This morning, my father in law was leaving and I was still in bed. He knocked on my door to tell me his dad's leaving. I got up to say good bye but my eyes were still sleepy and couldn't open. He seemed to be in a good mood and laughed about it a bit, then he even walked over and gave me a small hug. I don't know what that was and was too sleepy to respond.
This evening, he told me he'd be home at 7pm to spend some time with son. I was acting happy and no upset or anything. just hang around using my laptop while he played with my son. I can see he's got a dark face again. Don't understand why the mood swing. Then later I was putting my son to bed, he came into my room like 4,5 times to tell me about little things. Like, there's a boot disk for an old computer, he found it (we are not looking for it). And later, he came in again about another boot disk for another old computer we are not using. Each time I say ok, thanks with a smile. and that's it.
I am confused as hell myself. Is it working is it not working. I hate having to read into all his actions like this. This is so uncool.
we are both in Shanghai now but neither of us were originally from here. We are both here for work.
his stereotype also could play some part I suppose. He did mention to his friends that if he is to be with another women in the future, that's going to be a serbian women for sure. Looks like he found that the inter-racial marriage doesn't work for him.
But there's about a handfull of serbs in China. So good luck to that.
It's so frustrating that the approval process of each reply takes so long.
Anyway. Husband came in a 7 to spend some time with my son. I put on a happy face, makeup and so on. Son is too young and didn't care much about him. I can see he's disappointed. He spent 40 minutes here and left again for work as he's in the midst of a project. He will be in again tomorrow to see son for a few hours.
he asked me again about my singapore business trip. He seems to be quite eager for me to go. I pretended that I am not sure if I should go or not because of son. He said "don't worry I will be here". which means, he will indeed move back into our house. I started to believe strongly that it is indeed a good idea.
the overall atmosphere in the short 40 minutes encounter was positive. I laughed a lot. he seem to be lighten up a bit compare to yesterday. I hope this is all going to head to a positive direction. I pray to god this will.
controlling to be one. harsh on words sometimes. stop caring of my looks only pays attention to son lack of motivation to do anything
I have so far been:
1. stop all criticizing of him. Always smiling and stuff. 2. seem happy and emotional stable. 3. started to GAL and wear makeup and got back into my old looks 4. started to do more fun stuff on my own
and I want to go dark on him for a bit. That's why I want to go away for a month. I don't think of this as abandoning him. I go away for a month, he will have to spend a lot more time with my son. I don't think there's much of a bonding between them as he doesn't need to do anything for him normally. So during the time I am gone,he will have to take care of him and spend time with him. Enhance father son bonding. And then I can come home with a golden tan and look all good and stunning and to the rescue.
Last night I had a brief skype messaging with him about something light and the conversation was good. I kept it brief and said good bye first. He wanted to see if I can go on my business trip after he take a week long vacation first.
I said its not up to me but I will try my best to fit my schedule with his.
But I am not going to. I am not going to let him have the opportunity to go on a trip with some women even though there may not be any. Just in case there is.
Today he came to see son again, each time he comes he would call and say I am coming at this time but he always say "but i can't stay long" I said "don't worry about it. he's your son you can stay as long as you need to. "
Then when he came, quick touch of makeup, looking fresh and happy. Let him play with son, and then I change to go out while he's still in the house.
That surprised him a bit. He asked me where I am going. I said, out. He said "party?" (I was wearing sweat suit and snow boots.. yeah right party) I said, no, just to get a facial. He asked me "with sherry? (my girl friend) I said no.
Like, please, if you want to divorce me. Why do you care who I am going out with on a monday night?
I think the 11hour thing is working? what you think?
In that list, you haven't mentioned if you were paying him more attention. I don't mean going overboard, but just doing little things here and there.
IMO I wouldn't leave and have just your son and him together. You want to build the bond between your H not force him to spend time with your son. How often do the three of you do things together?
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I have tried to pay him less attention. I think I am not at a point of piecing anything yet. He's wanting to leave and I am trying to stop him to leave. I think me paying more attention to him now will only backfire.
right now, with me in the house, he can't wait to get the hell out. I have already tried to be as nice and warm and happy as possible. I want to cool things off first. bond building need to come later? what you think
You have a game plan in your mind, you know what you want to do. I'd have to agree with Bond.
I'm not sure why you think you need to pull back, but that isn't good onesizefitsall advice. It will probably backfire on you, and it could be very detrimental to your parenting as well.
You ALWAYS have the option to back out and leave. Try building now while you've got him around, try what Bond is suggesting.
