Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers losing my mind?

I am seperated from my wife. We seperated in June, dated until September. Officially seperated in September. I really feel like I am losing my mind at times. W was the WAS. I have been on an emotional roller coaster for months now. One day I want her back more than anything, the next I think I don't want her at all. I am not so sure this is how I really feel. Just a coping mechanism to deal with the pain.

This really stinks. What a time for it too. (around the holidays) The situation really has me messed up. At times I think a divorce would be in order, because I somehow think it will make me feel better. At least I will know where we stand and what's going on. It's not what's in my heart though.

I'm with you HRT and I have only been at this for 6 weeks. The holidays make it so much worse. I'm depressed, can't eat or sleep and just want the new year to be here. I also go back and forth on just giving up. It would be easier that is for sure. Like you, I still love my wife though.

HRT:
I'm a fellow newbie too! Welcome; just sorry we are all heare under these difficlut circumstances. But we are here together with great support.

Have you read DB or DR? The board vets here offer some great perspectives. Most from what I have seen and read have been through various stages of what we are going through so they are well-versed.

It's def tough around the holidays but you will make it through. We all have each other.

Hang tough and keep the faith.

Hi Denver,
I know, I was in the local walmart the other day, and it made me really depressed. I'll be glad when the holidays are over, That's for sure.

Since its been a couple months for me I am starting to sleep better, and eat better too. At first, I would wake up all hours of the night and just chain smoke. And I went three months without smoking!

To be honest Denver, I question myself on why I still love her. She is staying with her EH, and has her own set of problems, that's for sure. We don't communicate at all. Last emails were over a week ago. I went "Dark" it's not like she cares.

There is alot involved in this situation. That's why I am so lost.

It does seem like it would be easier giving up at times. Being in limbo is the worst. Sorry you find yourself feeling down too. Hang in there!

The last time my wife emailed me she said "I miss you, I miss you everyday. Nothing is fun, and I don't look forward to anything" It confuses me. If this is how she feels why wouldn't she want to see me? Or talk to me on the phone?

This email was around the 12th. I went dark on the 14th. So get this, lastnight someone swerved off the icy road and ran up my driveway and demolished my Mustang (and than proceeded to drive away) When it rains it pours. I am on the local news stations here today, telling the story and hoping someone seen something or knows who was involved. Anyway, my W has a Suburu that has just been sitting for three years. I asked her for the title in my last email to her on the 13th. She said she was going to mail it the next day. I never got it so I figured she changed her mind. Well, today it came in the mail. (what a coincidence) I was debating whether to send a thank you email. I did, all I said was "I got the car title, Thank-you for sending it"

I was a little thrown back that she didn't even include a note saying Merry Christmas, hurt about it too. I also deceided to not send her anything for Christmas. This is a 180 for me.

She really confuses me. More than anyone ever has. I would appreciate some feedback and advice.

Went through my sitch during the holidays last year as well. Finally divorced last Feb. Found out about her EA on my birthday that following Apr.

It seems that this happens more during the holidays for some reason. Why do these people have to do this NOW? As if an affair, separation and divorce werent bad enough they have to ruin Christmas as well?

This Christmas I am spending my free time with somebody new who cares about me.

MY XW will most likely spend it on her cell phone with her married lover or with her fair weather facebook friends from her high school daze. I hope her laptop and cell phone keep her warm this winter. NO I don't!

My W sends me an email replying to my simple "got the car title, than you for sending it, email to her" She says, "You are welcome, I hope you have a nice Christmas"

Nice Christmas? I do not mean to whine, but it has been the worst Christmas of my life. I think about her CONSTANTLY (wondering what she is doing with her EH?) With whom she is living with. She claims they are just friends. Yeah, right. Than on top of everything my car is in a hit and run.

I don't understand how you can be married to someone for 3 years (I know that's not a long time) but still, spend 3 years together and one day its like you no longer exsist. It really hurts, it really does. I'm dreading the New Years too. I'll be glad when it's all over.

Do you ever stop missing them? Stop thinking about them? Wondering what they are doing? I sure wish I would. It sux. Badly.

Hi Zengypsy,
Yes, I read DR. I wish I read it when we first seperated. I would have saved all the pleading, pursuing,talking about the good times, sending pictures of the dog and us together, all the I love you's, etc etc etc.

I didn't know any better. All I knew was that my heart was broken (still is) and the hurt was more than I could deal with. It has gotten a little easier since I read DR and applied the strategies. Not much though.

Yes, the Holidays make it so much worse. Thank-You zen for the support. And yes, I read alot of things on the boards that is a reflection of how I feel and where I am at.

I would just like to add, I looked into D/S support groups in my area. I did find out that they have them at a local church. Has anyone ever attended D/S support groups before? If so, was it beneficial?

It's tough being relativly new to the area and not knowing many people. Hard enough going from Philadelphia to the mountains of West Virgina.

I do attend services at a local church. And read the bible, self help books. I have been trying to GAL but motivation is hard to come by.

HRT - I understand where you are coming from fully. I struggle with many things during this painful time, but one of the huge things is how can our WAS's just turn off their feelings like we and the life we've shared with them never even existed?? It seems inhuman to me. I have no understanding of that at all.

Hurt people like to hurt people back. I guess our WAS's feel that we hurt them somehow and this is how they hurt us back; leaving, seeking divorce, having affairs. I am truly convinced that one day they will have an ah-ha moment and realize what they have lost and want to come back. We will we will be in the drivers seat and it will be up to us if we want them to be passengers.

KEEP STRONG! I am so glad we all have each other for support.

Peace and Blessings - ZG