It sounds as though your D handled this conversation very well. You must be proud of her. She has no doubt learned by watching the behavior that you've modeled for her. The holiday season must be making your H acutely aware that he has estranged himself from his family.
Please enjoy the time you share with your family and friends over the Christmas holiday.
Well I lost it with H this morning...The thank you gift I planned on getting him for paying the bills this month wasn't available so I had my S26 pick up his Dad a T-Shirt from the local Motorcycle shop.
H came this morning with his gifts for the kids. I was in the kitchen baking. The kids were in the kitchen with me and H come in and joined us for a bit. I wished him a Merry Christmas as I went about my baking. After a bit they all retreated to the Family Room and I could hear the sounds of my family enjoying themselves while opening their presents. It took me back to happier times of Christmas past. It was almost as if I was watching a movie. I was there, but not part of it.
I took some cookies out of the oven, frosted them and took a plate into the Family Room and set them down and left. I was busy in the kitchen but couldn't help but over hear H tell stories about this gift or that gift and what he and ow went to get them. I admit that it was painful to listen to.
As H was getting ready to leave I asked if I could see him for a minute. I handed him the wrapped box and I thanked him again. I told him that what he had done allowed me to give the kids a Christmas from me and I really appreciated it. He said that`s what I did it for. During this exchange tears started to well up in my eyes and then slid down my cheeks. I was angry at myself for doing that as I've been strong during this for the most part. Anyway, I gave him a kiss on the cheek and wonder of wonders he didn`t pull away, in fact he leaned into it. I left and went back into the kitchen because I was still crying. He opened the gift and popped back into say thank you. I just said, you`re welcome.
H ended up staying a little bit longer standing at the door and talking to the kids. Seeing him leave was difficult. I had thought I was done, I guess I'm not, yet...
I'm glad you had a nice holiday. It sounds bittersweet, but it must have been very nice being surrounded by your family. I LIKED the part about having the smell cookies baking in the air. Smell is such a primitive sense. It can really transport people to another time and place..........and in your case, it probably reminded H of past Christmases.
It sounds like you made an impression on two counts: you took the high road and gave H a Christmas present AND you initiated giving H a kiss. Well done!
Originally Posted By: seeking answers
Seeing him leave was difficult. I had thought I was done, I guess I'm not, yet...
I had planned on giving my H a small gift as a thank you when he informed me he had paid the utilities for the month of Dec.
When the exchange between D18 and H took place a couple days ago with H claiming that he had been taken for granted for years,it gave me pause as to whether I should give him a gift. I wanted him in no way to think that that was why he was getting one from me. After thinking about it for a while I decided I was going ahead with it regardless. I can't control what he thinks. It was simply a gesture of my appreciation.
Seeking, Mila summed up my thoughts on your D's interaction with H;
Originally Posted By: Mila
your H seems to be playing the victim....poor me...everyone is against me...it's not him, never him....it's everyone else that is wrong....isn't that typical in MLC?
This is what happens in my situation and my S and D are also more adult than their Dad!
I think you did wonderfully. And don't worry about the tear. It probably effected him more than it did you. I'll bet money he was thinking hard when he walked out the door yesterday morning. Back to what? And Why?
Anyway, You were gracious and adult, and that stood out with your kids in spades. I don't think I could be half that gracious. ((HUGS))
SA, You handled the situation beautifully. Yes, they always play victim and never want to look in the mirror and deep within. It's easier to cry "poor me". I'm glad you got him a little something to show him that you did acknowledge the fact that he paid the utilities. Christmas is about giving from the heart and you did just that w/no expectations.
I'm very glad everything turned out okay for you and your family. Enjoy the rest of the holiday season w/your family.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
