Antonia - am I okay with him moving back in so soon? Please note that he does NOT live with the ow. never has. My only concern is the girls...what if we can't make it work and he leaves again? The girls would be crushed. But I think that is the chance I would be taking at any time he comes home. He spends the night a lot anyway because of the girls. So for them it might not be that much of a difference.
On the bright side...it saves us a bunch of money!
Oh who knows, what if he changes his mind this week? I don't know - but I will keep you all posted.
TAMF m:41 xh:41 T: 20 M: 15 D: 16 D: 14 Bomb dropped: 7/3/10 separated: 7/15/10 H moved in to new apt. with OW: 7/1/11 divorced: 8/26/12
It is stuations like these that gives us all hope .... this is my first Christmas with my spouse in MLC, and I have been crying on and off, feeling miserable.
But .... miracles do happen, and of course, we are instrumental in making them happen as well.
Your faith, your patience are all part of this. I am inspired and hope and pray that your sitch will get better and better...and that it will be for good.
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
M45 Bomb 6/09; EA 6/10; Divorced 1/11 Proud single mom of 7 little feline girls and one little feline boy "Fall down 53 times. Get up 54." -- Zen saying
I couldn't be happier to hear things are looking up. But like Snodderly said, make sure you are prepared for possible disappointment. If he's still in MLC, you still cannot believe anything he says. Pay attention to what he DOES.
I'm thrilled to hear you had a great Christmas. I hope with all my heart that this is the beginning of a better year for you and your family!
"Love me when I least deserve it, for that is when I need it the most"
M18 Me39,H42 D16 Bomb 1/10 Moved out 3/10 OW 6/10 H wants to R,OW gone 11/10 H moves back 5/11 H wants to wear rings again 9/11
I know - that is why I haven't told ANYONE except you all. Last night he didn't text me at all (which was strange) but I thought he was probably with her. Was he letting her know or was he chickening out? I tried to remain calm and not think about it. I did a pretty good job too - very little stress.
This morning first thing he text me and said that he was sorry he didn't talk to me last night he had gone to bed early from lack of sleep from work. was this the truth? who knows, but I didn't question it.
He told me he was on his way to work. He text me a couple hours later and asked if he could see me tomorrow. I said yes I would see him. I won't push him to tell me if he has broken it off with the OW or not, or even if he will be moving in at the end of the week like he said. I will just let him tell me. No pressure. No controlling him or the situation.
TAMF m:41 xh:41 T: 20 M: 15 D: 16 D: 14 Bomb dropped: 7/3/10 separated: 7/15/10 H moved in to new apt. with OW: 7/1/11 divorced: 8/26/12
It sounds like you are proceeding with caution and foresight and keeping your expectations under control, so I think you're in a good place to handle whatever comes!
M45 Bomb 6/09; EA 6/10; Divorced 1/11 Proud single mom of 7 little feline girls and one little feline boy "Fall down 53 times. Get up 54." -- Zen saying
Good luck girly! My hope and prayer is that you guys reconcile. My other hope is that TAMF...yep YOU...do not revert back to some of those old behaviors. Keep the changes that YOU want to make going.
Be caution...remember actions speak louder than words and really try and get yourselfs into some sort of counceling..
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I've been following your thread, and keeping my thoughts to myself. You see, I'm a pretty cynical person. If I put myself in your position, I understand the overwhelming giddiness of possibility, but distrust human nature.
You seem to be keeping your expectations to zero, and that is great; just don't be reeled back in for a session of cake eating.
Someone recently asked if I would take my H back if he crawled up the driveway on his hands and knees begging. My answer is no. Actions speak louder, as they say, and that dramatic gesture is just that, a gesture. Seriously going into counseling, doing the hard work, that will impress me.
I hope I haven't rained on your parade. I hope and pray that this is coming true for you, and that your H is sincere. Just protect yourself on all fronts, and by doing that, you will be protecting your children, as well.
Tuesday night my H asked me if he could spend the day with me on Wednesday. I played hooky from work and H came over to the house and we worked out together (which is a BIG thing that he ALWAYS wanted me to do with him and I never wanted to. Exercise is a major change that I have made in my life for me and I now enjoy working out and I loved working out with him)then we got our warm clothes on and took the dogs to the bluff to go hiking. This was the first time I have ever hiked in the snow! It was breathtaking. Quite the workout too! The dogs had a ball. we were all alone on the bluff. it was so much fun. After we got done, we went back home showered and changed and took a drive. We ended up at a bar in the middle of nowhere for lunch and a couple beers. We played two games of pool. laughed the whole time. We got back to the house around 5pm, and he came inside to see the girls for a little bit, then came into the bedroom gave me a big hug and said that he would like to spend his birthday with me and the girls (Jan. 2nd). He gave me a hug and kiss and went back to his apt. to get some sleep before he would have to go back to work.
I was a perfect day.
We did talk about our R a little bit - it was good talk. He talked about how he just wants life to be about me and him and the girls. that to him, love is about respect and he realizes that I will have major trust issues and he will understand when I feel the need to check up on him. He just wants to focus on being happy. He wants to wake up in the morning and look at me and KNOW that he is loved and that he loves me.
He again said that he was going to end it with the OW - that I had to understand that he has to do it his way so that he minimizes the hurt. He really has issues with himself for how much he has hurt me and now how he is going to hurt her. He hates what he has done and who he has become. He said that he can barely look at himself in the mirror. But he knows what is right and what he has to do. He said that it would never work with the OW - he knows this now. That the two of them would never be accepted by anyone and it just was wrong for both of them.
I still get a little sick to my stomach when he talks about her and how he doesn't want to hurt her. But I keep my mouth shut. Showing my hatred of her will do no good for anyone.
I think that he does have love for her, but I beleive that he has MORE love for me. I asked myself if I could deal with that knowledge and still move forward. Yes I can, because I CHOOSE to. It is really as simple as that. Look forward and be happy, leave the past in the past.
I am still VERY aware that he hasn't broke it off yet. I will keep grounded in that reality, I promise. Because I can also still CHOOSE to move forward without him and still be happy.
TAMF m:41 xh:41 T: 20 M: 15 D: 16 D: 14 Bomb dropped: 7/3/10 separated: 7/15/10 H moved in to new apt. with OW: 7/1/11 divorced: 8/26/12
I am trying to get caught up a little on the boards and jut saw this today......
So very happy for you......don't need to tell you or maybe I do....
The real work lies ahead.....the demons are there and they will come.....you will be tested. Gird yourself.
I am not going to tell you not to have expectations and hopes and dreams and all the other things that come with this kind of news.
What I will tell you is not to slip back into old habits. Make sure the changes you made in you and for you remain intact. If you do this then if your H disappoints you again or for that matter if anyone falls short of your "expectations" of them it will not adversely affect you.
Happy Little Friday!!!!
Cheers
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
