Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers STBXH wants to show kids what a "real family is"

Journalling. I know I'm not getting a lot of responses but it helps me to just write these things down and let them go. I spoke with S & D this morning, wished them a Happy New Year. Both were very grumpy and seemed pre-occupied. I don't know if something happened at last night's party they were at and I have to let it go. They will tell me if they need to and I'll have to cross that bridge if it comes.

Here is a bit of history on why I say this. They were over at STBXH's friends (used to be mutual friends and still are to some extent but he spends more time with them.) Anyway, this is the same house they all went to last year for New Year's Eve and the wife and her D (who is 1 year older than my daughter) proceeded to tell my D that STBXH and I were splitting up and one of us was moving out. Obviously, STBXH had told them plans. We had not yet told the kids so needless to say, my D was devasted. I spent New Year's Day last year trying to help her get through and was extremely angry at what these so called friends had done. I confronted H on it and was angry and he simply said "it's not my fault, I didn't do it and I can't control what they said."

Fast forward to this summer, there was an incident that I didn't find out about till afterwards, but the same family was involved. Their D approached my D on the school ground and told her that my STBXH was dating her auntie. I had heard the same rumours and really didn't think too much of it. Whether he is or at that point was not my business I felt.

About a month later, we were discussing possible babysitting arrangements for the kids during each of our activities on the weeks we have them and I had suggested, during my evening out, he could come over to my place to watch them and during his evening out, I could do the same. Well, he said he thought it was good progress on the co-parenting front, he wouldn't want hurt feelings if either one of us came across something in the other one's house that we didn't like. I responded, conversation went something like this:

ME: I know you are in a new relationship and that is your choice to do what makes you happy and I wish you well.

STBXH: Thank you for your wishes but I'm not in any relationship.

ME: Sorry, that's what your friends told me.

STBXH: Nice of you to imply that my friends are not my friends.

ME: I'm not implying anything at all, I was just repeating what I heard.

STBXH: And therein lies the problem. I've already had to deal with a situation where D has been told the same thing on the playground. It's one thing to say these things but completely different when you start telling your children who then tell our children on the playground at school.

I never responded to his last email as I was a little flabergasted as to how this was my fault or even how the conversation got so side-tracked.

Anyway, sorry this is long, just needed to get it out. No contact today, may call kids back later to see if they are in better spirits though. I get them back tomorrow and can't wait, been missing them like crazy the past couple of days.

Updating. STBXH dropped kids off yesterday afternoon. Turns out, both were just tired from staying up too late NYE and S had a headache that wouldn't go away hence the grumpiness. Just glad no one said anything to upset them this NYE.

Quick conversation about my broken garage door when STBXH dropped the kids off yesterday. Casual conversation and when he asked what was wrong I acted "as if" without even really thinking about it, just said it was time for a new one and I would be calling to get a quote. He offered that he had needed one too and had called for a quote and it would likely cost around X dollars. I said thanks and that was it.

To be honest, I was just really happy to have the kids back home. It had been a very long time as I would usually see them at their activities at my off weeks but with the holidays, there were no activities.

Well, haven't posted in a while, just plugging along on the DB path. Things have been amicable although still no contact aside from kids things, etc. The last couple of ice times for our kids, STBXH has been sitting and chatting with young girl who I believe is a live in Nanny for one of the boys on the hockey team. Likely someone who he is interested in, I don't know but nothing I can do about that so I will put it out of my mind. He is and has always been a big flirt so nothing new there anyway.

I have been getting back in with the usual crowd at hockey and some of the moms have commented that everything is back to normal now that I'm back where I belong. That certainly felt good to hear and it sure felt good to be back in the stands cheering instead of out on my own. STBXH has been sitting and chatting with a younger girl at the last few ice times (I think she is a live in nanny for one of the kids on the team). Maybe he's interested in her, maybe not, not something I can control so it just is what it is and he has always been a big flirt.

I'll be meeting up with the group at the out of town hockey tournament next weekend on my way back from meetings and attending an NHL game with everyon on Sunday night. Anyone with advice on how to act to make the most of my DB efforts during this time, please chime in.