Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers GAL with waw. Stuck bad.

Habittracker: I feel tired and worn out in my sitch too. I feel like giving up on almost on a daily basis now. I completely understand. I guess that only we can decide when the time to actually move on is.

No it's not detaching. Detaching is a conscience thing. Not because you're sick of trying.

Don't let fear guide your actions. Don't do or not do something because you are afraid of what your spouse is doing. When you show that you are being assertive and taking charge of your life, you'll find that the WAS's hardline stance often softens.

Well, I am not talking to her about R because of fear. The last time I tried that it was not good.

This is where I understood what everyone meant by letting W come to me for R talk.

You have said that if my W has seemed to soften, that I could try R talk. I really feel at some point I am going to have to initiate the talking. Knowing my wifes personality, she is not going to come to me. This is one of our big problems. No communication.

I don't know if she is avoiding it, or hiding from it, or whatever. I am sure if she feels she is done, what is there to talk about? We will have to talk sometime.

I understand about having patience. I would gladly wait for her to come to me about R talk, but I am afraid even if something is telling her to talk to me, I'm not sure she will be able to do it. I am pretty sure by what she said on D-day, that it took years to come to me with that.

Just for example, I remember the last few times we made love, I could tell something was wrong. Watery eyes. I remember asking if something was wrong and got the typical answer of "nothing". At the time I thought it was probably just something womanly. Hormones, whatever. Now, after all this, I can see what was really going on.

She has never came to me to talk. She doesn't talk to anyone. She says nobody knows about our sitch. Her personal life is her business.

She needs to communicate sometime.

I've not been a LBS but I would think long periods of extreme stress finally gets us so mentally & physically worn down that we can't hold up under the pressure. The mind & body has to go into some sort of self-preservation or it will burn up. Perhaps that is what you are experiencing and you aren't sure how to label it. If we had a quarter for every time we've read the same type post form weary LBH's....we could retire.

Give yourself some slack. Try to relax. I think if you'd let go of that tight rope, it would help a lot.

Just got back from going out for new years by myself. Had a long night of drinking diet coke.

Sat there for a couple hours trying to GAL. Watching all my friends and their wifes.

By the end of the night I have found out that 2 out of 3 of them are in the same sitch as me. What the heck is going on. I found myself trying to tell my friends everything that I have learned from DB and this forum. I am in no position to be giving advice, but I had to try.

God help us.

As being someone who never looked at other people and cared, I find myself looking at strangers and wandering what they might be going through in their lifes. If nothing else, at least I have gained some respect for my fellow man.

Happy New Year, and may it be much better than the last one.

Many people have said the very same thing as you. It could get scary looking if you observe how the "family", as we identify it, seems to be dissolving in our society.

Did you refer your friends to DR? Hope so, and you did right by trying to help them. I know NYE can be a tough holiday if you are out alone. At least you were giving GAL a shot, right?

I did not refer them yet, but I will get together with them. I would say I was the only sober one at the time, and It was pretty hard to have conversation in a bar, and with the wifes wandering around.

Watching their interactions with eachother, it does not look like a WAW. We will have to get together and figure out what is going on. These are some pretty manly men. To see this fear in their eyes is so strange. I suppose it was like looking in a mirror for me.

I feel a sense of purpose about this. I have a strong urge to help, and I will try. I would really love to have yours, and some of the other veterans knowledge right now.

Going to have to work on breaking down some of the man pride walls also. The first counseling session with these guys might have to include a case of beer. lol.

Yea, giving GAL a shot.

Still having a hard time doing what I always used to do, and not worrying about her seeing it as the same old me.

That is why so many things about DBing seems totally opposite from what we think we "should" do.

Hope this year will be a great one for you and your loved ones.

Thank you so much Sandi. Same to you. You seem very busy on here tonight. You are a treasure to everyone on here.

The wife and I seem to be in pretty good spirits this weekend. I am not feeling much tension. Hopefully she feels the same.

When things seem fine like this, it makes me want to try and talk, but I will not. I have made up my mind that she needs to heal. It is hard, but we both need to be ready before anything can be accomplished.

Not only is her time frame different than mine, I have to remember God's is also. No reason to push to take a test he doesn't think I am done studying for. Hope he help's her open a book soon. He He.

We have x-mas at my mother's tomorrow. She was really tense at her family's x-mas last week. So this should be interesting.