather tote the pom poms than the 2x4's.....

just sayin'